AITA for skipping the funeral but going to the notary for the will?

A daughter’s heart carries the weight of old wounds, torn between a father’s absence and his final gesture. When her estranged father passed, she faced a stark choice: mourn at his funeral or claim his inheritance. Opting for the notary over the service, she stirred family fury, grappling with guilt and defiance. This Reddit saga hooks readers with its raw emotion, sparking a debate about loyalty versus self-preservation.

The story unfolds like a bittersweet memory, pulling us into her pain and resolve. Can you blame her for choosing closure over a ceremony that feels hollow? It’s a tale that echoes for anyone who’s wrestled with family ties and personal boundaries, urging us to question where duty ends and healing begins.

‘AITA for skipping the funeral but going to the notary for the will?’

My father died recently. He raised me until I was 12. Then he left us because he got his coworker pregnant He promised me he would still be my dad even if it didn't work out with my mother. But that was a lie. I can literally count on one hand the times he visited me till I turned 18. I sometimes visited him for a few hours. His new wife was okay. She never treated me warm.

She treated me like I was a random kid from the neighborhood and often would refer to me as her daughters cousin. I stopped going because even when I was there it was awful for me. I was not poor. We were scraping by. Meanwhile I would always see pictures of father daughter dances and him proudly with my half siblings in his arm and so on.. It hurt me very much.

When I turned 19 I cut contact because I just could not see it any longer. I really really loved that man at a point In time. He left me and never gave me the love he gave to his other daughter.. He got diagnosed with cancer. He called me and asked me to come. He wanted forgiveness. When I went to visit him he said he was scared to go to hell..

He died. Half sister send me the invitation to the funeral and I refused. They begged me. But I went to the notary to see if he left me something in the will. He did. I guess he regretted something because it was not a little amount. Now my father's mother is telling me I am an ungrateful woman . All that stuff. Half sibling saying that I don't care about life and her pain.. Idk. AITA ?

Navigating family estrangement is like walking a tightrope over a pit of raw emotions. The daughter’s decision to skip her father’s funeral while accepting his inheritance highlights a clash of personal boundaries and familial expectations. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Unresolved conflict in families often stems from mismatched expectations and unhealed wounds” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the father’s neglect left scars, making her hospital forgiveness a gesture of closure, not obligation.

The opposing perspectives are stark: the daughter feels justified in distancing herself from a family that treated her as an outsider, while her half-sister and grandmother see her absence as cold. Their reactions likely stem from grief and a desire for unity, yet they overlook her years of feeling sidelined. This mirrors a broader issue—about 27% of Americans report being estranged from a family member, per a 2021 study by the American Sociological Association .

Dr. Gottman’s insight suggests that healing requires acknowledging pain on both sides. For the daughter, therapy could help process her grief and anger, allowing her to move forward without guilt. Setting boundaries with her father’s family, perhaps through a calm conversation, might clarify her stance.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s finest didn’t hold back, dishing out candid and sometimes snarky takes on this family drama. Here’s what the community had to say:

GoAskZombieland − NTA. If the only reason he wanted your forgiveness was so he didn't go to hell then it's not like he actually cared. I think you have a right to be upset with him and no one should expect you to care after he left. I would suggest some therapy for yourself. Not so you can forgive him or anything but so you can let this go and feel better for yourself.

ADVERTISEMENT

Abblz − You’re not an arsehole, you’re in pain. Is there someone you can talk to about this?

Berlinerpfannkuchen − NTA - You went to see him before he died even after you cut contact I think thats worth more than attending the funeral because thats something held for living to grieve. But he died long before that to you.

ADVERTISEMENT

Divocade − NTA sober up and get some therapy cause tbh everyone needs it but this is sort of a shut and close case I’ve seen it many times before.(you’re still valid) but I wish you the best in life op

neobeguine − NTA. Your stepsister and stepmother made no effort to treat you as family before he died, they are not entitled to your emotional support. Neither is your father entitled to your presence at his funeral as he didnt bother to be a father to you.

ADVERTISEMENT

Take his guilt money with no regrets and build your own life and your own family. As someone whose recently deceased father couldnt be bothered to meet my now 3 year old son, his (to my knowledge) only grandchild, you have my sympathies.

Beefcliffe − NTA, and all that jizz

ADVERTISEMENT

refusestopoop − NTA He was only there for you when he needed something from you. It makes sense you wouldn’t want to go to his funeral & also makes sense you’d want any money he left you. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

CheerilyTerrified − NTA. What are you ungrateful over? Did he do something for you do be grateful for? Doesn't seem like it. Try not to let it affect your relationship with your sibling but they will have to accept that even if he was a great father to them he was a crappy father to you.. Take the money, use it to live your best life.

cridhebriste − NTA. I hope his bequest helps some. My father left me nothing. You dont owe those people anything they wanted you to make him look good at the funeral. Over time you will cope better and hurt less.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − Funerals are for the living, and you owe nothing to his family who treated you like garbage. NTA.. But please, try to seek therapy so you don't have to go through this without help.. Half sibking saying that I don't cate about life and her pain.. Why should you? Lmao did they care about yours?. Take care OP

These hot takes spark a question: do Reddit’s fiery opinions mirror real-world complexities, or are they just digital popcorn for the drama-hungry?

This story leaves us pondering the weight of forgiveness versus the pull of personal boundaries. The daughter’s choice to skip the funeral but claim her inheritance reflects a deeper quest for closure after years of neglect. It’s a messy, human struggle that invites us to reflect on our own family ties. What would you do if faced with a similar choice—honor a painful past or protect your peace? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *