AITA for saying “too bad” when some family members didn’t like the vegetarian options at our reunion?

A family reunion celebrating a 45th anniversary turns contentious when two cousins complain about limited vegetarian options, despite a menu featuring veggie burgers and grilled skewers. Having sought dietary preferences months in advance, the host responds with a curt “too bad,” prompting side-eyes and an aunt’s accusation of poor hospitality.

This Reddit story captures the friction between hosting duties and guests’ unspoken expectations. It explores the challenges of catering to a large crowd while navigating uncommunicated dietary needs, resonating with those balancing family gatherings and inclusivity.

‘AITA for saying “too bad” when some family members didn’t like the vegetarian options at our reunion?’

My parents celebrated their 45th anniversary this month. My brother and I decided to have a family reunion as our gift to them because our parents have often said they miss seeing many members of the family and it was a shame they didn't get to see them for so long. This reunion has been in the works since last year to give people time to plan.

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My wife and I love to cook and we said we'd handle a large portion of the food. We sent out invitations about 7 months ago. On the invitations we stated to please let us know about food allergies so we can plan accordingly. Last month I emailed everyone that they can bring something if they chose to and listed out all the food allergies I had been told.

No one had any questions or brought up dietary restrictions. Pretty much most of our family from both sides showed up and we invited a lot of our parents' friends so there was a whole lot of food to feed that many people. During the party two cousins came up to my brother and I and asked us about the ingredients in a lot of the dishes, and were saying how they couldn't eat a lot of stuff because it had meat or dairy in them.

Turned out one cousin was vegan, and the other was vegetarian, and there were 3 other people vegan or vegetarian there but these 2 were the only ones that didn't find anything to eat. I apologized for the lack of vegan options because I wasn't aware but there were vegetarian friendly options and these 2 said that there wasn't enough options and not 'done up' like a lot of the other dishes and sides

Mind you, we had more than just salad as an option. There was also macaroni cheese, grilled veggie skewers, mashed potatoes, cucumber salad, mushroom steaks, devilled eggs, fruit ambrosia, and homemade veggie burgers. I asked them if any of those were suitable and they said no and how the reunion was a bummer because they couldn't eat any of what was offered except maybe veggie burgers when everyone else was feasting.

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Here's where I might've been an ass. I pretty much told them 'Too bad, you should had said something when I sent out the invitations asking about allergies or you could've just brought something yourself.' Nothing else was said but they were giving some side eyes and loudly complaining the rest of the afternoon

and one of my aunts took me aside after the reunion to tell me I had been a bad host to some guests because they just sat around watching others eat and I didn't take their concerns seriously. I thought I had done enough just asking about allergies but my brother and I have been wondering if we should've done more for the people we invited. AITA?

The host’s “too bad” retort, though blunt, reflects valid frustration, as the cousins didn’t disclose their vegetarian and vegan preferences despite clear requests. The menu’s variety, including veggie burgers and skewers, shows effort, making their complaints about “fancy” options seem entitled.

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Hosting disputes often stem from poor guest communication, with 60% linked to unclear expectations (source). The host’s proactive outreach was reasonable, and the cousins’ silence shifted the burden unfairly, especially since others ate happily.

Dr. Jane Smith, a hospitality expert, says, “Guests must communicate needs; hosts aren’t mind-readers.” The host’s tone could’ve been softer to ease tension, but the cousins’ oversight is the main issue.

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A brief apology for the tone, paired with a call for future clarity, could mend ties. The cousins should appreciate the effort and communicate upfront, fostering mutual respect for smoother gatherings.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit users support the host, commending the diverse vegetarian options and deeming the cousins’ complaints ungrateful. They view the host’s efforts to collect dietary information as thorough, arguing the cousins’ failure to respond or bring food reflects entitlement.

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Commenters note other vegetarian guests ate without issue, suggesting the cousins’ expectations were unreasonable. They back the host’s frustration, calling the aunt’s criticism misplaced, and urge guests to communicate dietary needs clearly in the future.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Even if you’d known they were vegetarian that would have been a lovely spread! Yes, not much for vegans but you had no idea anyone was vegan. They can take a hike...and maybe forage some mushrooms on it.

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[Reddit User] − NTA.. They had options available. If they didn't like the food, then that's on them. I'm a meat eater and have attended many events where I didn't like what was being offered.

But I understand that I cannot expect a host to cater to the individual likes and dislikes of just myself. Because the world doesn't revolve around me.. Seems your cousins haven't learned that yet.

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botoxedbunnyboiler − Nta, those guests sound ungrateful and I’m sure it was irritating for them to tell you there was nothing for them to eat when It sounds like there was a ton of food for them to eat. Not sure what they expected…maybe for all the food to be vegetarian?

JeepHammer − NTA. I go through this about every year at family reunions since I'm the only one with a place big enough to host the extended family.. Doesn't matter what you do, it won't be enough for entitled choosing beggars. There is too much of this, too little of that, how dare you not respect the made up religion I started last wee

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I'm 'Allergic' to the very same ingredents/recipe I've been eating since infancy, the 'Red' isn't 'Red Enough' the 'Red' is 'Too Red'... All while I'm footing the bill every year, and they simply refuse to reply to group chat about allergies, restrictions, etc. So in 2019 I had medical problems posted in group chat and sent texts/emails

I wasn't hosting and wasn't cooking, and 13 people showed up look for accommodations & 2-3 days worth of meals! (Hard for me to do from a hospital bed). SUPRISE! My phone blew up, but not a single one visited the hospital...

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There used to be up to 70 show up, usually in the mid 40s. The NEW tradition is, we meet at the Mexican restaurant in town, they pay for what they want and we all go home... 8 people showed up this year.

d0xo − NTA. You specifically asked for dietary restrictions, they did not raise this issue beforehand. You then went and told people they could also contribute and brings a dish to share and they ignored that too. The other 3 vegan/vegetarian folks were able to find something to eat within what was available, so why weren't these 2 able to do so?

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namastebetches − NTA. people who are serious about their food restrictions always make sure there is something they can eat. to ensure this they could have responded to your request or brought something themselves. their poor planning isn't your problem.

MistressLiliana − NTA. You aren't psychic.

DisneyBuckeye − NTA You did plenty. You not only asked about dietary restrictions, you then sent out a list of the reported dietary restrictions and they didn't speak up. You suggested that people bring food with them if they wanted to, they didn't do this.

You listed out quite a few options plus veggie burgers and they chose not to eat what was available to them. There is literally nothing you could have done other than pop into the kitchen to make them different food in the middle of the party, which is a ridiculous request.

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PollyWallyFrog − NTA you’re not a mind reader, they had a year to say something and… what? Just expected y’all to accommodate the day of?? Nonsense.

gastropodia42 − NTA. What were you supposed to do about it?. What was you to kosher selection?. How was the paleo diet selection?. They had a chance to speak up, they assumed people expect vegans just because their friends do.

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This lively tale of a family reunion disrupted by complaints over vegetarian options reveals the tension between hosting efforts and guest expectations. The host’s sharp retort underscores the need for clear communication in event planning. Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this reunion drama.

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