AITA For Snacking at a Family Event, Defying Etiquette?

Picture a lively family gathering, the air buzzing with chatter and the promise of a hearty dinner. Amid the warmth of an aunt’s cozy home, one woman quietly pulls a granola bar from her purse, a small act rooted in her battle to reclaim her health. Recovering from an eating disorder, she’s learned to listen to her body’s hunger cues, no matter the setting. But this simple snack stirs unexpected tension, as her boyfriend sees it as a slight against his family’s hospitality.

Her choice to eat sparks a clash between personal recovery and social norms, leaving her to question if she was too rigid. The story unfolds with raw emotion, pulling readers into her struggle to balance self-care with others’ expectations. Was she wrong to prioritize her health, or was her boyfriend’s reaction a red flag? This tale invites us to explore the delicate dance of health and relationships.

‘AITA For Snacking at a Family Event, Defying Etiquette?’

For background, I'm recovering from an eating disorder. Part of my recovery means that if I'm hungry, I need to eat. I need to get used to responding to hunger by eating. If I don't eat when I'm hungry it can become a habit, and I could relapse. I know that's hard for a lot of people to understand, but it's the best way I can explain it.

I always carry snacks to accommodate this. My boyfriend asked me to go to a family event with him at his aunt's house. Dinner was at 6:30, but the gathering started at four and we were on time. Around 5:30 I started to feel hungry, so I ate a small granola bar from my purse to reinforce the eat when you're hungry rule.

Dinner was at 6:30 and excellent. When we left my boyfriend was upset. He said I offended his family by eating a snack before dinner was served and implied they were bad hosts. He said I should have waited. I reminded him that I have to eat when I'm hungry.

He said dinner was in an hour and should have been sufficient to enforce the rule, but it doesn't work that way. I have to eat as soon as I realize I'm hungry or it's a slippery slope that could lead to me going days without food. Boyfriend was angry and accused me of just wanting attention and being inconsiderate. Should I have waited? Was I being too rigid?

Update: We broke up. We had a long talk about what happened, and he couldn't acknowledge that I know what's best for my recovery. He said relationships are about compromise. I said that doesn't apply to my health. He said it applies to everything. I said we should give each other space. Thank you everyone. Without your comments, I wouldn't have had the confidence to stand up for myself.

Navigating a family dinner while managing an eating disorder is like walking a tightrope in a windstorm—challenging but crucial. The woman’s decision to eat a granola bar before dinner was a vital step in her recovery, reinforcing the habit of responding to hunger cues. Her boyfriend’s frustration, prioritizing appearances over her health, reveals a disconnect that can strain relationships.

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Eating disorders affect millions, with over 9% of the U.S. population facing one in their lifetime, per the National Eating Disorders Association (nationaleatingdisorders.org). Delaying meals, even briefly, can risk relapse, as the woman noted. Her boyfriend’s dismissal of her needs as “attention-seeking” overlooks the gravity of her recovery process.

Dr. Carolyn Becker, a psychologist specializing in eating disorders, emphasizes, “Consistency in responding to hunger is critical for recovery, as it rebuilds trust in one’s body” (psychologytoday.com). Here, the woman’s snack was a proactive choice, not rudeness. Her boyfriend’s focus on etiquette over health suggests a need for education about her condition.

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For solutions, couples therapy could bridge their gap, helping him understand her recovery needs (resources at nationaleatingdisorders.org). Open communication, perhaps explaining her needs to his family discreetly, could prevent future conflicts. Her resolve to prioritize health, even at the cost of the relationship, underscores a universal truth: self-care isn’t negotiable.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s got opinions hotter than a summer barbecue, and they didn’t disappoint here. Check out the community’s take:

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Dragonr0se − NTA. You are exactly correct and your boyfriend is more concerned with appearances than your well being.

Zagriel55 − NTA - seems to me it's the other way around and he's the one being too rigid. You have a valid explanation as to why you had a snack and anyone in the know would be understanding of that.

Sirano_onariS − NTA - your boyfriend seem like he doesn’t really understand the importance of your recovery and making sure that the rules are followed to prevent a relapse.

Fun-Two-1414 − NTA. Your health is more important than pleasing people or keeping up appearances. Recovering from an eating disorder is a difficult process. Do not let ignorant people stop you from doing what you need to do to get better.. Edit: changed to eating disorder, thought OP said she was recovering from anorexia.

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[Reddit User] − NTA health outweighs manners. Under normal circumstances I can see where it could be interpreted as rude, however, if you were diabetic eating to level out your blood sugar no one would have batted an eye- that's essentially what you did, you ate at that exact moment bc your treatment dictated you needed to eat right then for your health.. Edited bc I can't spell this morning

handbagproblems − NTA. Dump the boyfriend though. He's more worried about what his family thinks than your health. Also 16 to 18.30 without nibbles? They *were* s**tty hosts.

BobbyLicious1 − NTA! If his family were so “offended” by a granola bar then it was up to him to explain to them that it’s for health reasons! Instead he stayed quiet and berated you for doing exactly what your doctor/nurse advised you do! Plus it was a granola bar not a 3 course meal?! Your bf is supposed to support you. And it doesn’t sound like he is….

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lyramel − NTA, your boyfriend is though as a person who recovered r from ED, I understand you completely and this makes me MAD. it is really REALLY hard to restore your eating habits and socialize at the same time without relapsing or binge-eating, and your boyfriend is in complete wrong.

nobody even your boyfriend can dictate how, when and what you can or cannot eat. your body, your rules. also 'wanting attention and being inconsiderate'? has he met himself? shaming his girlfriend who recovers from ED for eating?. what is wrong with him?

mrs_spanner − NTA; people have to eat/snack/drink when they need to for all sorts of reasons, and good for you for managing your needs so well. Your bf’s the A, without a doubt, for putting “manners” and his relatives’ feelings before your health.

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Vixen_Us − Are you in contact with a therapist? If you are ask your bf and you to go to a session together so you two can get a neutral perspective on the matter. What you did was literally nothing and your bf is might have some issues with impressing his family (just a wild guess) NTA btw. Also I am proud of you for taking healthy steps to help with your ED hope all goes well :)

These Reddit gems range from fiery support to practical advice, but do they capture the full picture? The consensus cheers her self-advocacy, though some nudge her toward compromise. It’s a lively mix of empathy and real talk, served with a side of shade.

This story shines a light on the courage it takes to prioritize health over pleasing others. The woman’s granola bar wasn’t just a snack—it was a stand for her recovery. Her breakup shows the power of standing firm, but it also raises questions about compromise in relationships. Have you ever faced a clash between your health and social expectations? What would you do in her shoes? Share your thoughts!

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