AITA for shitting down whenever my brother’s university plans come up?
A 26-year-old woman finds herself overwhelmed with bitter emotions as her younger brother prepares to start university in the US—the exact dream her parents crushed for her years ago. Raised abroad as a third-culture kid, she had secured admissions to American and UK schools, only for her father to unilaterally force her back to their home country for engineering, a field she never wanted.
What makes the story more complicated is the stark contrast in parental support: her pleas were ignored under the guise of “connecting with roots,” leading to years of misery, while her brother’s wishes are fully embraced without question. Now thriving with a master’s degree and a fulfilling life she built independently, she still grapples with jealousy and anger—not toward her brother, but toward the unfairness that robbed her of choices.
‘AITA for shitting down whenever my brother’s university plans come up?’
The poster’s early dreams of studying abroad aligned perfectly with her international upbringing and school environment.
The forced path caused profound suffering, leaving lasting emotional scars despite her parents’ expectations of gratitude.
Her brother’s upcoming opportunity triggers intense resentment, leading her to withdraw from related family talks.
Parental favoritism, especially when tied to gender or birth order, can inflict deep, long-lasting wounds that resurface during family milestones. Here, the poster experienced authoritarian control that derailed her aspirations, framing it as cultural duty while denying her autonomy—a common dynamic in some immigrant or traditional families prioritizing collective identity over individual choice.
Counterarguments often echo the parents’ view: since she eventually succeeded independently, the past harm is negated, and lingering upset reflects ingratitude. Yet this dismisses trauma’s enduring impact; recovery despite adversity doesn’t erase the original injustice or the easier path withheld. Forcing gratitude for “prestigious” outcomes ignores the emotional cost and lost opportunities.
On a wider scale, this reflects systemic issues like gendered expectations in education, where daughters may face stricter controls or practical majors, while sons receive more freedom. Third-culture kids also struggle with identity and belonging, amplifying the sense of exile. Healing requires acknowledging the unfairness rather than minimizing it, potentially through boundaries or therapy, to prevent resentment from overshadowing current happiness.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Many users validated the poster’s pain, pointing to likely gender bias and encouraging open communication with her brother.
A few commenters offered nuanced advice, stressing personal boundaries and the difference between surviving and thriving.
Others injected humor or gentle reassurance to lighten the heavy topic.
The poster holds valid resentment toward her parents’ unequal treatment, which caused real harm that no subsequent success fully erases. By distancing herself from triggering conversations, she’s protecting her well-being without harming her brother, showing maturity amid unresolved pain.
Have you experienced parental favoritism or forced career paths growing up? How do you handle resurfacing jealousy when siblings get opportunities you were denied? Share your stories and coping strategies in the comments!
