AITA for sending my kids to their dad instead of implement his decisions myself?

In the midst of a challenging separation, everyday decisions can become lightning rods for family conflict. One parent finds herself caught between honoring an ex-husband’s demand to halt the kids’ beloved MMA classes and preserving the activities that once provided fun, exercise, and confidence for the entire family. When the ex insists that the classes are “too aggressive,” she agrees—if only to save face during a painful divorce.

Yet when their children eagerly ask to go back, especially the middle child who has a special connection to the sport, she simply redirects their questions to their dad. This method of deflecting the conversation, rather than explaining the change herself, has now ignited new tensions. Is it fair to allow the ex to shoulder all the blame for this decision, or does it leave her responsible for the fallout with the kids?

‘AITA for sending my kids to their dad instead of implement his decisions myself?’

Family therapists stress that co-parenting after separation is fraught with challenges, especially when decisions affect daily routines. In instances where one parent unilaterally makes a choice that significantly impacts the children, clear, unified communication is crucial. Deflecting the topic by sending the kids to the other parent may protect one’s emotional well-being in the short term, but it can also sow confusion as to whose rules truly govern their lives.

Experts emphasize the importance of consistency in children’s activities during the emotionally turbulent period of a divorce. Regular engagement in extracurricular activities like MMA classes can provide stability and a sense of normalcy for kids. When one parent vacillates or avoids addressing the issue directly, it may undermine the security and clarity that children desperately need during family transitions.

In addition, psychologists note that deferring difficult conversations can lead to unresolved questions and heightened feelings of abandonment or neglect. Children are perceptive, and when parents shift the burden of explanation between households, it may inadvertently foster resentment or a sense of divided loyalty. An open, honest discussion—done in an age-appropriate manner—can often help mitigate these negative emotions and build trust over time.

Finally, legal and co-parenting experts recommend that separation agreements be revisited if one parent’s unilateral decisions begin to affect the children’s routines and well-being. Ideally, both parents should work together to periodically review and adjust arrangements to reflect the evolving needs of the children. This approach not only promotes consistency but also reduces the opportunity for one parent to evade responsibility, ultimately supporting a more stable environment for everyone involved.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Here are some candid perspectives from the Reddit community—ranging from supportive to critical—about this co-parenting conundrum. Many commenters applaud the parent’s choice, arguing that if the decision to stop MMA was imposed solely by the dad, then he should indeed be the one explaining it.

Others believe that the parent’s deflection undermines her influence and places undue burden on the children. The discussion is divided: some see it as a clever way to force accountability onto the ex, while others feel it might inadvertently lead to further emotional distress for the kids.

In conclusion, this co-parenting saga highlights the difficulties of navigating shared decisions during a separation. By sending her kids to their dad to discuss the MMA issue, one parent aims to avoid conflict and stick to her personal boundaries—even as her ex demands accountability.

This situation raises important questions: Should each parent firmly defend and enforce shared decisions for the sake of consistency? Or is it acceptable to let the other parent take the reins when the decision wasn’t truly mutual? What do you think is best for the children’s emotional well-being during such transitions? Share your thoughts and join the discussion.