AITA for spoiling my best friend’s proposal?

Jonathan Hours
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Wedding bells are ringing, and a 27-year-old bride-to-be buzzes with joy—three weeks from her big day! Her maid of honor, Cassie, a lifelong bestie since age 10, pours heart and soul into planning, a true gem. But trouble brews when Sophie, Cassie’s introverted girlfriend, pitches a wild idea: proposing at the reception to “bond” them all. Cue the record scratch—our bride shuts it down fast!

Sophie storms off, hinting she’ll do it anyway, leaving the bride panicked. She spills to Cassie, igniting a firestorm. Now, Cassie’s a wreck, Sophie’s out, and guilt gnaws: did she ruin a romance? Grab your bouquet and dive into this whirlwind of loyalty, love, and a wedding-day showdown!

‘AITA for spoiling my best friend’s proposal?’

So I, (27F) am getting married to my fiancé, (27M) in a little under three weeks. Everything has been going amazing with the planning, and I’m ecstatic for the day. My best friend, “Cassie”, whom I’ve been friends with since we were 10 years old is my maid of honor. She is truly one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, and has stuck with me through everything.

She’s been the biggest help in planning this whole ordeal, and I wouldn’t trade her for the world. However, I’ve never been the biggest fan of her girlfriend, “Sophie”. I always show her respect, and try to include her in things, but she’s a huge introvert, and sometimes it can come off as disrespect in return (Cassie’s own words).

But, they always seem to be very happy together, so I hope she warms up to me a little in time. (They’ve only been together for a little over a year and a half). Several days ago, Sophie approached me, asking me if I’d be okay if she proposed during my reception. She claimed it would be a great way for Cassie and I to bond more, having our weddings linked and all of that. (Not that we need any more time to bond, she’s already my other half)

I love Cassie to death, but I’d never allow that for anyone. I shut the idea down immediately, and Sophie got all pissy with me and left. She said something along the lines of “I don’t need your permission anyway” and walked out the door. This made me fearful that she’d attempt it anyway, so I went to Cassie. Needless to say, Cassie was mad. I never really see her get angry, but she was livid.

She apologized profusely, and said she couldn’t believe Sophie would ever think of doing something like that, and that was the end of our conversation. However, two days ago I got another call from Sophie, berating me for spoiling her plan to propose, and was informed that Cassie would be attending the wedding by herself, and is currently not speaking to her.

I was concerned that wasn’t the entire story, and so I called Cassie. She was a mess, said she was staying with her parents right now, and disinvited Sophie as her plus one because she was scared Sophie would’ve proposed anyway, given the chance, and she didn’t want to ruin my wedding. I told her to come stay with me for a while instead, and she showed up several hours later, still a complete mess.

She said that her and Sophie had a huge fight, and she was reconsidering whether or not she wanted to stay in this relationship. According to Cassie, these huge fights are a common occurrence. I feel awful for ruining her proposal, and potentially ruining her relationship.

Cassie has been picking herself up in front of me, and continuing to be great with the last minute to-dos, but I’ve caught her crying while I’m not around. I love her, and I don’t want her to resent me for this. So I need to know AITA? And is there anything I can do to fix this?.

EDIT: I went to Cassie with all of your comments, and she broke down. We had a long moment in where Cassie finally told me how Sophie really treated her (she hadn’t previously, because she didn’t want people to hate her girlfriend). I won’t share details for Cassie’s privacy, but needless to say, I no longer respect Sophie. I held her hand as she called Sophie to finally end things.

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Cassie will be staying with me for a few weeks while we get her things from their shared apartment, and find her a new place to stay (I’ve even asked her to housesit during our honeymoon, more for her benefit than mine, but I won’t share that bit with her.) As many of you have said,

I know I’m incredibly lucky to have Cassie in my life, and I’m so glad to be helping her into a new chapter of her life. We will be going out for dinner and drinks tomorrow with my fiancé and a couple of mutual friends (on me of course, as a huge thank you for everything she’s done). Thank you all for your kind comments, we’ll be sure next time to find Cassie a partner as sweet as she is.

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What a wedding pickle! Our bride-to-be guarded her big day, nixing Sophie’s reception proposal plan—bold move, but fair. Sophie’s defiance tipped the bride to warn Cassie, her rock, only to unravel a messy fight and a breakup. The bride’s heart aches with guilt, but Cassie’s tears hint at deeper cracks. Loyalty clashed with love, and the bride picked her day—and her friend.

This ties to wedding etiquette and relationship red flags. A 2023 survey by The Knot found 92% of couples say proposals at others’ weddings are a no-go—your day, your spotlight (The Knot, 2023, source). Dr. Laura Louis, a couples therapist, notes, “Boundaries protect events and bonds; ignoring them signals disrespect” (Psychology Today, source). Sophie’s pushiness rang alarm bells. The bride did right to shield her wedding, likely saving Cassie from a shaky match. Help Cassie heal—listen, hug, plan a fun night.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s tossing confetti and hot takes—served with a side of sass! From “NTA” cheers for dodging a wedding crasher to nods for saving Cassie, the crowd weighs in. Savor the buzz below!

Thequiet01 - NTA. Sounds like you inadvertently did her a huge favor.

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associaterogue - NTA Proposing at someone else's wedding is never a good idea and you were right to tell her you didn't want her to. Sophie's reaction was way out of line and I don't blame you for going to Cassie to ensure it didn't happen anyway. The fights they've been having are on them, including this one.

If Sophie can't stay stable in the relationship that was never on you. Being the catalyst argument that split them up, I could see why you're feeling a bit guilty, but the last straw is never the only straw. It was gonna happen sooner or later. At least now Cassie can move on to a healthier partner and relationship and she has her best friend to help her through it.

Trouble_in_Mind - NTA, OP. If these big fights are a common occurrence, something is potentially very wrong with that relationship. You saying no to allowing a high-pressure public proposal is *not* going to be what ends it, it'll be Sophie's behavior and their incompatibility.

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I know your wedding is coming. Just try being there for Cassie when you can, and offer to listen when she needs. You guys are besties - you'll make it through this.. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.

tigerz0973 - Cassie sounds like a complete doll and someone who has always had your back! that is the kinda friend you want to keep in your life forever. I suggest you take Cassie out for lunch/drinks etc just the two of you and tell her you know she's hurting (breaking up is always painful even if its right) ask her if there is anything you can do to help her,

don't be n**ty about her ex just be the same great friend back. Let her know that whatever is going on in your life she is still important and you will always be there for her as she is being there for you!. Good luck with the wedding hope its everything you wish for and more.

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alyssinelysium - NTA. You inadvertently did Cassie a HUGE favor. I like the house sitting idea. Maybe you could leave her a little gift basket to relax with while you’re gone? Some wine, bath bombs, a movie or two and a gift card for Chinese food take out or something?

FileDoesntExist - NTA Imagine if you DIDN'T tell her and she proposed. She would have been MORTIFIED. It was a crap situation that worked out as well as it could. This is all on the GF.

_neontangles - NTA. I feel like if Sophie has accepted your no, and graciously left the conversation you wouldn't have mentioned anything to Cassie. But the spiteful *'I don't need your permission anyway'* was rude, selfish and entitled. It's your wedding, and it sounds like Cassie fully respects that it's your day, and that Sophie was in the wrong.

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Also, the way you're presenting the Sophie/Cassie interaction/conflict is leading me to believe Cassie is upset about more in that relationship as a whole, and not just because the proposal at your wedding was 'cock-blocked'. If you are concerned about it though, I'm sure you could pull her aside, and ask her how she feels about the situation and apologize in case it did hurt her.

zszal - NTA. Sounds like Sophie is ruining the relationship. Not you. A request to make a proposal at someone else’s wedding is a completely inappropriate and unreasonable request no matter what way you spin it. Anyone with even the tiniest understanding of proper wedding etiquette would understand. Cassie might be a mess right now, but you might’ve helped her dodge a bullet.

Emptyplates - NTA. You may have even helped your friend out of a drama filled and possibly abusive relationship.

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AdReasonable8031 - NTA I think Sophie may not be “just an introvert” but a manipulative person playing that part so it’s not so obvious. You may have saved your friend a lot more heartache. It was Sophie’s behavior, not yours, causing this.

These are Reddit’s spicy bites, but do they tie the knot? Maybe Sophie needed a manners manual— or a map to steer clear of someone else’s “I do”!

From wedding dreams to a proposal scheme, this tale twists through friendship, a vetoed ring, and a bestie’s fresh start. The bride protected her day, and maybe Cassie’s heart, but guilt lingers—too harsh, or just in time? Cassie’s a gem, soldiering on, while Sophie’s exit hints at trouble brewing. Reddit roots for the save. What would you do if a guest tried to steal your spotlight? Toss your take below—cheer the bride, lift Cassie, or fix this wedding wobble!

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