AITA For Skipping My Brother’s Wedding to My Ex, Feeling Betrayed?

Jonathan Hours
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In a quiet suburban neighborhood, where family barbecues once echoed with laughter, Cole, a 28-year-old with a knack for keeping the peace, now faces a storm of betrayal. His younger brother, Ben, is set to marry Claire—Cole’s ex-girlfriend of two years—after a whirlwind romance that began with a lie. The wedding invite, tucked among mundane mail, hit Cole like a sucker punch, rekindling hurt from Ben’s secret affair with Claire during Cole’s “break” from her. Caught between family pressure and his own raw emotions, Cole wonders: can he stomach the wedding?

This tale of sibling loyalty tested by love and deception pulls us into a messy, all-too-human drama. As Cole grapples with his family’s push to “move on” and his own sense of betrayal, we’re left asking: how do you heal when trust frays at the seams? Let’s dive into his Reddit confession and unpack the chaos.

‘My (28M) brother (26M) is getting married. I wish I could be happy for him, but his wife (27F) makes me uncomfortable and I’m not sure I want to go to the wedding. How do I approach this?’

My name is Cole. I'll give the other people in this story stand-in names. Let me preface this with the backstory: Around this time last year my girlfriend of two years and I decided to take a break. In retrospect, it was an immature idea and we never set hard boundaries. I think she saw it more as us breaking things off, but I had always hoped that we would get back together after a while, but I didn't say it out loud.

We went about two months without talking, and in late December my brother 'Ben' told me that he had slept with my now ex, 'Claire', at our family cabin. I was at first just shocked, but then hurt and kind of disgusted. I was less upset at the fact that Claire had moved on, which I was still annoyed at, but more upset that she slept with my brother.

I confronted her over text, and she acted like it was no big deal. She brushed it off and called me an a**hole, saying that it was none of my business and that we were on a break. I talked to Ben about it, and he apologized and said it was a mistake that he wouldn't make again. I eventually forgave him because I wanted to move on, and he said he cut off Claire and made it clear he wouldn't be pursuing a relationship with her.

Flash forward to June of this year, and I found out through a mutual friend that Claire and Ben had not been no contact, but actually went steady a bit after new year's. I feel like I was right to be pissed off, and I confronted Ben about it. He said that he didn't know how to tell me, but that he loved Claire and I was going to have to accept that she had moved on from me.

I barely talked to Ben after that, which was hard because we had always been close growing up. Now just last week invites were sent out to Ben and Claire's wedding, which I am invited to. I was shocked and it opened up a wound that definitely hadn't healed, but most of my family and mutual friends said it was obvious they loved each other and that I need to show up to support my brother on his big day, and that I can get over my ex being his wife.

I feel like I'm going crazy. Most of my friends agree with me, and my uncle has been vocal about siding with me. The girl I'm seeing right now also thinks that everyone is acting insane and that this is not normal. I don't think it's normal. But it's happening this spring and I have to decide what to do.

I'm torn. I still love my brother, but I don't know how I can stomach going to his wedding after he lied to me for months and is getting married to my girlfriend who I broke up with just last year. I'm still processing everything, and I have no idea how to even start the conversation with my family.

Navigating a sibling’s marriage to your ex is like walking a tightrope over a family reunion. Cole’s pain stems from Ben’s dishonesty—sleeping with Claire during a vague “break” and then concealing their relationship. While Claire’s dismissal of Cole’s feelings stings, Ben’s betrayal cuts deeper, fracturing a once-close bond. Cole’s hesitation to attend the wedding reflects a natural struggle: how do you celebrate love built on your own hurt?

This drama taps into a broader issue of family loyalty. A 2019 study found that sibling betrayal can disrupt family cohesion, often requiring open communication to heal. Ben’s secrecy and the family’s pressure on Cole to “get over it” sidestep this need, leaving wounds festering.

Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman notes, “Trust is rebuilt through consistent honesty and empathy.” Ben’s apology fell flat when paired with lies, and his rush to marry Claire—within a year—suggests a need to “legitimize” their bond, as some Redditors quipped. Chapman’s insight implies Ben must acknowledge Cole’s pain for any reconciliation.

Cole should prioritize his emotional health. Skipping the wedding, as his uncle and current girlfriend suggest, is valid if it protects his peace. If he attends, setting boundaries—like limiting interaction with Ben and Claire—could help. Therapy or books on rebuilding trust might guide Cole toward closure.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s got no chill, and their takes on Cole’s saga are a wild ride! From fiery clapbacks to empathetic nods, here’s the community’s unfiltered pulse:

Naenayy − Nah, I wouldn't go. That's wild.. like it all could've been cleared up with honest conversations, but it was all kept a secret. Also, why a marriage so fast?? At least give some time for waters to settle and people to properly move on before making that big of a step with your older brother's ex-girlfriend?!.. weird. Even weirder the rest of the family is going along with invalidating your feelings.

Chuck-AP − I would never betray my brother by sleeping with one of his ex’s. You don’t owe either of them s**t

NoContest9016 − Your ex told you this is none of your business.. So yes, her wedding is none of your business too, tell that to your brother.

Traeyze − Unfortunately families will often go the path of least resistance and they all figure it is easier to get you to roll over than for them to point out the obvious that your brother and your ex are just s**tty people that were fully aware of the implication of what they were doing.

So frame it that way to them. 'You two pursued this aware it would end my relationship with both of you.' You can accept that she has moved on. You can accept that the two of them have a relationship that is healthy, or at least that they believe it is (married within a year in my eyes is just them trying to legitimise the dynamic as quickly as possible and deeply ill considered].

But in no way does that cancel out that they made choices that would inevitably hurt you, that they chose to handle this in the worst way possible. Thus losing you is the implication and ramification of those choices.

emptynest_nana − OP, I am in a super similar situation. My husband was married before. His now ex-wife is currently married to my husband's older brother. The choice to accept the absolute treasonous acts of your brother, or not, is entirely on you. I could never sleep with a man who had been with my sister, eewww!!!

That's just not okay. Just something about a peen that was in my sister is not going to be in me. Why would your brother want to be where you already were??? This is your choice, don't let anyone pressure you. If you don't want to go, DON'T!!! They want you there to suppress the rumor mill.

Minute_Box3852 − Well that marriage is doomed to blow up in flames within months. Your brother is rushing it to one up you and prove he's the better man. And she's rebounding for the same reasons. The next couple, no probably on one, holiday are going to be awkward.. Everyone better go cheap on the wedding gifts because they're wasting their money!

Similar_Cranberry_23 − Don’t go.

Healthy_Journey650 − Tell your brother you’ll come to his next wedding.

DuePromotion287 − Your family is not well.. Of course you do not go.. Of course you at the very least go LC with your brother.. This is not good.

GloveFluid8306 − I am sorry op. You can't make choices for them but they both choose to s**ew you over. They don't respect you. At all. Make a new family without them. Don't go. And block them. Let them have themselves. And move past them.

These hot takes sizzle, but do they miss the nuance of family ties? Maybe Cole’s story holds more layers than Reddit’s roasting pan suggests.

Cole’s dilemma lays bare the messy truth: love can’t erase betrayal without effort. His courage to question attending Ben’s wedding sparks a mirror for us all—when does family loyalty bend, and when does it break? Whether you’d skip the cake or grit your teeth through the vows, Cole’s story begs the question: What would you do if your sibling crossed a line this big? Drop your thoughts below—have you ever faced a family betrayal, and how did you mend or move on?

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