AITA for saying that i can’t do any chores in December and following through?

The hum of a laptop and the clatter of packages filled the house as a 30-year-old entrepreneur dove into her busiest season, churning out 12-18 hour days to keep her online business thriving. November and December were her make-or-break months, a marathon that funded a relaxed rest of the year. But when her boyfriend moved into her home, her clear warnings about skipping chores during this crunch time fell on deaf ears, sparking fiery arguments and a harsh “lazy b**ch” jab that left her stunned.

This tale of clashing expectations and dismissed boundaries captures the strain of balancing love and ambition. Caught between her relentless work schedule and a partner’s growing resentment, her stand on chores raises a question: when does prioritizing your hustle cross into neglecting your home?

‘AITA for saying that i can’t do any chores in December and following through?’

I (f30) run a small online business from home. November and December are my busiest time of the year when I make a lot of money that allows me to work less during the year. I’ve been doing this since I was 25 so I’ve got a decent idea of what I can and cannot do.

And focusing on work only for 1-2 months is a sacrifice I’m willing to make for chill rest of the year. This year, I’ve moved in with my boyfriend (m35). Well, technically he moved in with me because i own the house so it was a no brainier for him to move in with me.

We split chores half and half. He works full time (37.5 hours a week). When he moved in, I had a talk with him letting him know that I can’t do any chores in November/December and asked if he could pick up the slack because I’m physically unable to do any chores as I can be working anything between 12-18 hours a day (I take a full January off to decompress).

He said he doubted I worked that much but we will see. I asked again in September and October to make sure he was aware that I won’t be doing anything (I meal prepped in advance) and I felt he kind of dismissed me. Mid November, we had an argument about my chores not being done and I reminded him of what I told him.

He said that he thought I wasn’t being serious and told me there’s no way he’d do 100% of chores because he’s working too. I said fine, don’t do my chores, they can wait until I have time. That’s how it was when I lived alone, no problem, I don’t make much mess anyway.. He wasn’t happy but dropped it.

We haven’t seen each other much because I’ve been working so much but he’s been more and more pissed off and blew up at me today regarding the chores. He said I had to have a better work life balance and to grow up because the house was a mess. I told him if it was a mess it was his fault because I barely leave my office..

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He called me a lazy b**ch. I told him k didn’t have time for arguing and went back working. He stood in front of my locked office door shouting how he couldn’t believe I was bei mg serious about not doing chores and it was an a**hole move to leave it all to him..

He thinks I’m a major a**hole for basically disappearing for 2 months and following through with not doing chores.. Am I really the a**hole for saying I won’t do chores and following through?. Sorry for any typos, I’m on mobile and my autocorrect hates me.

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This chore clash is a textbook case of miscommunication and mismatched expectations. The woman’s upfront warnings about her intense work season were clear, yet her boyfriend’s dismissal and eventual insults reveal a lack of respect for her boundaries. His expectation that she juggle chores during 18-hour workdays ignores the reality of her business demands.

Running a home-based business can strain relationships. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association found that 62% of entrepreneurs report relationship tension due to uneven household responsibilities during peak work periods. The boyfriend’s “lazy” insult, especially in her own home, escalates the conflict into disrespect.

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Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes in a Psychology Today article, “Healthy partnerships require mutual validation of each other’s priorities.” The boyfriend’s refusal to take her work seriously undermines this. She should initiate a calm discussion post-season, outlining clear chore divisions and addressing his dismissive attitude. If he can’t respect her boundaries, reevaluating the relationship may be necessary

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit squad brought the heat, dishing out support with a side of righteous indignation. From slamming the boyfriend’s insults to cheering her boundary-setting, the comments were a fiery mix of empathy and outrage. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

Shadow_wolf82 − NTA. Someone who called me a lazy b**ch in MY house, wouldn't be living in it much longer.

dreamqueen9103 − He called you a lazy b**ch? That kind of disrespect and rudeness in a relationship would not fly with me and he’d be out.

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gringaellie − Anyone who called me a lazy b**ch for refusing to clean up their mess when I'm working 12-18 hour days would be out of my house so fast that the door would hit them on the way out.

raeseri_ − So basically… you warned him WHEN he moved in, and courteously reminded him multiple times since then… and he still thought you weren’t being serious…? And then… you did exactly what you said you were going to do… and he’s upset… because you were honest? Seriously…?

You’re working. It’s not like you’re just sitting on your ass and letting a mess pile up. You’re working hard for the sake of your personal business… and it’s not like it was any different before him.. NTA.

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emccm − NTA. Girl this man is living in the house you own and he won’t help out with chores so you can continue with the business that allows him to live there. You told him and he chose to assume you were lying. Honestly this should be all you need to know. I know people with businesses like this.

I just expect not to have any meaningful interaction with them from mid-Nov until the New Year. You need to be aware that if you plan on having children with him this is exactly how he will be. “I doubt looking after a new born is *that* much work, but we’ll see.”. Also, the behavior you are describing and the language he is using towards you is abuse.. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[Reddit User] − NTA. You told him, repeatedly. He chose to blow that off. Then when the reality hit of what you had repeatedly told him, he called you names and told you to grow up. In your house.

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It’s not even about whether you could do the chores or not. It’s about how he handles things he doesn’t want to hear and how he reacts and treats you when the reality hits the fan.. I’d be re-thinking the whole relationship.

ccl-now − NTA. You said him moving into your house was a no brainer - kicking him out requires even less brain power than that.

CakeEatingRabbit − NTA. How much can that be? Especially if you told him, to just leave yours undone.. I assume you would do everything in january if you have the month off.. I just cant grasp that you talked and talked and talked about it and he just ignored it.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. You told him how it would be and he's pissed off that you were honest. Maybe he needs to move out if he has such a big problem with it.

Heraonolympia123 − Info; before he moved in, did you disappear for 2 months every Nov/Dec? If you did and he knew this is what happened, he should have taken you at your word. Or have you not been together long?

These Redditors rallied behind the entrepreneur, roasting her boyfriend’s audacity while waving red flags about his behavior. But do their takes capture the full mess, or are they just stoking the drama?

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This story of a woman standing firm on her work priorities reveals the messy clash of love, labor, and respect. Her boyfriend’s refusal to honor her clear warnings turned a manageable arrangement into a battleground, with his harsh words cutting deeper than any unwashed dish. It’s a reminder that relationships thrive on mutual understanding, not ultimatums. How would you handle a partner who dismisses your work boundaries? Share your experiences and insights below!

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