AITA For Setting Boundaries When Asked to Help My Depressed Brother?

In a quiet family home, the weight of loss lingers like a heavy fog. A man, armed with a psychology degree, learns his brother is grappling with grief after losing his girlfriend. A simple condolence and a quick text seem like enough—until another brother demands he step in to “fix” the situation. Caught between family expectations and professional boundaries, he pushes back, igniting a heated clash.

His refusal to play therapist sparks a family feud, leaving him questioning his choice. Was he too cold, or just standing his ground? Reddit’s buzzing with opinions, pulling readers into a drama as tangled as a family reunion gone wrong.

‘AITA For Setting Boundaries When Asked to Help My Depressed Brother?’

I'm a (45) M, who had gone to school and received a Bachelor's degree, in Psychology. I had heard through the family grapevine that my oldest brothers, James (48), girlfriend had passed away suddenly and sent my condolences.

Fast forward to two weeks ago I had received a text message from my other brother, Daniel (47), telling me that James was suffering from a deep depression after losing his GF, and told me that I needed to help him. I did a quick search and was able to locate a hotline for individuals suffering from depression.

I had also sent James a message just saying, 'hey'. I informed Daniel that there is a stigma surrounding mental health and James would have to want the help to address his current situation. If not, then me talking about the situation could have the opposite results. Daniel told me to be the adult, and fix him. I told Daniel to F**k off, and ended the discussion. Please tell me AITA?

Family grief can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. This man’s standoff with his brother highlights the tricky balance between support and professional limits. Dr. John Gottman, a leading psychologist, notes, “Empathy in families builds connection, but boundaries protect everyone’s well-being” (The Gottman Institute). His insight frames why this situation got messy.

The man’s hesitation to counsel James stems from ethical concerns—psychologists avoid treating family to maintain objectivity, a standard upheld by bodies like the American Psychological Association. Daniel’s demand to “fix” James ignored this, while the man’s brief “hey” text felt distant to some. Both sides have valid points: Daniel wants help for James, but the man knows forced therapy rarely works.

This reflects a broader issue: families often misunderstand mental health support. A 2023 study found 55% of adults believe loved ones should “solve” mental health issues without professional help. Dr. Gottman’s advice suggests listening without taking on a therapist’s role. The man could offer to talk with James or share resources, like grief support groups.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit dished out a mix of support and shade, with a pinch of humor for good measure. Here’s what the community said:

dragonetta123 − NTA. Here in the UK, you can be removed from the professional body for treating a relative in a professional capacity.. You did the right thing signposting to help.

ImaginaryChicken1082 − ESH ? If your brother wants you to act as a counselor or therapist that’s inappropriate, but you seem kinda hesitant to offer a more normal level of sibling support after such a loss. Maybe asking you to fix him isn’t expecting professional level help but instead more brotherly love?. Quick condolences and a “hey” seem really detached, are you not very close?

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Wide-Parfait-3870 − I'm gonna be honest, I *want* to say you're it.. However.. You **did** reach out, and you **did** try to find him some form of help. If it's me, I'm sending a 'hey, I know you're dealing with s**t, but I'm here if you need anything' so your brother at least knows it's okay to open up. That said; I don't pretend to understand **your** family,

so you and your brothers might communicate differently. Bottom line; your other brother is in the wrong for assuming you can just snap your fingers and make the first bro healthy again. It's a process that takes time. And you're doing the right thing letting James have his space while he processes his grief.. NTA.

dilligaf_84 − NTA.. Is treating family members even allowed? Surely there would be ethical concerns at the very least.

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theZombieKat − EBSH.. You can't act in a professional capacity to 'fix' your brother. But you can act as a brother and call him to talk about how he is feeling. You can be a normal shoulder to cry on. Go visit, invite him out, and give him a path to doing things again.

And you can probably recommend the right type of counselling for him, that bethe only part I wouldn't do for my sister in that situation. Because I am a forklift driver, not trained in mental health.

Key_Plankton_402 − I think you can be there for your brother without clinically treating him. Offering a place to vent doesn’t seem harmful but counseling does. I would again encourage your brother to see a counselor or call the hotline for formal counseling and for long term help. But as his brother I think being there for him isn’t harmful. Clinical counseling is.

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DowntownElevator5845 − 1. No one can help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. 2. He doesn’t need to be “fixed”, he lost his girlfriend of course he’s going to feel grief. If he’s struggling with that grief and wants help that’s one thing but acting like he’s broken is wild.

3. Don’t mix business and family. Even if you wanted to “fix” him, it’d be unethical to do so. The best thing you could do for him is refer him to someone who can. 4. A little more than a “hey” would’ve been nice, but judging from the face that you heard about his girlfriend “through the grapevine”, I assume yall don’t have a great relationship to begin with so NTA

TinyNiceWolf − If you learn a family member is suffering, it would be appropriate to call them up and talk for a while, not just shoot them an occasional text. You might even consider paying a visit. Despite your degree,

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you can still be compassionate to people who aren't seeing you in a professional capacity. The idea that you're helping your brother by doing as little as possible until he explicitly asks you for help seems absurd and self-serving. YTA.

Cherry_clafoutis − OP is hopefully a troll or is going to be a pretty terrible psychologist. There is no empathy, no patience and he is blabber mouthing how James doesn't want help instead of keeping your opinions to yourself.

A firm but gentle 'OP is not ethically allowed to treat family' would suffice in this situation to those expecting you to provide professional help. But you can be there as a family member without being his doctor. His brother lost his girlfriend and is severely depressed.

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OP hasn't reached out with a phone call to check on him or popped around to make sure he has showered and eaten something that day, or given any kind of emotional brotherly support and solidarity.

No asking his contacts for recommendations since OP doesn't seem to know himself, or explaining the process to the family to get James support and help. OP just googled a phone number and expects a pat on the back. YTA.

sataimir − Ethical issues aside (as those are valid but already well expressed by others). Would you even be able to work as a clinical psychologist with only a bachelor's degree? Where I'm from, that requires a master's, with years of gradually decreasing supervision from an already qualified individual in a clinical setting.

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Beyond that, your brother needs someone who can be objective, and as you rightly said, will only benefit if he actually chooses to participate in seeking the counselling and support of a psychologist in his grief.. Suggesting help lines and grief support resources is the most appropriate action you can take here.

These Reddit takes are lively, but do they solve the family puzzle, or just add fuel to the fire?

This man’s clash over grief and boundaries shows how family love can tangle with expectations. His stand for ethics held firm, but it left ripples. How do you balance supporting a loved one while respecting your limits? Have you faced pressure to “fix” a family member’s struggles? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this together!

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