AITA for snapping at my sister?

Step into a tense family dinner, where a 14-year-old’s patience finally cracks under her 18-year-old sister’s relentless bullying. After years of cruel jabs about her short hair and feminine style, labeled as “whore” or “attention seeker,” the younger teen snaps, telling her sister to “shut up” during a meal.

The older sister’s tantrum, complete with a smashed bowl, doesn’t sway their parents, who demand an apology from the younger girl. With family ties strained and emotions raw, Reddit’s buzzing over whether this outburst was justified or a step too far.

‘AITA for snapping at my sister?’

I (14F) am the youngest out of three daughters. My two older sisters (16 & 18) are quite different. 16 is nice, introverted and we like the same things. 18 however, is very bossy and very extroverted. I honestly hate her guts, simply because she has made my life a living hell.

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I don’t like drama, so usually if someone is having a bad day I will go out of my way to avoid people and to not p**s them off more, but 18 likes to rile people up. She would do things like purposely drop something and blame it on someone else, then cry if they say “but I didn’t do it, you did it just then” she is a bit of a crybaby and snaps at my parents often, but they overlook it because she’s ‘older’.

It’s been really frustrating living with her, as she is very judgemental. If I did something she would judge me, and it led to a lot of unnecessary insecurities and pent up emotions. I think I’d be a lot less introverted now if it wasn’t for her. Very recently I have been going through a couple changes in my life.

I cut my hair really short (I used to have hair past my b**t, now it’s shorter than my pinky) and started to have a bit of a style change. I never wore dresses because she said I looked like a “slutty b**ch” and never wore shorts because I was an “attention seeker”. Now I’m a bit more open and like to wear things that are more feminine, even if I have masculine hair.

18 kept judging me every time I did something, and it started to really annoy me. “Why did you cut your hair so short again (I cut it a bit longer before, but kept trimming it down) it makes you look ugly” “why do you like wearing those pants that’s not how you wear them” “why do you keep dressing like that it makes you look gay (she’s very against LGBT+ stuff)”

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and it just kept getting worse and worse. She would yell things like “WHORE” every time she saw me, and take photos of me to send to group chats she’s in. Eventually during dinner a couple days ago, she said something about my hair again and I finally snapped and said “I’m not cutting my hair for you to appreciate,

I did it because I like it could you please shut the f**k up for once?” And she started screaming at me and broke a bowl. My parents keep telling me to apologise, but I don’t think I should, considering the fact that she’s been doing this for more than 10+ years. AITA for snapping at my sister?

Sibling rivalries can cut deep, but this 14-year-old’s clash with her 18-year-old sister reveals a toxic dynamic unchecked by their parents. The older sister’s decade-long bullying—name-calling, shaming, and snapping at the teen’s style changes—created a pressure cooker of insecurities. The younger girl’s outburst, while heated, was a natural response to years of verbal abuse. Her parents’ demand for an apology, ignoring the sister’s bowl-breaking tantrum, suggests enabling behavior that fuels the conflict.

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A 2024 study in Journal of Youth and Adolescence found 70% of teens bullied by siblings report increased anxiety and low self-esteem. Psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Parental enabling of a bully reinforces toxic behavior, harming family bonds.” The older sister’s actions, including homophobic slurs and public shaming, signal deeper issues, possibly needing therapy. The younger teen’s style shift shows resilience, but her parents’ inaction risks further harm.

Experts suggest addressing bullying with family discussions or counseling to set boundaries. The teen could calmly explain her feelings to her parents, citing specific incidents, or seek a trusted adult’s mediation. For others, documenting bullying and involving a counselor can shift parental perspectives. The parents should address the older sister’s behavior, not demand apologies from the victim.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit rallied behind this teen, unloading a storm of support and outrage. Here’s what they fired off:

BurnTheSlip - NTA Tell your parents you'll apologize, if she apologizes first for calling you a whore.

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itsfxckingraining_ - NTA. At all. She's always like this, right? Do your parents do anything about her? If she doesn't stop bothering you, you really should sit them down and tell them everything she does to bother you. It's very toxic

Filitass - NTA. Your parents want you to apologize because SHE called you a whore?. Great parenting.. Do not budge to 18s bs.

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Longjumping_Rooster4 - NTA at all. Your sister was provoking you and taking advantage of your good nature and your parents are enabling this behaviour. I'm surprised you kept your cool all these years. I wouldn't be surprised if your 16 year old sibling has also been bullied by her the same way. This is simple bully behaviour and entitlement.

mckinnos - NTA AT ALL. Your sister has major issues and your parents are enabling her. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, OP. I hope you can distance yourself from your terrible sister soon.

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guesswhodrwho - Tell your parents that you are 'rising above her childish behaviour' and starting fresh. And if they still want you to apologise then you will *allow* them to hold you accountable for your actions as soon as this rule is applied to everyone since right now it appears to be a voluntary/opt in rule.

Mrzlivec90 - NTA. I am sorry your sister is so horrible.

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cortie123 - NTA, 100% Your sister was very rude to and telling her to stfu was the bare minimum. Good job standing up for your self.

McCrotch - sounds like your parents want you to apologize for rocking the boat. NTA. your parents should be stopping her from instigating. Breaking bowls at 18 is insane.

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elpia - NTA. Sounds to me like she is emotionally abusing you, and your parents are enabling it. Please remember that one day you will be able to get out the situation and not have to tiptoe around her. Best of luck.

These takes spark a question: was the teen’s snap a righteous stand, or did it escalate needlessly?

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This dinner-table explosion lays bare a family’s failure to curb a bully. The 14-year-old’s sharp retort to her sister’s cruelty was a cry for relief after years of torment, yet her parents’ call for an apology sidesteps the real issue. Was she wrong to snap, or was it long overdue? How would you tackle a sibling’s toxic behavior when parents turn a blind eye? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo blazing!

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