AITA for stand up to my MIL?

In a cozy apartment, a 27-year-old woman’s joy at impending motherhood was overshadowed by sharp-tongued jabs from her mother-in-law. Thrilled about her first child after a year of trying, she faced a barrage of snide remarks about her preschool teacher job and barista side gig. Her MIL’s elitism, rooted in her lawyer family’s status, turned excitement into tension.

When the MIL tried to hijack her baby shower, the woman snapped, delivering a fiery ultimatum. Was she wrong to stand her ground? This story dives into the clash of class, family, and fierce maternal instinct.

‘AITA for stand up to my MIL?’

My (27F) husband (29M) and I found out a few months ago that we will be parents soon, it's a huge deal for us because we've been trying to get pregnant for the last yean and we are so grateful and full of joy that it's finally happen. It's important to say that both his parents and my husband are lawyers while my dad is a constructor and my mother is a dancer,

for them it has been enough to give me and my younger brothers (23M & 17M) everything we needed in life but unfortunately it has provoked that his mother (54F) and his sister (32f) to look down on me and my family. This caused my husband to go low to almost no contact with his side of his family two years ago, only texting his father and his younger brother every now an then.

I work as a preschooler teacher and with the pandemic and not everyone accessing to a computer or free time to supervise their kids with this pandemic my job has been difficult so in Nov of last year I decided to get another job as a barista in a café a few blocks down our house, it didn't thrilled my MIL when she found out and while my husband said that it wasn't necessary,

I wanted to support him in the way he supports me and to be able to take home some money. After we found out about the baby my husband said that he didn't wanted to break the news to his family because he knew his dad or brother wouldn't be able to keep it a secret for much longer and while I respected his decision I decided to talk to him about it after we told my parents because,

I couldn't keep my mom's joyful face away from my head and I felt as if we were robbing that moment from not only his mom but his entire family. It was my mistake. Ever since we told her she has been coming to my house non-stop uninvited, at first I was fine with that because I thought she was just excited you know? first grandchild after all, but then the comments began again.

If I showed her something like a crib or a onesie she would throw comments like ''can you get that with your teacher salary... sorry, barista?'' ''I guess my son's money can be use in something better'' ''if my family is paying for that, we will get something better'', this time I tried to fix it on my own by talking to her, but it didn't do anything.

I finally had enough when she said that I could prolly invite three or four people to my own baby shower and to leave the rest to her. I told her that she had no right to interfere with that kind of stuff, that I had enough of her insults, and that she was the one who could invite three or four people and not me and, if she didn't behaved we might not even invite her.

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She left my house furious and became even more angry when my husband backed me up and not her when he found out. However some of my husband's aunts and his sister think that I overstepped by threatening to no invite her to the baby shower and that I should apologize. I know my husbands adores his family I don't want to be the reason he stops talking to them again.

Standing up to a domineering in-law is like navigating a minefield in stilettos. This woman’s clash with her MIL reveals a power struggle fueled by class differences and boundary violations. The MIL’s comments belittle her career and family, reflecting a deeper sense of superiority. Meanwhile, the woman’s stand protects her autonomy as a mother-to-be.

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Class-based family tensions are common, with 40% of Americans reporting family conflict over socioeconomic differences, per a 2021 Pew Research study (source). The MIL’s behavior risks alienating her from her grandchild.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, advises, “Boundaries are essential for healthy family dynamics, especially when respect is lacking” (source). The woman’s firm response aligns with this, asserting her right to control her celebration. Her husband’s support strengthens their united front.

To move forward, she could calmly reinforce boundaries, perhaps limiting visits if disrespect continues. Couples counseling might help align expectations.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit brought the heat with their takes on this family showdown. Here’s what they said:

Zorgas - NTA. She is a s**b. Keep firm boundaries set up with this woman or she will run roughshod over your lives. Discuss early on with your husband what kind of financial involvement you'll accept from them on behalf of your kid or your MIL may try manipulate you with money for college funds etc. And my goodness! It's *your* baby shower not hers! Who ever heard of the MIL inviting her own people to her DIL'S baby shower! Yikes

[Reddit User] - No, no, no. Don't let them do this to you. I know my husbands adores his family I don't want to be the reason he stops talking to them again. If he goes low/no contact, it is because of THEIR behavior, not yours. You are not a doormat. You are the wife of your MIL's son and the mother of her grandchild. She treats you like you are beneath her because she is an attorney. She is a giant gaping AH. You are NTA.

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MissMurderpants - I need sun glasses to see you, OP with the supernova shiny spine.. Awesome job. Please feel free to block any relatives who talk bad to you. They get one warning to not b**t into your business before they get cut off. Or just cut them off.. I’m very glad your hubs backs you up.

r/JUSTNOMIL give yourself a trip down scary mother in law land in that subreddit. Better to prepare yourself if she goes crazy. SIL and Aunts in-law have shown themselves to be MILs flying monkeys. Don’t tell them anything.

SerenDipitY_2020 - ''if my family is paying for that, we will get something better''. right there \^\^\^\^\^\^ thats your problem, right there she considers your husband to be her child and his money is theirs to control , she's not realizing she is now extended family and the family money that is buying these items is DH & YOURS

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DH needs to make it clear that HIS families finances are not any of her concern and not up for discussion and that she has no say in his marriage or his home furnishings unless asked

Trick_Few - NTA If you do have stand up to her now, good luck with the next 18 years. I can say this with experience. I didn’t stand up and have regretted it for 17 years.

NefariousnessGlum424 - NTA - if your MIL doesn’t respect you she shouldn’t be involved in anything to do with your fetus/baby/child. Set this standard early. Also does your MIL think that she and her family just magically became lawyers or that a teacher helped them get there. You and your profession deserve far more respect than this.

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iaincaradoc - NTA. Set your boundaries, and expect your husband to support you in maintaining them.. Or get ready for MiL to run roughshod over you. Repeatedly.

thebabes2 - NTA. You did the right thing. Mommy Dearest needs to understand that she is not entitled to any time, attention or access to your family. She doesn't get to step all over you and be disrespectful. Nope.

She respects your/your husbands boundaries and rules, or she can face the consequence of being less involved in her grandchild's life. She's a bully. Your husband is a keeper and he needs to make it clear what life will look like going forward to her. If she keeps up her same act, go back to low/no contact.

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airbornecavepuppy - NTA She sounds like someone out of JustNoMIL. She needed to be put in her place. That type of woman isn't happy with anyone that wants to be with their precious babies.

turningfan-NOT - NTA. if it was my mother, i would be furious too. You’re married to your husband, so you are his responsibility and if he’s not against what you’re doing as a career then no one is allowed to( he shouldn’t anyway). Blood makes you related but loyalty makes you family.

These comments cheer the woman’s boldness but warn of escalating drama. Do they nail the balance between standing firm and keeping peace? It’s a spicy mix of support and strategy.

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This tale of a mom-to-be battling her MIL’s elitism sparks questions about respect and boundaries. Was she right to threaten her MIL’s exclusion from the baby shower? When family oversteps, how do you protect your space without burning bridges? Share your thoughts—what would you do in her shoes?

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