AITA for stealing (back) my mug from my roommate’s girlfriend?

Imagine a house buzzing with five roommates, where mugs vanish like socks in a dryer. For one Reddit user, a cherished Christmas gift—a mug from his girlfriend—became the center of a sticky situation. When his roommate Richard casually gifted it to his own girlfriend, Monica, for her birthday, the user’s patience wore thin. After weeks of dodged questions and no mug in sight, a party at Monica’s offered a chance to reclaim what was his. But was snagging it from her kitchen a bold move or a petty theft?

This tale of mugs and missteps brews a perfect storm of roommate drama, sentimental value, and unspoken boundaries. With Reddit users pouring in opinions hotter than morning coffee, the story stirs up questions about property, respect, and how far you’d go for a beloved keepsake.

‘AITA for stealing (back) my mug from my roommate’s girlfriend?’

Last Christmas (2018), my girlfriend gave me a mug. It wasn't a huge gift, but it's a nice enough mug, and it was the first gift that she gave me in our relationship. Two months ago, the mug went missing from my house.

I live with 5 dudes, so I'm used to things going missing and turning back up weeks later.. Still, this was a special mug, and I got worried after a month.. I asked around, and nobody had seen it. One of my roommates, Richard, loves to use my mugs, so I kept bugged him about it a few more times him.

After three or four different times of me asking him, Richard said that he 'might have given it to his girlfriend', who is named Monica.. I thought about the timeline, and realized that the mug went missing right around her birthday.. I asked Richard to get it back, and he said okay, but seemed put off by the question.

I talked to another roommate about it, and he seemed to think that I was being weird about the whole thing, since these are 'just mugs'. A few weeks went by, and a few more instances of me bugging Richard about it, and the mug still hadn't shown back up.

I see Monica all the time, but I didn't want to bring it up with her since it would feel awkward, especially if I'm asking her to give back a present from her boyfriend to me.. I don't feel like bringing it up with her should be my responsibility.. Last night, it was Richard's birthday, and Monica invited me and my girlfriend to a party at her house.

I should note that my girlfriend has been pretty upset about this whole thing, since it was something that she gave to me.. While we were there, my girlfriend mentioned that maybe we should check the kitchen for the mug.. Sure enough, it was in one of the cupboards.

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We were both pretty pissed that Richard had blown me off for a month about this while the mug was just sitting at his girlfriend's house, and so we grabbed the mug and left. Now I'm feeling a little s**tty, since we never talked to Monica, and technically we stole one of her birthday presents. I still don't want to talk to her, since, again, I really shouldn't have been put in this position in the first place.. AITA here?

Edit: Two things in defense of Richard (even though I'm completely pissed still, I want to make sure the whole story is represented). 1. There are a lot of things laying around the house that don't really belong to anyone since they were there from past tenants.

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I've given my girlfriend things from this situation (though not for her birthday and not without checking with my roommates first). 2. The way that Richard phrased 'I might have given it to my girlfriend' seemed ambiguous to me.

Either he gave it to her as a gift for her birthday, or he brought her coffee at work and she took the mug home. He only mentioned that Monica was involved once, so that's all the info I have about how it got to her house.. 

The mug heist may seem trivial, but it reveals deeper issues about respect and communication in shared living spaces. The user’s decision to take back the mug without confronting Monica stemmed from frustration with Richard’s dismissive attitude. This highlights a common roommate issue: unclear boundaries over shared or personal items. A 2022 study by Apartment Therapy found that 68% of roommates face conflicts over personal belongings, often due to poor communication.

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Dr. Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and friendship expert, notes in a Psychology Today article, “Clear communication about personal property prevents resentment in close-knit living situations.” Richard’s failure to confirm the mug’s ownership before gifting it was a breach of trust, and his reluctance to retrieve it amplified the user’s frustration. Taking the mug back was understandable but sidestepped a chance to resolve the issue openly.

To move forward, the user should have a calm conversation with Richard, clarifying that the mug’s sentimental value made it non-negotiable. Addressing Monica directly, explaining the mix-up politely, could prevent future awkwardness. Setting house rules about personal items can avoid repeat offenses. This saga underscores the need for respect in shared spaces—something a quick chat could’ve brewed up instead of a covert kitchen caper.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew stirred the pot with gusto, serving up a blend of cheers and jeers as lively as a coffee shop debate. Some hailed the user’s mug rescue, others called for a bolder showdown with Richard. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

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RobotsFightingTrexes − NTA, and furthermore, you GOTTA tell Monica that Richard stole her birthday gift from you.

Taraismyname23 − NTA. Monica deserves better than Richard. Chandler would never pull such a selfish stunt.

yellowbeams − NTA, I just want an update when richard finds out that you took the mug back.

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Cosmohumanist − YTA for not loudly exclaiming “Oh! MY GIRLFRIEND’s LONG LOST MUG!!” as you parade in front of them both, holding it high with joyful tears in your eyes.. A**hole.

WriterInIron − NTA, but you have to tell Monica that her present was stolen. That's a really big deal. You didn't technically steal anything, you recovered stolen property. If you'd reported D**k to the police, then Monica wouldn't have been allowed to keep the present. (Not that the police would investigate stolen mugs)

galacticretriever − ESH because the mature way is to go up and talk with Monica. So what if it was gifted to her? I'm sure Monica can connect the dots if you and your girlfriend went up to her and said 'I've been missing this mug (girlfriend) gifted me for (time missing) and I think this may be it because Richard said he might have given it to you.'

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If she's any lick of reasonable, she'd give it back and talk to Richard. It's your property and you're entitled to get it back but, like.. just straight up taking it is childish. What if Monica goes to your place, sees that 'her' mug is there and just takes it because she thinks Richard borrowed it? Or asks him to bring it back if he sees it? Now it's just a whole back and forth thing.. Richard is AH for obvious reasons.

ElleryC91 − In my opinion, NTA. You roommate had NO right to give away YOUR property. You were right in regaining your stolen property, but you need to 100% tell Monica about it, preferably with roommate around, so that he can feel s**tty for doing something s**tty. Yes, that kinda ruins a birthday memory, but she has the right to know that he didn’t actually get her a gift.

HinokasBow − NTA it was your mug and you asked for it back repeatedly and he never did anything about it. Sucks for Monica, but it was yours. I’d keep it in your room so it doesn’t get stolen back by your roommate or Monica.

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Openbookpolicy − NTA you should maybe bring it up privately to Monica. I would be pissed to find out my boyfriend didnt put any thought in my birthday gift and it was in fact a stolen item.

EleonoraBPoe − NTA, He's an a**hole. First, for stealing, second for giving his girlfriend a random used mug for her birthday. He couldn't go to goodwill and blow a buck on a mug there?. It doesn't matter that it was laying around, Richard should have checked before laying claim to your mug.

Reddit’s verdict leans heavily toward “NTA,” slamming Richard’s careless gifting and urging the user to spill the beans to Monica. Some see the stealth retrieval as childish, others as justified. But do these hot takes brew the full picture, or are they just frothing up the drama?

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This mug-centered drama boils down to respect—or the lack of it—in shared spaces. The user’s sneaky retrieval was fueled by frustration, but it left Monica in the dark about her boyfriend’s shady gift. A simple conversation might’ve saved the day without souring the party vibe. Have you ever had a roommate cross a line with your stuff? What would you do if your prized possession ended up in someone else’s hands? Share your stories—let’s stir up some thoughts on handling roommate rifts.

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