AITA for sending out “Bad Day Alerts” to my family whenever my wife is having a bad day?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Picture a lively household: three boys, ages 12 to 17, darting around, a dad juggling family life, and a mom—amazing, yet armed with a temper that can turn a sunny day stormy. In this bustling home, our husband notices a pattern: when his wife’s day sours at work, the fallout rains down—snaps over toilet seats, glares at stray paper plates. To shield his crew, he crafts a clever fix: a “Bad Day Alert” group chat, a lifeline for his sons to brace for impact and for him to swoop in with dinner and chores.

It’s a secret mission of love—until the cat’s out of the bag. The sister-in-law, a temporary housemate, spills the beans, and now the wife’s fuming, feeling like the family’s taming an “angry child.” Was this a genius hack or a misstep? The drama’s thick, and Reddit’s buzzing—let’s dive into this domestic whirlwind!

‘AITA for sending out “Bad Day Alerts” to my family whenever my wife is having a bad day?’

I'm a father of 3 boys from ages 12 to 17 and a husband of one woman. My wife is an amazing woman with very few flaws. One of these again few flaws is her anger. When she's not happy, she has a habit of kinda making everyone else's days worse.

For example, if she has a bad day at work, I know it's likely that I'll get fussed at for something she usually doesn't care about. For my boys, I know it's rough as they really don't want to argue with their mother. On previous bad days, my wife has went off and overboard on our kids for small things such leaving the toilet seat up or leaving a paper plate out.

To combat this, I made a group chat with all the boys that we call, 'Bad Day Alert'. The way it works is that if one of us notices that my wife is not exactly having a good day and will make it our problem, we will simply text 'BAD DAY' into the chat so the others can prepare.

We also use it for just quick guy talk but its main purpose is to warn in case of a bad day. When we get a Bad Day alert, we do what we can to ensure that no one gets in trouble. It also gives me time to prepare to cook or pick up a dinner she really loves and take care of any chores that are typically hers.

That way she's able to come home and just decompress from the bad day without lashing out at any of us. My wife prior to recently was not aware of it. She did however find out. My sister-in-law recently moved in temporarily and my wife had a bad day.

My oldest son notified the rest of us. Our youngest son thought it would be smart to notify his aunt (he was right to do so, I just hadn't thought about her) She questioned him about everything, and he spilled the beans.

ADVERTISEMENT

My sister-in-law told my wife and now she's mad at me. She says it's wrong of me to do that because I'm essentially teaching our kids to treat her like an angry child. I protested that it was beneficial for all of us but she refused to hear it.. I really think I was doing a good thing for all by starting this.. AITA?

Navigating a spouse’s rough days can feel like dodging lightning, and this dad’s “Bad Day Alert” chat aimed to keep the peace. Our Redditor loves his wife, praising her strengths, but her habit of unloading work stress—lashing out over minor messes—puts him and the boys on edge. His workaround? Warn the kids, cook dinner, and tackle her chores. Sweet, sure, but the wife’s hurt, feeling reduced to a tantrum-thrower.

ADVERTISEMENT

This taps a deeper issue: family roles and emotional health. A 2023 report from the American Psychological Association notes 1 in 5 adults struggle with stress-related outbursts, straining relationships (source). Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, says, “Unmanaged anger can destabilize a household; communication and coping skills are key to balance” (source).

Dr. Heitler’s take rings true: the chat sidesteps blowups but sidelines the root issue—anger control. The kids shouldn’t play mood monitors; that’s adult turf. A fix? Gently urge therapy—solo for her, couples for both—to unpack stress and build tools. For now, swap secret texts for open talk: “Honey, rough day? Let’s decompress together.”

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit rode in like a cavalry, dishing bold takes with a sprinkle of sass—here’s the unfiltered scoop on this family’s stormy saga. Grab a seat for the ride!

madelinegumbo − ESH Yeah, this is really messed up. Your wife's temper so bad you need specific coping strategies and instead of protecting your kids, you're teaching them this is normal. This should be a wakeup call for you and your wife. Do it for your kids, if nothing else.

Vixen7-9 − She says it's wrong of me to do that because I'm essentially teaching our kids to treat her like an angry child.. Well if she stopped acting like an angry child throwing tantrums you could stop treating her like one...

Seriously, her husband and sons are *scared* enough of her that they need to *warn* each other when she's in a bad mood. Does she not see how messed up that is? Actually, do *you*? Stop coddling her when she blows up at you. You do not need to be all sweet and cater to her needs when she's unjustly snapping at you.

ADVERTISEMENT

Please do not encourage your kids to do it, either. I can't imagine them having to walk on eggshells around their own mother because she can't handle her own frustration. Encourage her to seek anger management methods if you can. NTA.

NarwhalNectarine − Depends.... It sounds like one of two things. Either your wife has severe anger issues and is borderline abusive and this is your coping mechanism (NTA) OR you are acting like your wife having emotions is irrational and hostile (YTA) Either way I recommend therapy

HeartpineFloors − ESH at least the grownups. Kids shouldn’t be party to managing their parent’s moods and nastiness. YOU are the adult—protect your children. How about telling your wife that she goes through anger management therapy because you’re done tip toeing around her and letting her rage at your kids with impunity?

ADVERTISEMENT

LittelFoxicorn − ESH Like some have pointed out. It is not healthy what your wife is doing and it is verry bad that you are teaching your sons that this is the way to deal with it. You are creating 'boat steadiers'.

Your wife has An issue and instead of showing them that this is her problem and that treating people like that is unaccaptable, you set the standard that everybody except mom is accountable. I do not know how to post links, but just Google: don't rock the boat Reddit. It will open your eyes.

Cjack66 − INFO: what are the 'chores that are typically hers' that you expect her to do after a full day of work? How often do you actually help out with them? Seems like you might be downplaying your own role in this dysfunctional family.

ADVERTISEMENT

outpostroad − INFO How often do these bad days come around? If it's very rare then I don't see anything wrong with this. We all have bad days and it's nice that her family notices and tries to make it better. But if it's like a few times a week then it's time to have a serious talk with the wife about her emotional control.

literallyrosie − Wow okay. You need to go to therapy. Both of you together. Work on her temper and coping strategies and talk with the therapist about how you can help her.. NTA

CogentCogitations − INFO: Are the things you are being fussed at really things she usually doesn't care about? Or are you always doing things that annoy your wife, but she usually just doesn't call you out on them every time?

ADVERTISEMENT

Also, how frequently are your kids leaving the toilet seat up, paper plates out, or other things that they know they should not be doing that it occurs everytime your wife is having a bad day.

Are they frequently doing them on days when your wife isn't having a bad day, too? And do you ever do any of the parenting to correct them when they do these things or just always leave it to your wife?

Capital-Philosopher6 − The issue isn't that you send out 'bad anger day' texts. The issue is that, not only are you enabling your wife's bad behavior, you've drafted your children to manage the moods of an adult.

ADVERTISEMENT

This isn't their problem or their job. You're asking children to deal with an adult problem and you're raising them in an unstable environment that is controlled by their mother's volatile moods. None of this is healthy or fair to them. ESH. ETA: changed a word, not the meaning.

These fiery Reddit roasts light up the chat, but do they spark truth or just heat?

This tale of “Bad Day Alerts” weaves love, chaos, and a misfired plan—dad’s covert texts shielded his boys but left his wife feeling ambushed. A clever dodge of drama, perhaps, yet it ducked the real storm: unchecked stress raining on the family. Reddit’s split—some cheer the shield, others cry foul on the secrecy. Could open chats and a therapy nudge calm these waters? The jury’s out, and tensions linger like a cloudy day. What would you do—text the troops or face the tempest head-on? Drop your thoughts, fixes, or family tales below—let’s weather this one together!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *