AITA for setting a boundary about not wanting to talk about food, which led to my cousin cutting me off?

Imagine a quiet evening, a phone buzzing with a new message—a photo of a toddler gleefully munching kale. For most, it’s a harmless share, but for one Redditor, it’s a gut punch. As a mom to Asher, a young boy navigating autism and complex food challenges, every casual comment about “healthy” meals or “bad” snacks lands like salt on an open wound. Her stress is palpable, her tears frequent, yet her cousin’s food-focused chatter keeps coming, oblivious to the toll.

Desperate for peace, she musters the courage to draw a line: no more food talk. It’s a simple request, born of exhaustion, not malice. But instead of understanding, her cousin shuts the door on their bond, leaving her to wonder if speaking up was worth the cost. This story pulls us into a tangle of family, empathy, and the weight of unspoken struggles.

‘AITA for setting a boundary about not wanting to talk about food, which led to my cousin cutting me off?’

I (30s, F) have a young son, Asher, who has significant challenges with food due to autism. His eating habits aren’t just “picky”—they’re tied to how he processes the world. It’s something we’ve been working through with professionals, and it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I cry over it multiple times a week.

My cousin Kelsey and I were close, but over time, our conversations around food became really triggering. She would often send photos of her child eating healthy meals, make comments about how certain foods are “gross” or “bad” (foods Asher eats, like Goldfish), and send me suggestions or tips that—while maybe well-intentioned—came across as passive advice that I didn’t ask for.

One time Asher was eating Goldfish and she casually mentioned she read they’re a leading cause of cavities. Stuff like that adds up when you’re already emotionally o**rwhelmed. After talking to my therapist, I decided to set a boundary. I messaged her to say that food is a hard subject for me, and I’d prefer not to talk about it anymore.

I made it clear it wasn’t about her—it was about my own anxiety and what I’m going through with Asher. I even said I was embarrassed to admit how hard it’s been, and I just wanted to avoid the topic to protect my mental health. She didn’t take it well.

She said maybe they just “shouldn’t come around anymore,” and when I tried to clarify that I wasn’t blaming her and that I valued our relationship, she doubled down and said she was distancing herself. I stayed calm, explained again that I wasn’t accusing her of anything, and that this boundary was about me—not her.

But she cut things off completely. I honestly didn’t expect this reaction. I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t attacking her. I set a personal boundary and was shut out over it.. I’ve been blocked for months.. So… AITA for setting a clear boundary about not wanting to talk about food—even if it made her uncomfortable?

Family ties can fray when personal struggles collide with good intentions. The Redditor, grappling with her son’s autism-related food challenges, faced a barrage of unsolicited comments from her cousin. Her boundary—no food talk—was a shield for her mental health, yet it sparked a rift. The cousin’s drastic reaction suggests she took it personally, perhaps feeling judged, though the Redditor clarified it was about her own anxiety, not blame.

This clash reflects a broader issue: navigating boundaries in relationships. A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found 43% of adults struggle to set boundaries without conflict. Psychologist Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab explains, “Boundaries are about self-care, but others may misinterpret them as rejection”. Here, the cousin’s cutoff seems less about food and more about her discomfort with being asked to adjust.

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The Redditor’s approach was textbook—calm, clear, and kind. Her cousin’s response, however, sidestepped empathy, prioritizing her own feelings. This dynamic isn’t uncommon; boundaries often expose who respects your needs versus who centers themselves. For others facing similar pushback, Tawwab suggests restating boundaries gently but firmly, like, “I value you, but this topic’s off-limits for now.” To move forward, the Redditor might focus on self-compassion, perhaps joining a support group for parents of autistic kids.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out support with a side of sass—here’s the crowd’s take:

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DracoPaladin − So now you know, she was doing it maliciously, and when you asked her to stop, she got upset that she couldn't bully you any more.. NTA.

ElysiumAsh23 − NTA, but I'm so stuck on the

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In all seriousness, from that comment alone the cousin is one of those food purity people, and she wouldn't leave OP alone even if her kid ate a pretty typical diet. It is weird that we have gotten to a point in human evolution that we are so well and safely fed that some people have decided we essentially must go backwards and starve ourselves and our children if a food or meal doesn't pass a judgment test.

SeaLandscape6012 − NTA. You set a reasonable boundary and were clear it was about you and your issues and NOT her. She responded quite poorly - that is on HER - NOT you. Honestly, I know this is hard, but I've dealt with family and friends like this - and it's just not right. You deserve better. You are better off without her in your life at this point, as she will only cause you stress. Stay strong - you were valid in setting a reasonable boundary.

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LightPhotographer − NTA. Kelsey enjoyed putting you down and showing off like the better mother.. When you put your foot down you stopped being a source of daily dopamine for her.

curiouslycaty − NTA. Some people who can't respect boundaries react in a way that suggests they feel personally affronted. She didn't like that you were setting healthy boundaries. I know it hurts, but if she keeps her distance for now it might be less painful than her violating your boundaries and you having to fight her on it every time you see her.

Maybe by the time she gets in contact again you'll feel less defensive and ready to stand up when she inevitably tries to suggest you're doing things wrong again. Well-adjusted people would apologise for overstepping, mentioning that they were just trying to help but they realise they were not helping, and then respect your boundaries.

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Bennie212 − NTA. I think it really comes down to she doesn’t understand what having a child with autism means. Sending you pictures and making comments to about your son’s eating habits was out of line in my opinion. You sent a boundary that seems reasonable to me. IMO she knew what she was doing so the her unsolicited advice was passive aggressive. I’m sorry she blocked you and you’re hurt. I hope someday if you want you can clear up this situation.

RubyNotTawny − she doubled down and said she was distancing herself. That's because she wasn't trying to be helpful. This was a way for her to insult you and put you down and you put an end to her fun. You are better off without this in your life.

No_Location_5565 − NTA. Kelsey’s response was unreasonable. I’d venture a guess she’s made a “healthy” lifestyle part of her personality or it’s unlikely she would have taken your boundary so personally. As someone who’s had a child in OT for sensory processing issues I understand you.

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Kelsey may have been unaware of what that truly looks like for a child and how hard that is on a parent, she’s not an AH for that. But she is an AH for her response to you informing her and for choosing to remain ignorant and unsupportive of what you’re going through when you set a reasonable boundary.

NeverForget108 − NTA I'm autistic myself and you've completely done the right thing. The problem here is your cousin's ignorance and lack of empathy and understanding

wocket-in-my-pocket − NTA for all the reasons other commenters have said. I just want to add, as an autistic adult with food issues that have lessened over time, that things can change. Especially with help like you're giving him, there is hope. He's young.

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Non-autistic kids go through restricted food periods too and it's documented that our senses of taste change over time. And don't forget yourself in all of this. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself grace. Maybe talk to your therapist about finding a support group of parents in a similar situation. This internet stranger believes in you.

These opinions pack a punch, but do they nail the heart of the issue, or are they just cheering from the sidelines? One thing’s sure: family drama stirs up some spicy takes.

This tale of boundaries and broken ties leaves us reflecting on empathy’s limits. The Redditor sought peace for her weary heart, only to lose a cousin’s closeness. Was her boundary too much, or was the reaction the real misstep? Family should be a safe space, but what happens when it’s not? Share your stories—how do you handle loved ones who miss the mark on your struggles?

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