AITA for smoking in my backyard?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet suburban neighborhood, the faint curl of cigarette smoke drifts over a wooden fence, igniting a fiery dispute. A 27-year-old woman, balancing her love for cigarettes with her husband’s aversion to smoke, finds herself at odds with a neighbor’s plea to keep their children’s playtime smoke-free. The tension simmers under the summer sun, where personal freedom clashes with communal courtesy. Her backyard, once a private retreat, now feels like a battleground. Can she enjoy her habit without stepping on toes, or is her neighbor’s concern a fair call for compromise?

This tale of backyard boundaries raises questions about personal rights and neighborly respect. As the woman stands firm, puffing away in her own space, readers might wonder: where’s the line between personal freedom and consideration for others?

‘AITA for smoking in my backyard?’

I [f27] live in a house with my husband. I'm a heavy smoker but I don't smoke in the house because my husband doesn't like the smell and I don't want him breathing secondhand smoke (he's a non-smoker).. I usually smoke cigs in our backyard.

One of our neighbors slid a passive-aggressive note through our letter box last week, saying something along the lines of:. 'MY CHILDREN JUST WANTED TO PLAY IN OUR BACKYARD. THANKS FOR EXPOSING THEM TO CANCER, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.'

I had no idea which neighbor this was, none of our neighbors had talked to us about this. I decided to ignore the note and continue to smoke in my backyard. Then 4 days ago, one of our neighbors knocked on our door and complained, and said I shouldn't smoke in my backyard because their kids play in their backyard.

I think my neighbor is being unreasonable. Our backyards are pretty large, and I smoke right in the center of my backyard so the smoke has more space to disperse. I think my neighbor is only complaining because *they can see me smoking over our fence*.. AITA?

Edit to add: I don't have a front yard or a garage. Technically if I smoked on my front porch I'd be breaking the law in our country because there's a children's park less than 20 metres away (it's across the road right in front of my house).. Edit to add: by 'cig' I meant cigarette not cigar. I don't smoke cigars.

This backyard saga lights up a classic clash: individual rights versus collective well-being. The woman’s choice to smoke in her yard is legal, but her neighbor’s frustration reflects a broader concern about secondhand smoke. Dr. Stanton Glantz, a tobacco control expert, notes, “Secondhand smoke contains over 7,000 chemicals, many toxic, and even outdoor exposure can pose risks, especially for children” (UCSF article). While the smoker argues the open air dilutes the harm, science suggests otherwise—smoke can linger and drift farther than expected.

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The neighbor’s passive-aggressive note and direct complaint highlight a deeper issue: communication breakdowns in tight-knit communities. The smoker’s insistence on her property rights is valid, yet her heavy smoking habit—likely multiple cigarettes daily—may disrupt her neighbors’ ability to enjoy their own space. This tension mirrors broader societal debates about personal habits impacting public health, like noise or pollution disputes.

For solutions, both sides could benefit from dialogue. The smoker might consider designated smoke-free hours when kids are playing, as suggested by community mediation resources (Community Mediation Services). Alternatively, exploring a different smoking spot, like a side yard if available, could reduce conflict. Ultimately, mutual respect—acknowledging her rights and their concerns—could douse this fiery dispute.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s hot takes on this smoky situation are as varied as a summer breeze. Here’s what the community had to say:

VeryJoyfulHeart59 − NTA. It's your yard. You're outside. Definitely NTA.. P.S. No judgement, but I hope you quit one day (for your own health). Edit: Sincere congratulations to all of you Redditors replying to my comment with your stories of quitting. Whether you've been tobacco-free for 30 years or for 30 minutes... Good for you!

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Ok-Culture-1983 − ESH. I can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke and would be highly annoyed if I had a neighbor who did this all the time. By your own admission, you're a heavy smoker. That means you're outside smoking throughout the day, not giving the other people in your neighborhood the opportunity to enjoy their properties smoke-free.

If it was once in a while, that would be one thing. But all day, every day? Sorry, you're the a**hole here. And by the way, the smell of cigarette smoke to nonsmokers is much stronger than you think it is. When I'm outside, I can tell if there's someone in my vicinity who's smoking. I can also tell who's a smoker by the way their clothes smell.

I guarantee you that if they are complaining, they CAN smell the smoke. That said, it is your property. Maybe you could work something out with the neighbors where you don't smoke at certain times, when the children are playing outside. They can't demand that you never smoke in your yard, but you shouldn't be exposing their children to unpleasant, cancerous chemicals.

unwholesome_coxcomb − ESH. Smelling other people's cigarette smoke is gross. I wouldn't want me or my kids breathing it in either. Yes, you're technically within your rights to smoke in your yard, but you're lying to yourself if you think it's not bothering or affecting other people in the vicinity.

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SeraEck − Unfortunately you have the right to smoke your cigarettes in your yard. It definitely can be smelled a long ways away. Your neighbors probably smelled it far longer than you have them lit. My former neighbor would smoke stinky weed constantly.

He moved away last fall and this was the first summer clear of it in 9 years. Its absolutely marvelous to be outside and not breathing in the pungent aroma any longer. There are fences & trees between our properties, never saw him, but everyone could distinctly smell it. (Its legal where I live).. Edit: because my brain is still asleep. ESH

wobblyzebra − ESH. I can promise you, they can absolutely smell the smoke in their yard, and it's probably affecting them and their health. Tobacco smoke is crazy. There's a reason people listing stuff for sale specify it came from a non-smoking home.

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Because there's nothing you can do about the smell, it soaks into everything, and can't be removed without some industrial grade s**t. That said, it is your property, and you have the right to smoke on it. If smoking is more important to you than the health and wellness of your neighbors

(and clearly you already decided it was more important to you than your own health and wellness...so I think we know the answer) then there's no way for them to stop you. I think most of the smokers in my neighborhood go for long walks when they want to smoke? I don't know how much it helps, but I've for sure never noticed the smell of it.

[Reddit User] − I will be hung out to dry for thus, but it is what is is. Soft YTA. I’m so tired of the notion that smokers have equal rights to pollute and poison the air as non smokers do to breathe clean air. I mean, legally yes you’re within your rights.

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But I am SO TIRED of having to subject my extremely asthmatic child to it. Thankfully the number of cigarette smokers has significantly decreased in the US. But even so, it’s everywhere. Even if I didn’t have an asthmatic child, I’d feel this way. It’s an addiction that effects innocent people when they have to breathe that crap in.

Even in your backyard, 8 times a day you’re blowing smoke everywhere and the neighbors and their children have to deal with it. I’m honestly sure you’re a kind person, but sometimes smokers seem to have tunnel vision regarding this issue.. Bring on the hate. I said what I said.

kgfPatsfan2 − I don't even know how to judge this one, so I'm just going to throw out some observations. Smokers are not always aware how far smoke travels. I yelled at my brother for smoking outside when his smoke came through my second floor window, partly because I was already emotionally exhausted from a couple of days of avoiding smoking people,

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and partly because it totally caught me by surprise. I definitely did not see him, and he was around the corner from me. I always smell the smoke from drivers in the car ahead of me, to the point that I now drive with AC and recirculated air regardless of weather.

BUT I have fought this battle for so long that I have no room left for compromise, so I know I am a complete a**hole about smoking. There is no real compromise with smoking, because smoke is a binary, it is there or it is not. The world has had 60 years of me suffering smoke,

and from now on the smoking world is going to experience not smoking whenever they are with me. I'm done. You should be able to smoke somewhere. My preference is the privacy of your own home, but you have chosen to live with a non smoker. Your neighbor's kids should not have to experience your smoke in their own yard.

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Maybe, once you recover from the rudeness of your neighbor, you can consider the topology of your yard and the reality that smoke travels, and try to mitigate that fact. It would be the kind response. Or you could quit. This would no doubt make your neighbor, their kids, AND your partner happier, and you healthier. You currently have a divisive habit. Best of luck.

subsailor1968 − YTA. Yes, legally you are well within your rights. But your neighbors do deserve to enjoy their yards without the stench of cigarette smoke. And yes, it reeks. It reaches much further than many smokers realize, too. As a smoker, you don’t notice it.

I didn’t when I smoked. But after I quit, I was shocked by how bad it smelled and how far it carried. Again, you are within your rights to smoke on your property. I’m not saying you are doing anything illegal. But you are negatively affecting the lives of your neighbors.

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Short-Classroom2559 − NTA same smoking setup in this household. He goes outside. They'll just have to pound sand. Your neighbor has no say in what you do in your own yard. Mine makes something on the grill that stinks so bad I can't go outside sometimes. I'd never tell them not to keep cooking it. I just stay inside while it's happening. They can keep the kids in while you smoke if it's such a concern.

ArkieRN − I think a lot of people are forgetting that the question is “are you the a$$hole”.. Yes, it’s your property. Yes, you have the right to use it however you want. But - YTA.

You’re partaking of a habit so n**ty that your own partner won’t put up with it and you are inflicting it on your neighbors and their children. Your smoking is affecting their ability to enjoy their own property.. Yeah. You have that right. But it doesn’t make you not be an a$$.

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These opinions range from staunch support for property rights to pleas for empathy. But do they capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames?

This backyard battle leaves us pondering: where does personal freedom end and neighborly responsibility begin? The smoker’s right to her property is clear, but so is the neighbor’s wish for clean air for their kids. Striking a balance isn’t easy, but it’s worth asking—could a quick chat over the fence have cooled this conflict? What would you do if you were caught in this smoky standoff? Share your thoughts below!

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