AITA for “stealing” my ex bestfriend kids?

In a quiet neighborhood where childhood laughter once echoed, a heartbreaking rift unfolds. Amber and her best friend, now the OP, shared dreams and secrets until life took a sharp turn. When Amber’s twins arrived, joy turned to struggle as her battle with addiction cast a dark shadow. The OP, torn between loyalty and fear for the children’s safety, stepped into a role no one could’ve predicted. Readers feel the weight of this dilemma—when does saving someone’s kids cross a line?

The air grows heavy with tension as choices unravel lifelong bonds. Amber’s spiral into drugs and reckless behavior forced a painful decision, sparking a firestorm of accusations. This story isn’t just about custody; it’s about love, betrayal, and the courage to act when it matters most. Dive into a tale that’ll tug at your heartstrings and spark heated debates.

‘AITA for “stealing” my ex bestfriend kids?’

So growing up my bestfriend Amber and I were inseparable we grew up next door to each other.. She was even the first person I came out to. And was the biggest supporter after. But when she was 19 Amber got pregnant. The father wanted nothing to do with it and went completely off the map.

Amber didn't want to have a a**rtion and decide she was going to have the baby. I agreed to help her every step of the way.. But she then found she was having twins.. This resulting in her having to drop out of college once she gave brith.. I tried to help to the best of my abilities but I myself was a broke college student.

Because of this she fell in to a deep depression and treated it with alcohol and eventually drugs. And she start doing stupid thing that put her kids in harm's way. She never internally hurt the kids but her action due to her substance abuse have put the kids in extreme danger on mutiple occasions..

She eventually got reported to DCS by a anonymous party and her kid's were taken from her.. She herself ask me to agree to take them so they wouldn't go into foster care. Which I did. She was allowed visitation. But would show up drunk and or high. This was not a pretty side of her. She say and donstuuf that scared the kids.

Would tried to start physical fights with me and my fiancee and on mutiple occasion she down right insult us mostly using h**ophobic insult on us. The she show up high out of her mind talking no sense and tried to run off with the kids and when we wouldn't let her she completely trashed our apartment. That was the last straw..

We called the cops and she was arrested.. Me and my fiancee agree not to press charge if she agreed to give up her custody rights temporarily.. She agreed to sign the papers. This all happen over the span of 2 and half years. She also had a few d**g charges that we had no contorl over.

But she ended up getting probation for those and is now posting about how we stole her kids. She still a heavy d**g user and has completely converted to homophobia. She tells people we are c**ruption her children with our reationship. Now here's the part that might make me the a**hole. I was the anonymous reporter.

I reported her in the first places. I never thought she lose her kids. As I wasn't aware of how bad she was in the hole with her d**g use. I was just hoping the visted might get her to striaghten up her act. Edit: this post should of said temporarily parent rights. Meaning she had the option to get them back of she get sober.. So AITA for 'stealing' my ex best friend's kids.

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Amber’s story is a gut-punch, showing how addiction can fracture families. The OP’s choice to report her friend wasn’t betrayal—it was a desperate bid to protect vulnerable kids. Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned addiction expert, notes, “Addiction is not a choice but a response to pain” . Amber’s substance abuse likely stemmed from untreated trauma, but her actions endangered her twins, justifying intervention.

The OP faced a moral tug-of-war: loyalty to Amber versus the twins’ safety. Reporting her was a calculated risk, hoping a wake-up call might spark change. Sadly, Amber’s continued drug use and homophobic outbursts show little progress. A 2023 study from the National Institute on Drug Abuse found that 70% of child welfare cases involve parental substance abuse, highlighting the broader issue.

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Maté’s work suggests recovery is possible with compassion and structure, but Amber must want it. The OP’s decision to take custody aligns with prioritizing child welfare, a stance courts often uphold. For now, the twins need stability—something Amber can’t provide. The OP should maintain open communication, documenting incidents while offering Amber supervised visits if she seeks treatment.

Readers, this isn’t just one family’s drama—it’s a window into how addiction ripples through lives. The OP’s actions, though painful, were rooted in love for the kids. Consider setting boundaries with empathy, as Maté advises, to balance hope for Amber’s recovery with the twins’ safety.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and sass for the OP’s saga. It’s like a virtual campfire where everyone’s got a story and a strong opinion. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

CALC-YOULATER − NTA. in fact if you hadn't been the one who reported I'd be actually mad at you. The kids needed to be out of there you did not steal them. You did the right thing. Edit: thank you kind people for the awards, this is the most I've ever gotten :,) so nice.

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I really thought this was gunna be an unpopular opinion and I'd be downvoted into oblivion. OP good luck and thank you for taking care of those kiddos. I'm sure birth mom will give you guys trouble for the rest of her life, but here's to hoping she can get clean and at least be something positive for her children.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Those children take priority over the dangerous habits of their so called mother. You reported her and that's good. There are some people who are more dangerous to their kids then beneficial and you did the right thing.. She can tell people whatever she wants. Those kids are safe with you and your fiance.

[Reddit User] − NTA.. You didnt steal those kids. You saved them.

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TiberiusClegane − You're NTA. The health and safety of the kids is paramount. All other considerations are secondary.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your focus is right where it should be — the wellbeing of the children.

QuitaQuites − NTA they’re not her kids and she had other options from the beginning to work with social workers, d**g treatment, etc. That said, beyond the homophobia as being h**ophobic isn’t a legal issue. Legally, those are now your children, they’re not hers, she did things to have them taken away and hasn’t done anything to try to get them back.

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It would be different is she was clean for years and you didn’t let them see her, but that’s not the case. That said, it’s hard to get your kids taken away, judges WANT kids to stay with their biological mother, they’ll work hard to make that happen, so this is on her.

Allllll of that said, it is important that they know she’s their biological mother and why (according to their age) she can’t see them right now. But just like with any adoption, it’s important that kids knows the deal, of course according to their age.

error40_4__ − NTA. You got those kids out of a bad situation and welcomed them in your family. You did the right thing OP.

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[Reddit User] − As someone who was once like those kids. I commend you for caring for them.. This actually happened to me. But in stead of best friends, it was a brother and sister. My mother was a j**kie.

For the first years of my life I fought both heroin and valium addiction because that was the only way my bio mom could control me and keep the child docile so she could go out and get her fix until I'd go through withdrawal and she drop me off to my grandmother who was 60, blind and suffering from cancer. Her brother (my adoptive dad) did this.

She was basically told to sign her rights of me to him. In fact, some paperwork was filled out wrong and a judge told my now dad to grab me and run and getme away from her, they'll worry about the paperwork later. By this time I was 5 and had ZERO social skills because I never socialized with kids.. I'm 51 now. I'm happy. I was/am loved.. Much love and strength to you and yours.

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TheUltradianCyclist − AITA for 'stealing' my ex best friend's kids.. You spelled 'protecting' wrong and you're NTA.

Order66-Cody − NTA. Now here's the part that might make me the a**hole. I was the anonymous reporter.. You would have been TA if you hadnt done so.

These Redditors rallied behind the OP, praising their courage while shaking their heads at Amber’s chaos. Some saw the report as a lifesaver; others shared personal tales of similar struggles. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

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This tale of loyalty, loss, and tough love leaves us pondering where duty begins and ends. The OP’s choice to protect the twins reshaped their lives, but Amber’s accusations sting with betrayal. It’s a messy, human story that challenges us to weigh compassion against responsibility. What would you do if you had to choose between a friend’s feelings and a child’s safety? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this conversation going.

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