AITA for screaming at my friend when she kept asking me the same question?

In a world where choices define who we become, a seemingly casual dinner turned into the spark that ignited long-repressed emotions. A 28-year-old former film industry creative—now a library professional—finds his hard-won stability challenged by a friend who refuses to let go of the past. The tension between following one’s passion and embracing practical responsibility is palpable.

Under a soft glow of a restaurant’s lighting, an emotional confrontation unfurled. The once gentle conversation escalated as the friend persistently pressed about returning to the cutthroat film industry, exposing the stark contrasts between lived hardship and her insulated privileges. This dinner, marked by frustration and regret, encapsulated the crux of a larger debate on personal fulfillment versus practical duty.

 

‘AITA for screaming at my friend when she kept asking me the same question?’

Okay background info, I (28m) used to work in the film industry as a freelancing wardrobe stylist/costumer from I was 21yo. I met said friend (26f) on set early in my career where she also just started off her career. 2+ years ago, I left the industry of years of near non existent work life balance, being taken advantage of and pay issues(underpaid or constant late payment which is common in my country due to no unions exists here).

Doesn't help that I had worked 3 months with my pay being withheld for a project at the end of my film career. So I left the entire scene for an office hour job that pays significantly lower than freelancing but stable with benefits. My current job is something many are surprised that I took it up (I work in libraries now lol). My friend lets call her Ally. So Ally is a nepo baby in the industry.

Her father is a long time video editor and her aunt was someone prominent with strong influences in the local scene so she doesn't face any issues that I faced, who had no one to protect me from the nonsensical business practices of the industry. She couldn't seem to grasp the concept that I left my passions to work in corporate.

I tried to explain to her my situation (I'm the oldest child and only son in an Asian household, and I am the main breadwinner of my family of 6) and the fact my passion for creative work had died. I was more interested in stability. Still she questioned my choices. Ally kept asking the same questions for 2 years.

Kept trying to coax me into joining back the film industry, kept saying that working for passion is better suited for me or she has no friends in the industry anymore (there were a good number of people who left?).  I kept trying to get her understand that I'm happy and comfortable with my current job.

Recently, she asked me the same question when we met for dinner and this time i was kinda in a bad mood. So I snapped at her in public. I called her out her blatant disrespect for my choices and the fact she saw how much I had to endure working in film, how I was unhappy in the end. I told her that she's an i**ot and to f**k off. Paid for my meal and left. Now that I have managed to cool down, I feel guilty for causing a comotion in public and embarrassing her. AITA?

Letting your partner or friend discuss your past can sometimes evoke feelings of vulnerability. In this story, the clash between cherished memories of creative freedom and the reality of a stable life is striking. The repeated questioning by the friend has escalated from mere curiosity to a breach of respectful understanding. This case underscores the importance of maintaining boundaries even with those closest to us, as too much pushback can undermine hard-won decisions in the pursuit of balance.

Delving deeper, it becomes apparent that differing socioeconomic backgrounds can intensify personal conflicts. The poster’s departure from a high-pressure industry to a modest but secure job highlights broader social disparities. For many, the dream of passion often clashes with the pragmatic needs of family responsibilities, as illustrated by the OP’s commitment to be the primary breadwinner in his Asian household. This friction is not just personal; it mirrors a more extensive societal divide regarding expectations and support systems.

According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, “It’s not the absence of conflict but the presence of repair attempts that truly keeps relationships resilient.” This insight is particularly relevant here. When conflict arises over fundamental life choices, the ability to repair and understand each other becomes crucial. The poster’s snapping point can be viewed as a failed repair attempt—a reaction born out of prolonged stress and unmet expectations between two very different life worlds.

Taking a broader perspective, the incident reflects a growing need for empathy in discussions about life changes. Professionals advise that acknowledging and respecting different journeys is key to supportive relationships. Balancing professional advice with personal experience, individuals facing similar dilemmas should consider setting clear boundaries while engaging in honest, constructive dialogue. In a world where our pasts often collide with our present, understanding these dynamics can foster healthier interactions and mutual respect.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid, humorous, and unfiltered. These opinions, while popular, spark curiosity: do they really reflect the broader reality of such personal conflicts, or merely echo a moment of emotional release?

PD_31 −  NTA. After two years of being hounded I'm not surprised you snapped, particularly to someone so privileged that they have no concept of what you've had to deal with throughout your career.

cinnamon_s −  NTA. It seems she didn't pay attention to the details of your conversations. Makes you wonder if she is really happy in the field.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. She'd been hounding you for years and refused to stop. She knew exactly what she was doing (or she should have) and got exactly what she deserved. When you poke at people over and over again, they're eventually going to get sick of it and snap at you.

LukeHeart −  It make perfect sense that anyone would snap after being hounded FOR 2 YEARS. the friend should have stopped after OP first said no. NTA

INFO - in the title when you say you screamed at her what does that mean. Was that just snapping at her? Raising your voice? Or was full blown screaming?

Ambitious-Cover-1130 −  Well no - you just forgot that the definition of madness is to do the same thing and expect different outcomes!!!

tinamoot −  NTA ally sounds like she’s making those comments from a place of privilege like what nepo babies do. Also, just based off of the way this was written out, are you from 🇵🇭?

potatochipqueen −  NTA. I work in film. I'm leaving for a stable, lower paying job. People who don't have or value work/life balance in the industry don't get the people who are unhappy and want to leave. I mean the conditions we are brainwashed into not only accepting but advocating for are insane.

You're taking care of yourself, maybe she's a bit resentful. But a friend should be happy for you, not pestering you to go back to a life that made you unhappy. Best of luck in your new career!

SafariNZ −  NTA but you missed a great opportunity to use “Which part of NO do you not understand!”

Accomplished_Hand820 −  Honestly work in the library is far from calling a corporate work

Perfect-Map-8979 −  NTA. It’s weird that she’s so invested in what you’re choosing to do for work. If you want to continue the friendship, you could apologize for the outburst (not the content, just the outburst) and have a conversation about how her pestering you makes you feel.

In conclusion, this story is a vivid reminder of the delicate balance between our past passions and present realities. It invites us to reflect on the importance of respecting one’s choices, even when opinions diverge drastically. Whether you relate to the struggle of leaving a chaotic career or have witnessed similar pressures from well-meaning friends, your insights matter. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences as we navigate these complex crossroads.

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