AITA for spending $5000 without the approval of my wife?

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Picture a cozy Canadian home, where the hum of a toddler’s laughter mixes with the strum of a freshly unboxed guitar. A 31-year-old dad, flush with a $5,000 work bonus, feels the thrill of a rare splurge—only to crash into his wife’s firm “no.” As a stay-at-home mom, she guards their shared finances, but he sees the cash as his reward.

The purchase ignites a firestorm, leaving readers wondering: is he justified in chasing a fleeting joy, or has he strummed a sour note in their marriage? This tale of trust and temptation hooks us with its raw, relatable tension, pulling us into a debate about money, partnership, and personal dreams.

‘AITA for spending $5000 without the approval of my wife?’

I'm 31M, she's 30F. We have a 2 year old son. My wife has never worked in her life, which is fine. She spent a lot of time studying in her youth and she has a great degree. She wanted to work after college but we had a child and she decided of her own accord to be a SAHM.

This is all fine to me, I make enough to support us all. Not life changing money but comfortable money, $80k/yr or thereabouts. Every year around Sept-Oct, I get a nice bonus. Always a lump sum, usually $4-8k. This year I received a $5,000 bonus. Our finances are shared, of course. I don't mind.

I live very frugally, the only thing I sometimes splurge on is music. I might spend $1,000/yr on guitar or keyboard gear and I always refer to my wife first. That is until I broached the idea of a new guitar. It's just about $5,000 after taxes and etc. This is literally my only hobby that costs money.

I might spend only $2,000/yr on personal leisure, so while this new guitar is a big purchase, it's really the only thing I can entertain myself with. She said this is too big of a purchase and gave me an emphatic 'no'. It's not even a thing of 'we can use it on xyz instead', it's 'you can't buy things that cost this much'.

But I did it anyways. It's my money, especially since it's a performance based bonus. And I don't regret it, this is probably the best thing I've ever bought for myself. I felt like a 10 year old on Christmas day, a feeling I seldom get.

I know you shouldn't spend money without spouse approval for something this big, but I disagreed with her reasoning that $5,000 is just too much to spend on something. It doesn't hurt us financially, so why not? AITA?

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edit for more info: without going too much into our financial situation, $5,000 is almost nothing. We have $15,000 in a college fund already (we live in Canada so tuition is already subsidized and cheap otherwise) and our savings is $40,000. Of my income, I'd say about 20% goes into savings or work into the house (renos, etc), <5% for my leisure, around 5% for her leisure. While I make $80k/yr + bonus, our bills amount to maybe $15k/yr.

This guitar purchase strikes a chord of discord, revealing cracks in marital trust. The husband views his bonus as personal reward, while his wife, a stay-at-home mom, sees it as family funds. Both perspectives hold weight—he earns the income, but her unpaid labor saves thousands in childcare costs, with Canadian daycare averaging $15,000-$20,000 annually.

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Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, states, “Financial disagreements are less about money and more about trust and communication”. The husband’s unilateral decision, after explicitly being told “no,” undermines their partnership. His “my money” mindset dismisses her contributions, risking resentment.

This reflects a broader issue: financial power dynamics in single-income households. Studies show 70% of couples argue over money, often due to misaligned priorities. For resolution, they could set a spending threshold for mutual approval—say, $500—to balance autonomy and unity. Therapy or open budgeting discussions could rebuild trust.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s choir of voices didn’t hold back, dishing out sharp critiques with a side of snark. Here’s a peek at their takes, proving the internet loves a good financial face-off.

sabre_skills − YTA. Because:. It's my money,. This is you using money as a position of power in your relationship. Not ta for buying it, definitely ta for not having an 'our' perception of money, especially if she's home with your 2 year old child.. Edited for bot count.

notrachel332 − YTA yes you earned that money but there is an agreement between you two with her being a SAHM that it’s not your money alone. That money is for the family. Second, if you were going to do it regardless why did you ask? It’s basically a slap in the face to your wife. Good luck digging yourself out of this one, hope that guitar was worth it.

TheseChemical − YTA. Does your wife get a performance based bonus? Or is she just dragging her feet with the kid and doesn't deserve one? I'm tempted to say everyone sucks because of how she shut you down, but I feel your move of just doing what you want despite how you knew she feels far outweighs that. Congratulations on the severe blow to the trust in your relationship!

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our100thcaller − YTA.. Exhibit A: My wife has never worked in her life... she decided of her own accord to be a SAHM. This is all fine to me , I make enough to support us all. Do you not think taking care of a two year old all day is work? Also, depending on where you are in Canada,

daycare could set you back almost $20k a year if your wife wasn't at home with your kid.. Exhibit B:. It's my money If you're married and have agreed to live on one income, then it doesn't matter which of you is bringing in the money, it's *family money*.. It sure doesn't seem like you have much respect for your wife.

Kolzerz − Woah woah woah a big problem I have with this is “it’s my money anyways.” You absolutely lost me there. Her work around the house is a contribution to the household income whether it is apparent to you or not. It is so rude of you to call that just your money when your wife provides childcare, housework, and cooking for you. YTA for that comment/mentality

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KRose627 − YTA. Also, something really doesn't add up here. You said you make $80,000 a year and your wife is a SAHM. Yet, you have $40,000 in savings and $15,000 in a college fund and then say $5,000 is nothing while your wife says it's too much. It sounds like you have your wife living frugally while you went and bought a $5,000 guitar.

MorallyLuckyPiker − YTA. You didn't just do it without her approving it, you did it explicitly after she told you no and gave you reasons. Healthy relationships don't work like that bud

CarterCage − As you said it yourself you know you shouldn’t have done that.... And yet you did... Because it’s your money as you said.... Let me just ask you this... How would you feel if she spent 5000$ without your approval?. YTA.

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DickPigAlberta − YTA. You know that's a b**lshit thing to do to your *partner*.

Order66-Cody − I was going to say E S H. However, the more I think about 5k on a guitar is ridiculous. Like what better benefits do you get from a 200 versus 5k guitar, if you are not a professional guitarist ?. More importantly, can your wife do the same? Can she spend 5k on something unnecessary?. YTA.

These Reddit roasts are spicy, but do they hit the mark, or are they just strumming for drama?

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This story plucks at the heartstrings of partnership and trust. The husband’s guitar may sing, but his solo act risks silencing his wife’s voice in their shared life. Money isn’t just cash—it’s respect, communication, and compromise. What would you do if your partner made a big buy behind your back? Share your stories—how do you keep the harmony in your relationship’s financial duet?

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