AITA for stopping the funds?

Picture a father, wallet open like a well-meaning ATM, only to discover his cash has been bankrolling a lifestyle he never signed up for. Eight years after a gut-punch divorce, this dad learns his daughter and ex-wife have been living large on his dime, with his college dropout daughter texting for funds like it’s an allowance. The sting of betrayal hits hard, especially when his son spills the tea, leaving him to question his generosity.

This Reddit tale is a juicy mix of family drama, trust, and tough choices. The father’s decision to pull the plug on his daughter’s funds while sparing his son has Redditors buzzing. Is he the bad guy for drawing the line, or is this a masterclass in setting boundaries? Let’s unpack the chaos with a smirk and some wisdom.

‘AITA for stopping the funds?’

Eight years ago my wife left me after cheating was discovered. Despite having 50/50 custody of our children (F 21, M19) they wanted to live with my ex so I was okay with it as long as I could see them. I worked more and got a better income and covered all their extra expenses even after the youngest turned 18.

I even paid towards the college funds by myself depsite it being court ordered that both would pay equally towards it. In addition to paying tuition I paid any other expenses (car, expensive clothing, electronics, holidays etc) even tough after a while my daughter went almost no contact. She sends me texts with amount and where to send it and I send the money.

Two weeks ago my son turned up on my doorstep after I hadn't heard from him in two months. He told me that my daughter dropped out of college after a few months and that I have been funding their mothers and her new childrens lifestyle all these years as her affair partner left her after their third child. My daughter has been using me as has my son to help theri mother and their own lifestyle.

Upon finding this out I stoppeed the money train. Turns out neither my ex nor my daugther work and they have used my cash to fund their lifestyle. Now they can get evicted if I don't continue to pay. I am not cutting out my son as he came clean.. AITA the for stopping the funds on my daughter and not my son?

Edit: Since a lot of people have asked to clarify the cheating part. During the holidays our children were at her parents. I came home from work to pick up some papers I had forgotten for a presentation and I discovered her on the kitchen floor in a very flexible position. She was not alone.

Talk about a family plot twist that could rival a daytime drama. This father’s discovery that his generosity was misused screams boundary issues. He sees himself as a duped provider, while his daughter and ex likely view his support as a given, leaning into years of unchecked financial flow. Oh, the irony of thinking you’re Dad of the Year, only to find you’re the family ATM.

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This taps into a bigger issue: financial dependency in families. A 2019 Pew Research Center study found 38% of U.S. young adults rely on parental support, often stunting independence , “Overfunding adult children can erode self-reliance and breed entitlement.” The daughter’s near silence, save for money requests, hints at strained ties and possible manipulation.

The fix? Clear boundaries, stat. Orbuch suggests discussing financial expectations openly to avoid resentment. The father could invite his daughter to explain her choices, keeping communication open but firm on halting unconditional funds. This fosters accountability while leaving room for healing, ensuring he’s not enabling dependency but supporting growth.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit dove into this drama like it’s a backyard barbecue with unlimited shade.

[Reddit User] − NTA -- Though, I'd be keeping a close eye on the son to make sure he isn't playing both ends against the middle.

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Eldest_of_Five − NTA. Your ex and daughter need to go out and find jobs if they wish to support their own lifestyles. If you want to continue giving money to just your son that’s entirely your choice — it’s your money. However, I worry that your ex or daughter will badger him for the money you do give him.

TrainingDearest − NTA. You're son came clean even though he was taking the risk of losing the easy money. If he's still giving the money to his mother and sister, I would cut him off too. If he's not, then it's up to you to wean him off at some point: he needs to be working on a plan for college or vocational skills for his future because I shudder to think of what life lessons his mother has taught him.

sage_ley − NTA, your ex is awful and you owe her nothing. Your daughter needs to learn how to support herself.

Cautious-Damage7575 − NTA. Did you say you have a new wife? Worry about her, not the moochers.

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BeccasBump − I'm just here for 'cheating was discovered'.

Scarlettohara1605 − NTA- You went above & beyond & your daughter and ex-wife too advantage of this. Your children are both adults now so you are not obligated to continue financially support them. In future I would also not give either of you children money as gifts for birthdays/Christmas etc as you can't guarantee that it won't go to your ex

[Reddit User] − NTA, though I would suggest trying to find out more information. I'd reach out to your daughter to see if there is any conflict between your two kids, as this might be an elaborate ploy of jealousy from your son.

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SkyLightk23 − Info: for how long have you been funding them? I didn't get that right. Years? How many?

ProfMcGonagall88 − I’d tell your daughter that if she is so worried about her siblings being taken care of, she should tell her mother to sell that expensive 6 bedroom house and then at least for a little while, she could afford to take care of her own minor children

From cheering the father’s tough love to side-eyeing the son’s motives, the crowd’s got opinions hotter than a summer grill. But do these spicy takes see the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames?

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This father’s saga is a wild ride of loyalty, betrayal, and hard choices. Cutting off his daughter feels like reclaiming his dignity, but sparing his son raises eyebrows about fairness. It’s a classic case of where generosity meets its limit. What would you do if you were in his shoes, balancing love and tough love? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation going!

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