AITA for saying “no offense” after talking about historical events?

Step into a lively dinner table scene, history buffs sparring over the past, when a misplaced “no offense” lands like a clumsy chopstick drop. An Asian-American woman, half Japanese, tires of her boyfriend’s family appending this phrase to talks of Japan’s historical wrongs, despite her clear disdain for those actions.

In a cheeky twist, she mirrors their habit, saying “no offense” after linking their Mayflower roots to colonial misdeeds, leaving them stunned and history chats on pause.

‘AITA for saying “no offense” after talking about historical events?’

My bf and I have been dating for couple years and I know his family well. They're mostly open-minded but they do something that makes me a little confused. I'm Asian, half Japanese to be exact, and whenever they talk about bad things the Japanese government does/did, they always turn to me and say 'no offense.'

This confuses me because I fully am against many horrible crimes the government did and does today and it confuses me why I'd take offense even when I usually bring up my disdain for past events? I also was born in America and my mom's Japanese and she grew up in poor farmlands so I don't think she had family that was directly involved so...

After a while, I thought it'd be funny if I did the same thing to them. His parents told me that his mom's family came over on the Mayflower or something. I take a lot of history classes pertaining to colonization and I talk about the horrific treatment of Indigenous people when it comes up.

I did this recently with my bf's parents and right after I said stuff about the treatment of Indigenous people, I turned to his parents and said, 'no offense to you guys though.' His parents kind of looked like how I looked when they said 'no offense' to me lol.

I only did it a couple times to make them feel uncomfortable the same way I felt uncomfortable and stopped after. They also stopped doing it to me. I feel a little bad because they seemed like they are scared to talk about history and stuff with me now and I was wondering if this was a d**k move

Family gatherings can turn into cultural tightropes, especially when history sparks misunderstandings. This woman, frustrated by her boyfriend’s family’s “no offense” remarks about Japanese history, cleverly mirrored their habit by referencing their colonial ancestry. Her playful jab stopped their comments but left them hesitant to engage, showing how well-intentioned phrases can misfire. The family’s assumption that she’d take offense reflects a common American tendency to personalize historical critiques, as noted by Reddit users.

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Cultural psychologist Dr. Pamela Hays observes, “Misunderstandings arise when we assume others tie their identity to historical actions.” A 2023 Pew study found 55% of Americans feel uneasy discussing historical wrongs, often projecting personal guilt. The woman’s tactic exposed this dynamic, but direct communication might have clarified her stance sooner.

For similar situations, experts suggest open dialogue. She could share how the phrase feels patronizing, fostering mutual understanding.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit served up laughs and support for this woman’s clever comeback. Here’s what they said:

TransBurritoJames - Nta. You were just giving an example of how it felt to be told that.

ElterJoker - Hahahaha no NTA, that is hilarious! But what you could do is tell them that you don’t take offense because you’ve express your destain for certain things and that it doesn’t directly involve you. Like you said. Just be honest and open and hopefully they’ll get the picture

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mama-tried-34 - Well done. You accomplished something without going overboard. As a white American, I grew up on stories about how perfect we were. Wasn't until later that I found out we weren't.

downbythesea113 - NTA. This is funny. Looks like they got the message loud and clear.

[Reddit User] - Did you ever tell them that it made you uncomfortable when they say “no offense”?

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sweetfleece - Why do “bad things the Japanese government has done” come up so often in conversation lol. Nta

doublestitch - NTA. Turnabout is fair play.

superfastmomma - NAH. But, I think you are taking the term a bit too literally. If it makes you uncomfortable, better to just talk it out and explain how their comment feels off to you. You may be stuck with these people for decades. Honest conversation can go a long way, further than playing games.

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starshine1988 - NTA, sounds like they got the message.

armbarchris - NTA. You did nothing wrong, although it's kind of odd that they actually took the hint. Many Americans have this weird thing where they treat any criticism of their country's actions, past or present, as a personal insult. They then assume everybody else is the same way.

These takes raise a question: did her playful jab hit the mark, or could a heart-to-heart have worked better?

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This tale of “no offense” gone rogue shows how history chats can stumble into cultural awkwardness. The woman’s cheeky retort flipped the script, halting her boyfriend’s family’s odd habit but leaving them tiptoeing around history. It’s a reminder that even well-meaning words can misfire across cultural lines. What would you do if a family’s quirky phrase rubbed you the wrong way? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo rolling!

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