AITA for saying no to hosting my sister in laws wedding ceremony at my house?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a quiet backyard, lush and serene, set for a sweet 10-minute wedding with just a handful of guests. That’s what one woman envisioned when she agreed to host her sister-in-law’s ceremony—until the guest list ballooned to 20+ strangers, turning her haven into a potential circus. Now, she’s pulling the plug, but her husband’s calling her the villain for shutting down family.

This Reddit tale is a juicy mix of boundary-setting and family drama, perfect for anyone who’s felt their generosity stretched too far. Her stand against a growing guest list sparks a debate: is she protecting her peace, or raining on her sister-in-law’s big day?

‘AITA for saying no to hosting my sister in laws wedding ceremony at my house?’

AITA for not wanting to host my SIL’s wedding in my backyard? My SIL asked me a week ago if she could get married in my backyard that only included 4 witnesses and was intended to be a small 10 minutes ceremony with no reception.

Well now her fiance has 20 plus people coming from out of state which I have never met before. The number keeps growing by the day.I’ve told my husband that I am now not comfortable with having that many people at my house and that the script was flipped on me.

I actually believe my sister in law would be extremely understanding of me not feeling comfortable with now this many people and would be happy to find another free outdoor space… it’s my husband that is making me out to seem like a bad person.

He is arguing semantics with me ‘what’s the difference between 5,10,15 and now 20? I need to know the why?’. I’ve told him several times that I don’t need to explain myself more when it’s also my house. I felt like I was being very accommodating with the initial request as that’s something I would naturally not jump all over to offer.. AITA for saying no with the new conditions?

Backyard weddings sound dreamy, but this woman’s shift from hosting a tiny ceremony to facing a crowd of strangers flipped the script. She feels bait-and-switched, while her husband downplays the leap from 5 to 20 guests. Her discomfort with unvetted visitors trampling her space is valid, especially with added logistics like parking and bathrooms.

Event planner Liz Seccuro advises, “Clear agreements on guest counts prevent chaos; homeowners deserve control over their space” (Event Planning Insights). The sister-in-law’s expanding plans, likely fueled by her fiancé’s out-of-state guests, outgrew the backyard’s capacity. A 2023 survey found 62% of homeowners regret hosting large events due to property strain (National Association of Realtors).

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The woman could meet with the couple to explain her limit—say, 10 guests—offering to help find a public venue if they need more. This respects her boundaries while supporting family, dodging the drama and keeping her backyard a sanctuary.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit dove into this backyard brouhaha like it was a block party, serving up hot takes with a sprinkle of snark. Here’s the raw buzz from the crowd, buzzing with wit and wisdom:

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United-Manner20 − NTA the difference is five people in your space and using your plumbing and your water and parking near your home is one thing. 20 is a lot more people. The difference is a week ago. It was one number and now it has quadrupled. I think you should have a discussion with your sister-in-law and let her know that you’re not comfortable with that many people you agreed when it was supposed to be small.

You understand that the number of guests has now grown, but you don’t think your space is going to be the right fit for that many people. I’m assuming your husband also wants you to set up and clean and play host this entire time for all of those people. Absolutely not. Maybe look up public parks near you and see if they have any pavilions for rent and give your sister-in-law several other options.

Bitter-Paramedic-531 − NTA but instead of pulling the invitation straight away, why not sit down with the couple and agree exactly what you are comfortable with. If the fiance argues they need more, then you are perfectly at liberty, to stuggest they find another venue. Having 20+ strangers traipsing wandering around my house, traipsing n and out to use the bathroom isn't something I'd be comfortable with.

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lazydaycats − We've had two weddings in our yard. I accepted the extra work for one because it was my daughter. When it came to my bil and sil's wedding I ended up absolutely p*ssed on the day of the wedding because they were of no help at all.

Not what they agreed too at all. My sil wandered around wringing her hands and doing nothing beforehand, I'm not sure where my bil was. They had said they would help with set up and clean up the next day but were not much if any help. She actually came in the door with a ham in her hands and asked me to cook it.

I took one look at it and said I wasn't f*ing cooking a ham, she should of cooked and sliced it the day before, there was a BBQ outside if she wanted it cooked. My kitchen was full of coolers of food that were only partially ready to be served. Thankfully I had an easy coleslaw dressing recipe and had the ingredients because there was no dressing.

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My yard was a mess, my house was a disaster, thankfully they had a mobile toilet station but there were people that refused to use it. It was 6 weeks before I could look at and talk to them and if I had known they would be almost useless and disorganized I would have said no. It's been 12 years and I still see it plainly.

Novel_Move_3972 − the difference is the amount of logistics-- food, beverages, parking places, tent/protection from the elements, chairs, flowers, tables/display for gifts and cake, a bathroom for all these people to use. sounds like this is growing beyond a 'small wedding at home' to a big event that requires more infrastructure.

IntrovertSuperHero − Op, you don’t need to tell SIL, “I’m not comfortable” you simply need to state the obvious. In the same reason venues/restaurants have a MAX CAPACITY sign, is the same reason you’re no longer able to accommodate 20+ People.

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And if people are coming out of town, then they needs to be some kind of reception to feed them. 4 people can run to a restaurant on short notice or someone can order takeout. But 20 people need more resources. You no longer have the resources.

And if your husband wants to argue semantics, simply tell SIL that you’re sorry you’ll have to miss wedding due to you being out of town for the next week while DH can figure out the logistics of this crap show

Dittoheadforever − You're NTA. This was a bait and switch that could only get worse . 5,10,15 and now 20? I need to know the why?. Because his sister is trying to take advantage of you and you're not a door mat.. And if you're on a septic system,  that's even more of reason not to put up with that crap.

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Your_Daddy_1972 − NTA. There's a BIG difference between 5 and 20 people. 5 people can be kept tabs on and contained. There's almost no way to keep track of 20+ people who you don't know and have no reason to trust

sxcpetals − NTA. I briefly met a lady (extremely overweight) who attended a backyard bridal shower… that lady stepped into a mole hole and fell over…guess what? She landed on her wrist. Given she was 300lbs at 5’3”…she hurt her wrist pretty badly when she braced herself for impact from the fall.

That woman ended up suing the homeowners who allowed the bride to have the shower in their home in their backyard. Sued them for the hole in the ground created by a f**king animal god knows when.. Ridiculous.. It’s one thing having 5 people over- even that is generous. For it to quadruple in such a short period of time, no one cares about your feelings and has little to no respect for you.. NTA. I would never have 20 strangers in my house.

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BlazingSunflowerland − Tell your husband that you won't be there the day of the wedding because you can't stand the idea of that many people in your backyard. You will lock the doors and leave.. Would they all have to come through the house to get to the backyard?. Would they all be coming into your house for the bathroom?

Tell your husband you agreed to a wedding with 4 witnesses. Everyone else can meet them somewhere else after the wedding. Someone has been inviting all of these extra people. I'd would feel incredibly resentful about being lied to.

I think your husband is in on the lies and in on inviting extra people. This seems like a bait and switch. Only four witnesses doesn't equal twenty guests. I guess 16 of those guests can wait elsewhere for an after wedding brunch/lunch/dinner/party/whatever.

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LoveisDogs2024 − NTA. Not to mention the cleaning after because THERE’S ALWAYS cleaning after. Or even just knowing random people are in my space of peace. I would not be ok with it. 5 unknown guests is one thing, 20 that could turn into 25 or 30 strangers is not ok.

Redditors rallied behind the woman, slamming the guest list explosion as a bait-and-switch, though some urged a calm chat with the couple. The question lingers: is she right to protect her space, or should she bend for family? This wedding wrangle has Reddit buzzing like a crowded reception.

This backyard wedding flap shows how fast a small favor can snowball into a boundary battle. The woman’s refusal to host a growing crowd guards her peace, but a frank talk with her sister-in-law could smooth feathers. Her husband’s pushback makes it trickier, but clarity might save the day. Have you ever had to say no to a family favor that got out of hand? What would you do in her shoes?

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