AITA for saying there’s no point in my mom and I having “closure” when she’s already dead to me?

Picture a young man, scarred by a mother who partied through his childhood, cheated on his father, and fled when he faced leukemia at 9. Years of therapy helped him bury her in his mind, declaring her “dead” to move on. Now, at 27, he learns she’s dying of cancer and wants closure. His blunt refusal—she’s already gone to him—sparks a family feud, with his aunt pushing forgiveness and kin split over his stance.

This Reddit tale is a raw wound of abandonment and resolve. Was his refusal a shield for his peace, or a harsh denial of a dying woman’s wish? It’s a story that pulses with pain, boundaries, and the ghosts of family ties, tugging at the heart’s toughest strings.

‘AITA for saying there’s no point in my mom and I having “closure” when she’s already dead to me?’

This Reddit post lays bare a son’s stand against a mother’s last plea. Here’s his story, unfiltered:

This family rift is a stark portrait of trauma’s lasting grip. The mother’s abandonment during her son’s cancer battle, atop her neglect and infidelity, shattered trust beyond repair. His choice to view her as “dead” is a coping mechanism, hardened by therapy, to protect his mental health. Her request for closure, while human, prioritizes her peace over his, echoing her past selfishness.

Psychologist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk notes, “Trauma survivors often need firm boundaries to feel safe; forcing reconciliation can retraumatize” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Traumatic Stress found that 72% of adults with childhood abandonment struggle with forgiveness when past harms go unaddressed (Source). The aunt’s push for him to be “the bigger person” dismisses his pain, while family pressure risks guilting him into a harmful encounter.

He’s within his rights to refuse, but reflecting with a therapist could ensure no future regrets. “Honor your limits,” van der Kolk advises. His aunt should respect his boundary, and his mother could write a letter for him to read—or not—on his terms. The family’s split reflects their own unresolved views on forgiveness.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit poured out takes as fierce as a survivor’s resolve. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

These Reddit opinions are as raw as an open scar, but do they miss the nuance of potential regret down the line?

This story is a searing blend of hurt, healing, and hard lines. The man’s refusal to see his dying mother guards his hard-won peace, but family pressure stirs doubt. Could a letter or proxy talk offer closure without pain, or is his stance the only path? What would you do if a ghost from your past sought redemption? Share your thoughts—have you ever drawn a line to protect your heart?