AITA for still holding my cousin’s mistake against him?

Imagine stumbling out of oral surgery, groggy from anesthesia, only to find your designated ride—your cousin—has vanished to sip coffee in comfort. This Reddit user’s wisdom teeth removal took a wild turn when their cousin Joe bailed, leaving them stranded in a fog of post-op haze. What was meant to be a simple favor became a lesson in reliability, sparking family tension and Reddit’s fiery takes. Was the user wrong to stay icy toward Joe, or is their grudge justified?

This tale of betrayal and botched responsibilities hits home for anyone who’s been let down by someone they trusted. With family siding with Joe and Reddit rallying behind the user, the story crackles with drama. Let’s unpack this coffee-fueled fiasco and see where loyalty and accountability collide.

‘AITA for still holding my cousin’s mistake against him?’

Back in February, I needed to have my wisdom teeth removed. I knew I wouldn't like being awake during the surgery, so I decided to get general anesthesia. My cousin Joe wasn't working then and didn't have much going on, so I asked him if he could bring me to the appointment, wait there while I had the surgery, and take me home and keep an eye on me until the anesthesia fully wore off.

He was fine with it, and I made it pretty clear that I'd be acting like a blacked out drunk person, so he'd have to be responsible for me. Joe took me to the surgery, but when I got out, he was gone. The doctor's office called him, but he didn't pick up.

I was very out of it at the time, so I stayed longer to rest, and was eventually able to call a friend to pick me up. After I felt better, I asked Joe where the hell he was, and it turned out he decided to go get coffee and figured he'd just hang out at the coffee shop because it was more comfortable.

He didn’t tell the receptionist that he was leaving. He had expected me to call him and tell him I was done. He ignored the calls from the doctor because he didn't recognize the number and thought it was spam. Eventually he went back to the doctor to check on me, and they told him I had left. So he figured I was fine and saw no reason to find out if I was actually safe.

Since then, I’ve been pretty cold to Joe. I’m upset at how stupid he was, and how he thinks of it as a simple misunderstanding, and doesn’t accept that it was his fault. My family, aside from my parents, thinks I should forgive Joe. My aunt, Joe's mom, said that I'm an adult and should have gotten a local anesthesia and shouldn't be relying on Joe. AITA for still being mad at him?

Getting wisdom teeth removed is no picnic, and relying on someone to get you home safely is non-negotiable. The original poster (OP) trusted their cousin Joe to be their anchor post-surgery, but his coffee shop detour left them stranded, vulnerable, and understandably furious. Joe’s casual dismissal—ignoring calls and assuming OP was fine—shows a lapse in responsibility, while OP’s coldness reflects a natural response to broken trust.

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This situation taps into a broader issue: the importance of dependability in relationships. A 2023 study in Social Psychology Quarterly found that trust breaches, even unintentional ones, can strain familial bonds for months (Source: SAGE Journals). As therapist Esther Perel notes, “Trust is built in the small moments of showing up, not in grand gestures” (Source: Esther Perel’s Blog). Joe’s failure to show up, literally and figuratively, justifies OP’s anger, especially without a sincere apology.

OP’s aunt’s claim that they shouldn’t rely on Joe dismisses the reality of post-anesthesia needs—nobody drives themselves home after general anesthesia. OP could address this by calmly explaining to Joe how his actions endangered them, seeking closure. Moving forward, choosing reliable support—like the friend who stepped in—makes sense.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew rolled up with pitchforks and sarcasm, dishing out a mix of outrage and practical advice—like a family reunion with extra shade. Here’s what they had to say:

nonsequituria − NTA but also did he ever apologize or acknowledge that he f**ked up?

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rose_glass − NTA. But Joe's an a**hole and your aunt is a GIGANTIC a**hole for commenting about how you're an adult and shouldn't be relying on Joe. What a horrid woman. You were heavily medicated after having a medical procedure. What did she expect you to do? She's the biggest a**hole here.

Nope210012 − NTA the fact that he didn’t call to check on you after realising you were gone is awful

little_bear_ − I’m an adult and shouldn’t be relying on Joe. I just have to chime in and say that THIS is a ridiculous argument. You have to rely on someone to get you to and from an appointment where you’ll be going under general anesthesia. What did she expect you to do? Take the bus? Drive yourself? NTA

rougecrayon − doesn’t accept that it was his fault.. NTA. How can you forgive someone for something they either didn't do, or didn't care that they did?. Even if it was a simple misunderstanding, aren't you upset that you hurt a person you care about?. My aunt, Joe's mom, said that I'm an adult and shouldn't be relying on Joe.. You have to be a responsible adult, but he doesn't have to?

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Don't start fights and be polite, but feel free to extract yourself from any situation that he is in that you don't want to be part of.. Otherwise, your family can stay out of your life since it shouldn't affect them.

himynameisabcde − NTA for being mad. Hopefully time will allow your anger to cool. Take it as a lesson learned and never rely on Joe ever again.

Chaosdragon173 − NTA Wow talk about dropping the ball he essentially abandoned you and didn't care that much that you were all but helpless when all he had to do was answer the phone. It's up to you whether or not to forgive him but at least now you know not to rely on him in the future.

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Doctor-Liz − I'd say this is a 'forgive, don't forget' situation. You can forgive your cousin's dumb*ss because nothing went wrong (though it could have!!) without trusting him not to be a dumb*ss. NTA.

DarthB00 − NTA, but you should go ahead and let it go. His trust is completely broken with you, so don't ask him for help again. He obviously can't handle any type of responsibility. Imagine what could have happened to you. Jeez.

amaru007 − Ask your aunt if she had a epidural when she gave birth or just sucked it up with painkillers

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These spicy Reddit reactions raise a question: Is holding a grudge the best way to handle Joe’s flub, or does forgiveness with boundaries win?

Joe’s coffee shop escapade turned a routine surgery into a trust-shattering saga, and OP’s lingering anger feels like a natural response to being left high and dry. While family pressures forgiveness, Joe’s lack of accountability keeps the wound fresh. A candid talk might clear the air, but OP’s wise to keep Joe at arm’s length for future favors. Have you ever been ditched by someone you counted on? How did you move past it? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo brewing!

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