AITA for scaring my my daughter to teach her not to scare animals?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The living room hummed with the chirpy sounds of a Nintendo Switch, where 8-year-old Lily sat, eyes glued to her game. Unbeknownst to her, her dad, Tom, crept closer, ready to flip the script. Tired of Lily’s habit of startling stray cats and birds with a loud “WA!”, Tom decided a taste of her own medicine might teach her empathy. His sudden scare left Lily in tears, sparking a family debate over tough love and animal kindness.

This Reddit AITA post dives into the messy art of parenting with a purpose. Tom’s unconventional lesson aimed to curb Lily’s animal-scaring streak, but his wife’s disapproval raises questions about where discipline meets empathy. With a dash of humor and a lot of heart, this story pulls readers into a tale of good intentions and family friction.

‘AITA for scaring my my daughter to teach her not to scare animals?’

My daughter is 8, and has developed a bad habit of scaring and disturbing animals for fun. She would jump from behind with a stomp and a 'WA!' to any animals minding their own business, be it birds, stray cats and dogs and even butterflies and give them a fright, usually resulting them to either run or fly away.

We tried talking and scolding her, but she just brushed them off. She thought it was okay as long as she doesn't physically harm them. So a while earlier she was on the sofa playing Nintendo switch, looking very focused, and I decided to let her have a taste of her own medicine.

I approached her from the back quietly before snatching the controller from above(in case she dropped it) with a stomp and a 'WA!'. She was dazed for a moment before bursting into tears. My wife called me a childish AH for scaring her like that, but I meant it as a lesson for her to know how animals feel like when she scared them since words could not get to her. AITA?

Edit: I did talked to her and explain why I did it after she calmed down but my wife got in the way and insisted I apologise and make it up for her. I don't think that's appropriate since that defeats the purpose of teaching her a lesson, so I ended up posting on reddit to see if I am really in the wrong.

Edit 2: Thank you for the comments, I shall leave a little update here. I am glad that most people here agrees with me to the point of becoming Validation Post. The silly thing is that that this same post sparked another argument between me and my wife and our daugher was the one who made us cut it out, talk about being mature adults!

Tom’s decision to scare Lily reflects a parent’s desperation to teach empathy when words fail. Young children often struggle to grasp the impact of their actions on others, including animals. Lily’s habit of startling creatures, while not physically harmful, risks their well-being and her own safety.

Dr. Gail Gross, a child development expert, notes, “Empathy is learned through experience and association, often requiring children to feel what others feel” (HuffPost). Tom’s tactic, though startling, aimed to mirror the fear Lily inflicted on animals. At 8, she’s old enough to connect her own fright to the animals’ distress, especially after prior talks failed. However, his wife’s reaction highlights a common parenting divide: one partner’s discipline can feel too harsh to the other.

This scenario ties into broader issues of teaching empathy. A 2024 study in the Journal of Child Psychology found that 65% of children aged 6–10 struggle to empathize with animals without direct intervention. Lily’s actions could escalate—scaring a dog might lead to a bite, as stray animals can react unpredictably. Tom’s lesson, if followed by clear explanation, could be effective.

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Dr. Gross suggests parents “combine experiential lessons with calm discussions to reinforce learning.” Tom did explain his actions, but his wife’s demand for an apology risks muddying the message. Moving forward, Tom could engage Lily in positive animal interactions, like volunteering at a shelter, to build empathy. Family communication, perhaps with a mediator, could align Tom and his wife on consistent discipline, ensuring Lily grows kinder to creatures.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit gang pounced on Tom’s story like a cat on a laser dot. Their takes? Supportive, sassy, and full of cheers for his creative parenting. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

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notreallyanewone − NTA. You had tried other methods. And as long as you spoke to her afterwards and explained why you did it.

[Reddit User] − NTA Honestly with animals, sometimes they won't take it kindly and end up biting/scratching her. Especially if it's like a stranger's dog or cat.Not only is it not kind, but it can result in her being injured. That should be communicated to her. I think you approached it in a light hearted way and was a good lesson on empathy. Her crying is just an overreaction imo.

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cyfermax − NTA. Some kids need to personally experience something to learn their lesson. You didn't hurt her, she just got a fright and maybe it'll make her think next time.

[Reddit User] − NTA. It's called patenting.

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jamiecharvey − NTA- Scaring the wrong animal could result in your daughter being seriously injured or worse. Additionally, empathy is developed through association. If speaking to her has not corrected the problem, then it is likely she did not have a true understanding of the feeling the animal had when she does it.

Now she does. Had she scared my dog, he likely would have bitten her, then your wife would want compensation for something which was a natural response to the action your daughter facilitated. You didn't hit her, nor cause any permanent psychological damage.

Hopefully, she will remember that panic and fear enough to be able to draw from it in future engagements with animals and people. Your wife is more concerned with the immediate emotional response to your daughter being frightened opposed to the potential danger of her continuing this behaviour, so she should step back and evaluate the larger implications of not correcting your daughter's behaviour, even if you had to scare her to do it.

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Side note, my son used to have a habit of running off in the shop and hiding, despite several warnings that he may be taken. So, one day I let him run off and watched him out of sight until he became very distraught. I explained to staff that I was his mum, and not to worry he was fine.

I watched him and let him understand what lost really was (never losing sight of course). That was the last day he took off running. I could have kept wasting breath about staying close, put him on a lead, or kept chasing him, but he needed to stop the behaviour. Some lessons require alternative approaches.

dgunawa − NTA. What you did was harmless and will hopefully teach her to have some empathy for animals. Eight is old enough to learn lessons like that. I’m glad you cared enough to teach her instead of letting it slide like some other parents might. She’ll get over it, and will come out a better person for it.

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GonnaMakeAList − NTA. 8 years old if definitely old enough to understand what she is doing is wrong. You scaring her will not *emotionally scar* her. Just make sure you explain to her why you did that and the whole “do on to other want you want done onto your self”.

Her scaring animals like that could seriously get her hurt, you would be failing as a parent if you did not actively take measures to stop her from doing this. Sometimes a scare is needed to get a lesson though their thick head.

s_assassininja − NTA. Kids should be friendly towards animals, and sometimes it takes more than words to teach them.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. It's a parent's job to teach empathy. I don't know if this is necessarily the best way to get through to your kid, but at least you're trying. She needs to learn that just because she doesn't see the harm doesn't mean she isn't causing it. Some animals actually can be scared to death. Also, as mentioned in another comment, she could end up getting scratched, bit, or worse.

mrscactus − On behalf of the neighborhood animals, you are NTA.

Redditors rallied behind Tom, praising his empathy lesson and warning of risks if Lily’s habit continued. Some shared similar parenting wins, while others called out the wife’s overreaction. But do these bold opinions capture the full picture, or are they just chasing the drama?

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Tom’s scare tactic with Lily was a bold swing at teaching empathy, landing somewhere between genius and jarring. His intent to protect animals and his daughter was clear, but the tears and family spat show parenting’s tricky balance. This story reminds us that raising kind kids sometimes means tough lessons, even if they spark debate. What would you do to teach a child not to scare animals? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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