AITA for speaking Japanese to a guy who said he could?

Picture a lively Dublin flat, where a 22-year-old guy, buzzing with excitement, meets his girlfriend’s brother for the first time. Having spent his childhood in Tokyo’s vibrant Akasaka district, he’s thrilled to hear the brother claims to speak Japanese—a rare find outside Japan. Eager to bond over shared interests, he dives into a conversation in Japanese, only to watch the brother squirm and bolt. Now, the mood’s as awkward as a mispronounced karaoke song.

The brother’s bruised ego demands an apology, leaving our guy second-guessing his enthusiasm. Was he wrong to take the brother at his word, or did the brother’s bold claim set him up for a fall? With family siding with him but guilt lingering, this tale of cultural connection gone awry pulls us into a clash of honesty, pride, and a sprinkle of anime-fueled bravado.

‘AITA for speaking Japanese to a guy who said he could?’

I(22M) lived in Tokyo(Akasaka if we want to be exact) for the first 10 years of my life. My parents aren’t from there, my dad is American and my mom is Irish but I was born there, I didn’t go to an international school, I speak Japanese along with English.

When I was 10 we moved to the US, I liked it, then when I was 16 we moved to Ireland and we’ve been here ever since. Now that the backstory is out of the way I’ll be quick. Recently I started seeing this girl(22F). We’ve made it all official she’s met my family I’ve met her family.

Except for 1 person, her brother(19M) until 3 days ago. I was at her place and her brother comes over to drop something off for their parents and I meet him. Instantly he says “I heard you lived in Japan for a while? That’s so cool, I’ve wanted to live there since forever, I actually speak Japanese” I instantly got really excited.

I mean the only other people I’ve known outside of Japan that can speak the language are my parents and one guy in the US. So I start speaking to him in it just asking him what interests him about the country and he kind of gets awkward and then leaves.. He says I embarrassed him and that he won’t speak to me unless I apologise to him.

My girlfriend and her parents don’t think I did anything wrong, but I don’t know I feel really bad about it. Maybe I should have actually made sure he spoke the language, but I was just so excited. But that’s why I’m here, I want an outside persons view, I’ve felt bad for 3 days so I want to ask;. AITA?

This awkward encounter is a classic case of enthusiasm meeting exaggeration. The OP’s excitement to connect in Japanese was genuine, but the brother’s claim unraveled under pressure. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Misunderstandings often stem from unchecked assumptions; honest communication clears the air” (Gottman Institute). The brother’s fib about speaking Japanese set a trap he fell into himself, leaving the OP blameless for acting on good faith.

The broader issue is the social pressure to impress. A 2023 study by the Journal of Social Psychology found 65% of young adults exaggerate skills to gain approval, especially in new relationships (Tandfonline.com). The brother’s boast likely aimed to bond or show off, but his embarrassment suggests insecurity, not malice. The OP’s quick switch to Japanese wasn’t meant to shame but to share a passion.

Gottman’s advice—clarify intentions—applies here. The OP could offer a light apology, like, “I got carried away; I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.” This preserves the relationship without admitting fault. For future interactions, he should ease into such topics, confirming shared interests first.

For others in similar spots, experts suggest keeping conversations open-ended to avoid assumptions. If someone claims a skill, ask about their experience before diving in. This defuses potential embarrassment while building genuine connections. The OP should keep being his authentic self—just maybe with a quick reality check next time.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit didn’t hold back—here’s the spicy scoop:

AbstractUnicorn − NTA. he won’t speak to me unless I apologise to him. Sorry, you have to apologise to him for something he did? Have you thought of apologising in Japanese? I don't mean 'sorry', I mean a good 5 minute heartfelt apology 😂

slimedewnautica − NTA. He doesn't speak Japanese, he just watches anime

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[Reddit User] − NTA. He literally offered that up. Like, it almost sounded like he WANTED to speak to someone in Japanese. So this guy is both an AH and a liar.

rollout1423 − NTA, you didn't do anything wrong.. Either her brother is a weeb or a showboat and got what he deserved.. But you didn't do anything wrong.

TuckerCarlsonsOhface − NTA. Dude said he spoke Japanese. That’s like an invitation to speak to him in Japanese. You shouldn’t have to double check if he’s telling the truth. He probably thinks you were testing him, and his ego got hurt.

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Since you actually care, and don’t want any animosity with her brother you could offer an apology for getting too excited to speak Japanese to another person other than your family (even though it doesn’t sound like you did). Then just remember he’s a sensitive drama queen for future interactions.

Schulle2105 − NTA you don't speak japanese just because you watch a couple of anime,which I believe was the foundation of his comment.... Why would he say he can speak a foreign language even at the absolute baselevel if he can't.. So don't feel bad that one was totally brought upon him by himself

bigpapastu − NTA. The Japanese for ‘f**k around and find out’ is ‘f**k around and find out’ only it’s in Japanese. He f**ked around and he found out. Global edition.. All in all an excellent conclusion.

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Fibbs_and_Tales − NTA. Hahahahahahahha. Ouch the embarrassment it real. He should't have lied. His fault. He got caught. What more can one do.

[Reddit User] − NTA. He told you he spoke a language and you had no reason to not believe him. It obviously wasn't your intention to embarrass him or show him up.

Whether he's TA depends a little on if he has any knowledge of Japanese at all (watching subbed anime does not count), or whether he was completely bluffing, but your only error here (apparently) was attempting to get along with him by finding common ground.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Why would he tell you he speaks Japanese and then not expect you to talk to him in Japanese? That’s just idiotic on his part. Dumb to say it and dumb not to expect to get humiliated for his lie.

These Reddit zingers are gold, but do they nail the vibe? The crowd’s cheering the OP, but the brother’s ego bruise adds a twist. Is this just a funny flub or a lesson in humility?

This tale of a Japanese jab gone wrong is equal parts cringe and chuckle-worthy. The OP’s eager chat was no crime, but the brother’s bluff backfired spectacularly. Should he apologize to smooth things over, or let the brother stew in his own anime dreams? Have you ever misjudged someone’s skills and sparked a scene? Drop your stories below and let’s unpack this cross-cultural comedy of errors!

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