AITA for suggesting that my wife doesn’t wear certain leggings out?

A quick trip to the corner store turned into a marital minefield when a husband’s well-meaning suggestion hit a nerve. In a gritty neighborhood where catcalls and creepy stares are all too common, a young couple found themselves at odds over a pair of trendy leggings. The wife, tired of dodging leers on her daily coffee run, faced yet another unsettling encounter. Her husband, hoping to shield her, floated an idea that landed like a lead balloon.

The argument that followed wasn’t just about fashion—it cracked open a deeper rift about safety, autonomy, and blame. The wife saw his words as a jab at her freedom; he saw them as a shield against a rough world. This everyday spat spiraled into a raw debate about gender and responsibility, pulling readers into a story that’s as relatable as it is thorny. Who’s in the right here?

‘AITA for suggesting that my wife doesn’t wear certain leggings out?’

Backstory- we live in a low income area and there are lots of skeevy dudes that hang out in the neighborhood by the liquor store and by the bus stop. My wife (26 yo) works from home and likes to go for a daily walk to the convenience store a few blocks away for coffee and breakfast.

She is always telling me how local guys give her l**d looks and sometimes make creepy comments while she’s out walking. Yesterday, she called me from the convenience store and asked that I pick her up as there was a creep driving slowly by her while staring.

I work from home, so I didn’t have an issue taking the 2 minute drive to get her. She asks me to do this roughly once a week. When she gets into the car, she tells me about the l**d looks that she gets, and I suggested that she not wear her TikTok leggings out in our neighborhood due to the rude guys that are always out.

(For those unaware, the TikTok leggings are the ‘b**t scrunch’ leggings designed to really show off one’s b**t by scrunching up in the back and going right up the b**t crack). She almost instantly says that it is a misogynistic thing to say and that she should be able to wear whatever she likes.

I agree with her that she ‘should’ be able to wear whatever she likes, but by wearing them she is attracting unwanted attention. I tell her that the guys are pigs, and that they are assholes for making her feel this way. She tells me that she’d get hit on regardless of what she was wearing so she might as well be comfortable.

Anyways it turned into an argument about how I was saying misogynistic things and how she was trying to educate me about how I sounded. I felt hurt because I felt as though my suggestion was meant to prevent her from feeling creeped out by the guys around us.

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Granted, I never said anything to the effect of me ‘not allowing’ her to do it. I was genuinely trying to suggest an alternative to what she was wearing so that she would maybe garner less attention. She said that my opinion on the matter was not wanted and that I would never know what it was like to be a woman.. AITA here?

A husband’s attempt to protect his wife from street harassment stirred up a storm of misunderstanding. The suggestion to avoid “TikTok leggings” wasn’t about control but concern, yet it landed as a critique of her choices. This clash reflects a broader tension: how couples navigate safety in a world where women face disproportionate harassment.

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Dr. Laura Berman, a relationship expert, notes in a Psychology Today article, “Empathy in communication is key to avoiding defensiveness.” The husband’s suggestion, though well-intentioned, missed the mark by seeming to shift responsibility onto his wife. A 2021 study from the Pew Research Center found that 61% of women in the U.S. have experienced street harassment, often regardless of attire, underscoring her point that clothing doesn’t dictate creeps’ behavior.

The wife’s frustration is valid—her autonomy shouldn’t bend to others’ actions. Yet the husband’s fear for her safety isn’t baseless in a rough neighborhood. Both sides dug in, turning a moment of vulnerability into a standoff. Dr. Berman advises couples to “listen to understand, not to respond.” Here, validating her feelings before offering solutions could’ve softened the blow.

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Moving forward, the couple could set ground rules for discussing safety, like agreeing on support signals during walks. The husband might read resources like Psychology Today’s communication tips to better align with her needs. Both can work together to prioritize her safety without compromising her freedom, fostering a stronger partnership.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit jumped into this leggings debate with gusto, dishing out a mix of sharp critiques and personal stories. Some backed the wife’s stand against victim-blaming; others saw the husband’s point but questioned his timing. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

terra_terror − YTA because she is right. *It does not matter what she wears.* Women get catcalled and stared at and creeped on when they wear sweatpants and a t-shirt, when they wear a skirt and heels, when they wear jeans and sneakers. The leggings don't matter.

I am so sick of people victim blaming and saying 'she shouldn't have worn that.' Ffs, Muslim women who follow tradition face the same problem and they are covered head to toe. I see a lot of comments saying you are right, but those people clearly either are not women or have been lucky enough to avoid creeps.

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You can wear anything in the world and a creep will still creep on you. edit: thank you to all the brave folks sharing their stories on this thread. Hopefully OP is reading them as well and realizing why he was wrong to say that. You are the voices that need to be heard.

Bubbly_Satisfaction2 − (sighs) Bless your heart because.... YTA.. As someone, who was born and raised in the hood.... And as someone, who has been s**ually harassed and subjected to street harassment since I was 11 years old....

Clothes just doesn't f**king matter.. I've been harassed and temporarily stalked while wearing winter gear, jeans and shirt, in parkas, in sweat pants.... I have Muslim friends, who were s**ually harassed and they wear abayas and hijabs/niqabs.. The clothes don't matter.

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Doorbelow − YTA - if she was literally wearing a Snuggie she’d be getting the same reactions from those guys. It’s not the leggings.

Novel_Ad_7318 − YTA. I was once told by a friend it doesn't surprise them I am getting catcalled cause I have boobs - I was wearing a long red bulky coat that reached my neck. No matter how we dress, we aren't asking for it and no matter how we dress, some men get off of it - or insult you because you aren't showing off.

It *is* mysoginistic to suggest her not wearing those leggins. They don't matter in the equation here. She didn't ask for you advice, or your opinion. You don't know how it is - it is that simple. It doesn't matter how old we are, what we wear, how we behave. It shouldn't be on us to change for something other people do to us. Especially since that change does NOTHING.. Simple as that.

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Potential_Minimum537 − You may not realize this because your don’t personally experience it but those dudes will stare no matter what. I’ve been groped in public wearing a sweatshirt three sizes too big and jeans. It doesn’t matter what kind of leggings she wears. YTA.

OldButterscotch1 − YTA because it was the wrong time and place. She asked you to pick her up because she was so creeped out by someone in public! At the moment she got in the car, she wanted emotional support and a feeling of safety.

She did not want to be told what she had done wrong. You might think your “suggestion” was harmless because you were trying to help, but *she didn’t want help at that moment*. She wanted to know that you have her back and that you will support her.

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Pretty classic case of a woman wanting emotional support and a man trying to “fix” it instead. Also it’s pretty s**tty for you to make this about *you* feeling hurt when your wife is the one dealing with actual harassment.

lihzee − YTA. She should be able to wear what she wants without having to worry about gross dudes leering at her. It's not her fault that they do this, no matter what she's wearing.

Doctor-Liz − YTA.. 1. She *didn't ask* for your opinion. 2. She didn't ask you to fix this. 3. 'If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out'. It is on creepers not to creep, not on creep-ees not to be creeped on. Sure, maybe this *one* incident this *one* time was triggered by the leggings, but I'll lay you all the money in my pockets she's been catcalled wearing 'ugly pants' too.

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4. Telling her to change her wardrobe to avoid creeps is called 'blaming the victim for the perpetrator's actions', and by deflecting any of the onus for this not happening again on to her its being shifted away from where it belongs: the creepers.. 5. *She didn't ask you to fix this*

Extra reading: I find the [wallet analogy] to be a pretty good run-down of how, yes, individual behaviour being different might have prevented this exact incident but ultimately we need to be talking about the wallet thieves, not the wallet havers.

Darth_Xenic − Update- [This blew up far more than I expected!] First of all, thank you all for sharing your stories. I’ve read each and every comment, and I have put a lot of though in this. To be perfectly honest, I’m surprised by the through-line within most of the history in these posts.

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It is evident that there is a clear history of systemic misogyny in our culture. I understand how I play a part of it. I see now that my comment was unnecessary and timed awfully. My wife was afraid, and I should have given her more support than I did at the time.

I had a conversation with my wife tonight and apologized to her for my comments and my behavior. I did show her this post, and she spent some time reading the comments. She agrees that a non biased third party (thank you all) was a good way to help me learn.

I can be fairly stubborn, and these comments were eye opening. I want to thank everyone for being so passionate about this. I love my wife a ton and want to be a good partner to her. I will take the advice that you have shared with me and work on being a better ally, a better husband, and a better human

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[Reddit User] − I’m a woman. I have those leggings. I will agree that maybe your timing and delivery was not perfect, but NTA. She needed help because she found herself in a situation she didn’t feel comfortable after being in this exact situation before.

Why continue to put herself in a position she doesn’t feel comfortable in because she wants to pretend we live in a perfect world where people aren’t creeps?! Yes, she should be able to comfortably wear whatever she wants.

If she wants to continue to put herself in situations where she feels unsafe because of her attire, she needs to be able to control and protect herself. What if someone attacks her? What if you aren’t around? It doesn’t make sense to me when women take this staunch position of “I should be able to do this, so I will” and ignore the possible consequences.

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It sucks, I hate it, and I will try and work on it - like where the leggings when she has a friend with her or after she feels like she could protect herself if necessary. NTA for making a suggestion to protect her and sucks we live in a world where this is a reality.

These Redditors didn’t hold back, with some cheering the wife’s pushback and others urging the husband to rethink his approach. But do these fiery takes nail the issue, or are they just adding fuel to the fire?

This leggings controversy lays bare the messy line between protection and autonomy. The husband’s heart was in the right place, but his words hit a raw nerve, highlighting how quickly good intentions can misfire. The wife’s stand for her freedom resonates, yet the reality of their neighborhood’s risks lingers. Open communication and mutual empathy could bridge this gap. What would you do if you were navigating this tricky balance? Share your thoughts below!

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