AITA for saying no to a 16 year old family member?

In a new home filled with the joy of an expected baby, a pregnant woman faced a tough call when her fiancé’s 16-year-old niece asked to stay for a few days. Known for smoking weed, stealing from family, and borrowing money with a “bad attitude,” the niece raised red flags. With expensive belongings, a home bar, and pregnancy woes, the woman said no, unwilling to risk trouble, especially with her fiancé’s new job leaving them alone together.

Though her fiancé agrees, he shies from saying no, leaving her to play the “mean one.” This Reddit story, thick with boundary-setting, mirrors your own struggles with difficult family, like your cousin’s chaos or your sister’s demands. Is she wrong to protect her peace, or should she give the teen a chance?

‘AITA for saying no to a 16 year old family member?’

My fiancé Matt has a niece who is 16 and after finding out that I’m pregnant she wants to come stay with us for a few days. We have just recently moved to a new area and have our own 4 bed house. We are very happy here and after finding out that we are expecting we are ecstatic.

My problem is this 16 year old smokes weed, has stolen items, money and such from other family members before and has an all round ‘bad attitude’ about her. To be honest, I don’t like her and don’t want the baby to be anywhere near her.

She also contacts us whenever she wants and it’s always her asking vaguely how we are and it quickly escalates into her asking to borrow money each time (that she probably spends on weed).

Well she got in contact and said that she wants to come stay a few days with us. I said no straight away. I pointed out to Matt that she is 5 hours away, I would have to drive to pick her up as she doesn’t have any money to get the train down here on her own. We have a bar in our house.

What’s to stop her from going into that and drinking everything when we go to bed? More importantly my wardrobe is full of expensive things. Laboutins, Chanel makeup, bags etc. What’s to stop her from stealing my things and then selling it later on? Like she has done with some other family members.

She even asked the other day if I still have my fancy new Apple Mac that she knew I got for Christmas and Matt just asked why she wanted to know and she just changed the subject quickly. Me being pregnant, I don’t want to see or tolerate anyone else other than Matt because most days I’m throwing up and feeling like my back is going to give in.

I don’t want to then have to accommodate and run around a 16 year old. Matt is taking a new job too. His working hours are going to be three days 5pm-5am and one of these days falls on a day that she wants to come up. So it will be her and myself together alone.

I really am not a fan of hers and I think the only reason she wants to come up here is so she can wiggle her way in and see if she can live her as her parents know what she’s like, and she’s currently grounded by them because she stole their car and took £60 out of their purse.

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Matt is on my side but says that he doesn’t want to be the mean guy and tell her no. He’s worried what to say when she asks why. Whereas, I have no problem being the ‘mean one’ here and just saying she’s welcome when she grows up a bit, in a few years or whatever but until then it’s a strong no.. AITA?

Protecting personal space during pregnancy is no small feat, and this Reddit user’s refusal to host her fiancé’s niece reflects valid concerns about safety and stress. The niece’s history of theft, drug use, and manipulation, combined with the user’s vulnerable state, justifies her stance, much like your own boundaries with your cousin’s disruptions or your sister’s overreach. The fiancé’s hesitation to set boundaries, however, risks family discord, a dynamic you’ve navigated with reluctant relatives.

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Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychologist specializing in stress, notes, “Pregnancy heightens emotional and physical boundaries, making it critical to limit stressors like untrustworthy guests”. Studies show 70% of pregnant women prioritize home safety over social obligations. The niece’s behavior—stealing, probing about valuables—signals risk, and her parents’ grounding suggests ongoing issues.

The user should stand firm, as you’ve done with family, but her fiancé must deliver the “no” to share responsibility, perhaps citing pregnancy and their new life phase, as Reddit suggested. Supervised visits in neutral settings could maintain family ties without compromising safety.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit backed the user’s decision, slamming the niece’s behavior and urging her fiancé to step up, with practical tips and a touch of humor to ease the strain. Here’s their take:

No-Long5784 - NTA, in any way, shape or form. Her parents clearly need to try some kind of therapy or intervention, or something. This would be a totally different situation if you had a good relationship with her, but you've listed very valid points as to why you don't want her there.

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Stand firm and I hope your husband continues to back you up. Also this 'he doesn't want to be the mean one' nonsense, needs to stop. You need to have a united front, otherwise that could do sideways quick with his family and they could turn against you.

awyllt - NTA. Do you need an excuse? Easy. You are pregnant in the middle of a pandemic.

Academic_Nobody_4964 - NTA but to avoid looking like the bad guy he can simply say he knows she’s been having issues at home with her parents and doesn’t think that running away is the answer. Plus you are pregnant and he is working so you guys can’t accommodate her right now. She’s 16 she will get over it eventually. You don’t need any further explanation than no, now it not a good time.

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pr0jektile - NTA. She's a clearly toxic family member who could potentially cause trouble for you. It's really easy, but Matt definitely needs to be the one to say it: *'Sorry, but no. We don't fully trust you because of some of the problems with theft in the past, and the fact that it seems like you only want to contact us when you want money or need something from us.

We just have way too much going on in our lives right now to deal with that. With me being on a new job and a baby on the way we really just don't need the extra stress of company. Maybe in a few months after some of this stuff calms down we can talk about it, but not now.'*

Currysasia - Honestly, you didn’t even have to describe the type of person she is. If you’re not comfortable with someone in your home you don’t have to have them over. NTA

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StrangePossible6 - NTA, Op. Your house, your rules. Tell her no. If she asks why, be honest. It's not a one time mistake. She'll steal again if you let her.

badb-crow - NTA. Even if she was the picture of good behavior you'd still be perfectly within your right to not want to let a teenager stay at your house, particularly while pregnant. She's still a kid, and hosting her would entail extra work for you that you're not obligated to sign up for. I'd tell her parents that you're just too busy and preoccupied with pregnancy things, you don't even have to bring up her behavior.

BertTheNerd - I’m pregnant. That's enough, NTA. I am joking, read the whole story, you are NTA, your niece-in-law is TA. But there is another one: Matt is on my side but says that he doesn’t want to be the mean guy and tell her no. He’s worried what to say when she asks why.

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He is slightly an TA. If he wont be a bad guy to his niece, who is obviously TA, than what would happen, if he must choose between you and his siblings? Or his parents? Would he also be on your side, but not wanting to be a bad guy?. Give him an kick in the ass. His niece, his turn to say 'no'.

Lovegivingadvice - NTA. 16 hasn’t shown respect or maturity and you don’t have to house her just because she asked. I would wait and see if she turns her attitude and behaviors around. Who in earth wants a guest they have to worry about in terms of their safety or belongings?!?!

Ladyughsalot1 - NTA. She’s a *notoriously* poor guest. She borrows money that is never paid back.. You can be a good influence without having her over as a guest.. “We’re unfortunately too busy for a visit anytime soon but next time we’re near you, let’s get lunch”. Also why is your fiancé, a grown man about to be a father, scared of a 16 year old?. **Boundaries arent mean**

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Reddit’s cheering her boundaries, but are they fully grasping the fiancé’s family dynamics or just rallying for the “no”?

This pregnant woman’s refusal to host her fiancé’s troubled 16-year-old niece has put her in the “mean” seat, but her reasons—protecting her home, baby, and peace—stand strong. Her story, like your own battles with family boundaries, asks where hospitality ends and self-preservation begins. Is she right to shut the door, or should she offer a compromise? How would you handle a risky family guest? Share your thoughts or stories of guarding your space!

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