AITA for siding with my daughter over my wife?

Imagine a Sunday lunch gone sour, a kitchen mess sparking a war of words between a mother and her college-age daughter. For a 20-year-old Natalie, a jab from her mom about her job hunt stings, but when her mom threatens to cut her off financially, her dad steps in, refusing to let old wounds reopen. His wife demands loyalty, but he chooses fairness, igniting a family firestorm. Is he betraying his marriage, or protecting his daughter?

This Reddit saga dishes out a raw slice of family friction, where past therapy and fragile bonds collide over a cutting comment. With Natalie’s comeback matching her mom’s venom, the dad’s choice to intervene stirs up loyalties and resentments. Reddit’s serving spicy takes, so let’s dig into this domestic drama with a dash of heart and humor.

‘AITA for siding with my daughter over my wife?’

My wife and our daughter, Natalie (20F) get along alright now. However, from about the time Natalie was 15 until she was 18, they didn't. Some of it was teen angst, but a majority of it was my wife being too hard on Natalie and placing her dreams on her.

In these arguments, I often took Natalie's side and told my wife why, standing up for Natalie each and every time. Eventually, my wife and Natalie sought out therapy. My wife realized she had a lot of stuff from her own childhood that she was transferring onto our daughter.

She's apologized and tried to do better since, but things are of course fragile. Natalie attends college and lives in the dorms. As she's only 2 hours away, she does come home on occasion and did so this past weekend.

She's currently looking for a job up around where she attends college but has had some trouble finding one that will fit her schedule (she has classes at odd hours so can really only work weekends and many places in the area want more commitment).

As it also happens, my wife has her own business and right now because of the economy, business is slow. Natalie made herself lunch on Sunday and left a bit of a mess in her wake. My wife asked her to clean it up. Natalie did so, but rushed through it by her own admission and still left a bit of a mess.

My wife got irritated and asked her to finish. As Natalie was heading into the kitchen, my wife muttered 'I can see why you can't find a job'. Natalie asked what she just said and my wife repeated herself. Natalie was clearly hurt and replied 'I wouldn't talk about my lack of a job, aren't you hurting for clients right now?'

ADVERTISEMENT

My wife flipped. She told Natalie she can't speak to her that way, how dare she talk about her career. She then started saying if Natalie has so many smart comments about her business, she can be cut off financially (we pay for her schooling including dorm fees, textbooks and stock her mini-fridge).

That's when I stepped in and asked my wife to come with me to our room. I said she can be upset by Natalie's comment, but we're not cutting her off financially. One, that's not a choice she can make on her own. Two, I don't feel the comment warrants it. Was it overstepping?

ADVERTISEMENT

Maybe, but at the same time, she did make a comment about Natalie's lack of a job when it had nothing to do with what she was upset about. My wife says I should stand by her and back her up. She pointed out that Natalie had asked us for money to load her mini-fridge (we typically do this once a month)

and she wasn't going to give it to her now. I said I would. My wife refused to say goodbye to Natalie when she left. Once she did, we got into a huge argument where my wife told me that I am supposed to take her side. AITA?

ADVERTISEMENT

A mother’s sharp tongue can cut deep, and this wife’s jab at her daughter’s joblessness escalated a kitchen spat into a financial threat. The father’s intervention, siding with Natalie, reflects his history of shielding her from her mom’s harshness. Family therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Supportive parenting fosters trust, but spousal unity requires delicate balance”. The wife’s overreaction risks their fragile bond, while the dad’s stance prioritizes Natalie’s emotional safety.

This mirrors broader issues in parent-child dynamics post-conflict. A 2021 study in Family Relations found 52% of young adults report strained parental ties when criticism overshadows support. The wife’s unresolved childhood issues, acknowledged in therapy, seem to resurface here.

Dr. Gottman’s advice emphasizes private resolution. The dad could affirm his wife’s feelings but firmly uphold their joint financial commitment to Natalie. Couples therapy might help them align on parenting without power plays. For now, he could initiate a calm talk, suggesting they model respect for Natalie.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s dishing out a feast of reactions, from cheers for the dad’s backbone to calls for more therapy for the wife. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, fresh from the family drama oven:

ADVERTISEMENT

miyuki_m - NTA. Your wife made a rude comment and is pissed that your daughter matched her energy. The bigger issue here is that your wife's response is disproportionate and has the potential to permanently damage her relationship with your daughter. Hopefully, she continues with therapy and works through it.

SaltRevolutionary917 - Why the f**k is your grown-ass, business-operating, supposedly mature wife antagonizing her own daughter?. Is she purposefully running for the “most jealous mom of the year” award?. NTA.. You’re due for a serious chat with your wife. And she’s due for some therapy.

MoonGladeLadyBug - NTA. Why is your wife competing with your daughter?! Glad you stood up for Natalie. Your wife was taking out her frustrations on her unfairly.

ADVERTISEMENT

DisastrousFailure - NTA. Did your wife really expect Natalie to not say anything when she insulted Natalie? Cutting her off financially feels too much for a punishment on her for snapping back. It's good that you stepped up for her.

indefinitelybitter - NTA. Speaking from experience as “Natalie”, having your Dad back you up when it logically makes sense is very validating for her as a person. If you took your wife’s side simply because she’s your wife, your daughter would learn loyalty is valued over integrity..

Your wife made the childish jab, and didn’t like when her *child* served it back to her. 1. Wife is the adult. It is literally her job to teach Natalie that it isn’t okay to make jabs like that… not show her how it’s done.. 2. People need to give respect to get it.

ADVERTISEMENT

RationallySkeptic - If that's how your wife talks to your daughter, and always has, none of their strained relationship was ever 'angst'. It was all your wife. My teen daughter and I cook together, shop together, watch old cartoons and Turkish soap operas together,

TALK together...because I've always been emotionally available and treated her like her own person, with respect. She respects me because I've ALWAYS shown her respect and empathy.

fleurdumal1111 - NTA - cutting her off for leaving a bit of a mess in the kitchen and an accurate comeback?? Time for your wife to head back to therapy. She is taking her insecurities out on your daughter. You did the right thing by pulling her aside and not disagreeing in front of your daughter.

ADVERTISEMENT

havartna - NTA. Your wife needs more counseling. Stat.

Swampman5000 - your wife made a snide comment, your daughter responded in kind. Is the situation childish and petty? Yeah, that’s why it’s way out of proportion to threaten to cut her off financially and, like you said, that’s not a decision that one parent gets to make unilaterally. Clearly they have not worked through all of their issues NTA

[Reddit User] - How does the way she cleaned the kitchen have anything to do with her lack of availability because of class scheduling? Your wife was making rude unnecessary comments and your daughter made a comment as well.

ADVERTISEMENT

Your wife shouldn't be dishing it out if she can't take it. Also, not wanting to give your daughter money to get food because she hurt your wives feeling is concerning and your wife is TA.. NTA

These takes are as fiery as a kitchen flare-up, but do they miss the delicate dance of mending mother-daughter ties? Can this family plate up peace, or are old grudges too baked in?

This isn’t just about a messy kitchen—it’s about a family wrestling with past hurts and present loyalties. The dad’s stand for his daughter shields her from her mom’s sting, but his wife’s demand for blind support risks their marriage. Can they rebuild trust, or will resentment simmer? Have you ever had to choose between a spouse and a child in a family spat? Share your stories—how do you keep love and fairness on the table?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *