AITA for selling my expensive Christmas present without telling my boyfriend?

In a cozy apartment filled with the hum of online lectures, a young woman’s gratitude for a shiny new computer turned sour. Her boyfriend’s generous Christmas gift, meant to ease her grad school struggles, became a tool for leverage, sparking tension. Caught between appreciation and frustration, she made a bold move to reclaim control. This Reddit tale dives into the murky waters of gifts with strings attached, leaving readers wondering: when does a present become a pawn in a relationship power play?

The story unfolds with raw emotion, as the woman navigates her boyfriend’s persistent demands and the weight of an extravagant gift. It’s a relatable clash of love, independence, and boundaries that hooks you from the start. How far would you go to break free from a gift that feels like a debt?

‘AITA for selling my expensive Christmas present without telling my boyfriend?’

I (25F) started my Masters program last year right before the world became dystopian. My boyfriend (34M) and I have been together for 4 years and he has watched me scrimp and save in order for me to afford to go to school. I mean, I was poor poor. Anyways, for Christmas this year he surprised me with a really nice and expensive computer since all of my school is online.

I was incredibly grateful for the gift and did not expect it at all. In fact, I told him he needed to return it because my old computer was fine. He assured me this was my gift to do what I needed in order to graduate school. However, this was the first very expensive gift my boyfriend has bought me.

He's bought me some jewelry that was around 100 dollars (which I consider to be expensive) but this computer was in the thousands. What I did not expect was how this computer was going to be used as a bargaining tool for months to come. Every week, he'll ask me for money.

When I say 'no we really need to save this for \[blank\] fund' he'll say 'we'll we could have did that with you computer but I still got it for you, so you owe me!' It's been several conversations like this, both joking and serious, about how I 'owe' him for the computer.

I've had several conversations about this with him and told him I don't appreciate how he's using this computer for leverage when he wants me to get him something. He'll apologize but a week later brings it up again. It's become such a source of contention that I told him I was going to sell the computer and buy a cheaper one and give him back a bulk of the money.

I didn't like having this expensive of a computer anyways and did find it to be a waste of his money. He told me to not, which resulted in a big argument. I firmly told him that it's my gift and I can do what I want with it. I'm unsure if he thought I was bluffing or not,

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but I sold my computer today to a good friend who paid near brand-new price.  I bought myself a cheaper laptop and gave him the bulk of his money back. He is furious at me for not keeping his very nice gift, however I felt like it was the only way to solve the conflict.. AITA?

Gifting in relationships can feel like a warm hug or a subtle shackle. For this woman, her boyfriend’s expensive computer became a tool for manipulation, a dynamic experts warn can signal deeper issues. According to Psychology Today, “gifts with expectations can erode trust,” especially when used to control.

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The woman’s boyfriend repeatedly leveraged the computer to demand money, creating a power imbalance. His apologies, followed by repeated behavior, suggest a lack of genuine change. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, not scorekeeping” . Here, the boyfriend’s actions clash with this principle, using the gift as a bargaining chip.

This situation reflects a broader issue: conditional gifting in relationships. A 2021 study from Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 68% of people feel uneasy when gifts come with expectations, as it undermines autonomy. The woman’s decision to sell the computer was a bold reclaiming of her agency, prioritizing her peace over material value.

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For solutions, experts suggest clear communication and boundary-setting. She tried discussing her discomfort, but his persistence showed a need for firmer limits. Selling the gift was a practical move, but addressing the root—his controlling behavior—requires ongoing dialogue or, in some cases, reevaluating the relationship.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew jumped into this drama with gusto, serving up spicy takes with a side of humor. From calling out red flags to cheering her bold move, the comments didn’t hold back. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

MsBaseball34 − NTA. And those huge red flags are flying - I hope he has more redeeming qualities. All I see are control issues.

popebologna − NTA. But honestly I’d consider this a huge red flag. I hate to bring it up but he is a lot older than you and using money and gifts to try to manipulate you is very concerning behavior.

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[Reddit User] − If ya mans was leveraging you (specially multiple times) over a GIFT I believe he not just the a**hole but kinda just an a**hole

LillytheFurkid − NTA. Well done for getting rid of the leverage. But I do agree with others, the red flags this early in the relationship don't bode well for the future. Abusive/controlling men are often full of apparently redeeming traits, but when he has you dependant, 'barefoot and pregnant' you will find it bloody hard to get away.

If he puts a ring on it he may also up the ante of abuse (get physical) as well. I speak from experience. I wish you all the best and hope that you are right about him being a good man despite his controlling behaviours...

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Blackandorangecats − 30 year old man goes after 21 year old.. He is controlling and manipulative.. NTA

photosbeersandteach − NTA. You’re missing the other way you could have solved the conflict...dumped your manipulative bf.

OverallDisaster − NTA but if I were you I would have kept the computer and gotten rid of the boyfriend. Who gives a generous gift to their partner to hold it over their heads? That’s s**tty.

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throwawayforunethica − NTA and this behavior is awful. My ex bought me a Coach purse that was $350 on sale. It's a nice purse, I picked it out. I had to hear EVERY F**KING DAY about how he 'bought me a $350 purse, how lucky I was, how he never even did that for his (ex) wife. Every. Day. The purse no longer brought me joy. I told him to return it.

He refused, apologized, and promised to never mention it. A week later he was back at it. We ended up breaking up, not just because of the purse but that didn't help. He went on to send me text messages and emails about the purse. I hate that f**king bag. My ex before him bought me three Gucci bags, a Fendi Spy Bag, a Dior Bag, and a Prada Bag,

the cheapest being $1800 and the most expensive $5000 AND HE NEVER MENTIONED IT. My ex had no idea how expensive my bags were and I never told him because I didn't want to hurt his feelings as he bragged about how lucky I was for the purse he bought me. I wish I had just bought it myself, which is what I was doing when he insisted on buying it for me.

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hyper12 − NTA. A gift with strings is a leash.

bigbuttfucker − NTA. He definitely was using it as leverage. It was not a gift from the heart, it was a gift from the brain - it was calculated.

These Redditors rallied behind her, slamming the boyfriend’s tactics as manipulative. Some urged her to ditch him entirely, while others praised her for flipping the script. But do these fiery opinions capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

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This tale of a gift gone wrong highlights the fine line between generosity and control. By selling the computer, she took a stand, but the underlying tension lingers. Relationships thrive on trust, not tallies of who owes whom. Her story invites us to reflect on how gifts can shift dynamics and test boundaries. What would you do if a loved one’s present came with strings? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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