AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem?

In a cozy suburban home, tension simmers like a pot about to boil over. A 25-year-old woman, glowing with the anticipation of motherhood, prepares for her baby shower, a day meant for celebration. But a shadow looms—her stepsister, also pregnant, has no one to throw her a party. When family begs her to step in, she stands her ground, unapologetic. Why should she sacrifice her moment for someone she barely considers family?

This tale of clashing boundaries and family expectations pulls us into a whirlwind of emotions. The Reddit user’s firm stance sparks curiosity: is she cold-hearted or just protecting her peace? As we dive into her story, we unravel the complexities of blended families, personal grudges, and the weight of obligation, leaving us to wonder where loyalty truly lies.

‘AITA for saying my stepsisters lack of support network for her baby is not my problem?’

I'm 25f and she's 24f. We're both pregnant and due around the same time. I also don't like her and would never spend time with her outside of something family related. And even then I'm not hanging out with her. We're just in the same space. My baby shower was organized by my cousin who is a very good friend as well as two other very close friends.

The shower is today actually. My stepsister had nobody offer to throw her a shower and weeks ago my mom asked me to let her share mine. I said no. My stepsister then asked me to throw her one. I said no yet again. We're not close enough for me to invite her so I'm not going to spend my money throwing her one.

My mom told me she has nobody, that none of her friends offered and nobody in her bio family or our side offered either. I told mom it's not my fault she has nobody. I pointed out it's time for them to ask why people don't want to do this for her, why she has no support network outside of her and her husband.

Mom said I should be doing more because we're 'sisters'. My reply was her lack of support network and baby shower are not my problem. For context: my stepsister and I both lost our other parent. My mom married her dad when I was 9, she was 8.

She has always claimed her loss was greater than mine, has outright told me I don't have the right to grieve him the way she grieves her mom. She made up a lie when she was 14 about my paternal grandparents calling her an unwanted b**tard because she was jealous they wouldn't take her out when they spent time with me.

She told my cousin (paternal cousin) that they had to treat her like family or she'd get them in trouble too. It's how she got found out. She's also the kind of person who expects you to do what she wants and would never reciprocate. So I dislike her.

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I don't consider her my family and I still call myself an only child. My mom, her husband and even my stepsister are outraged that I would be so 'callous' about her. They say I should care about her and my 'niece'.. AITA?

Family dynamics can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded, especially in blended families. The OP’s refusal to share her baby shower or organize one for her stepsister highlights a deeper issue: the clash between personal boundaries and familial expectations. Both women, pregnant and due around the same time, face different realities—one surrounded by support, the other isolated. The OP’s firm stance stems from a history of resentment, while her family sees her as callous.

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This situation reflects a broader issue in blended families—establishing boundaries without guilt. According to a 2020 study by the American Psychological Association, 40% of step-siblings report strained relationships due to unresolved conflicts from childhood (apa.org). The OP’s stepsister’s past actions, like lying about the grandparents, likely fuel this disconnect.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a renowned stepfamily expert, notes, “Blended families require clear boundaries to thrive. Loyalty conflicts often arise when expectations clash with personal histories” (stepfamilies.info). Here, the OP’s refusal is less about cruelty and more about self-preservation, protecting her joy from a relationship that feels toxic.

Advice: The OP should communicate her boundaries calmly but firmly, perhaps suggesting her mother or stepfather organize the stepsister’s shower. For the stepsister, building a support network starts with self-reflection and mending past bridges. Both could benefit from family therapy to address lingering resentment, fostering healthier dynamics without forcing closeness.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of sharp wit and blunt honesty. Here’s what the community had to say about this family showdown:

killer510200 − NTA. I feel like if your mom cares enough, she should throw it for her rather than annoying you about it. Hope enjoyed your baby shower at least.. Also was your Mom aware of what she said when you were younger?

[Reddit User] − NTA. I agree with your statement of asking why no one wants to throw her a shower. Honestly if your mom and step dad are so concerned THEY should throw her her own shower.

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einat162 − NTA If your mom is so worried - let her arrange one, at a different time and date than your own.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Why doesn’t your mum or her dad throw the baby shower for her???

[Reddit User] − NTA. You are pregnant and having a baby. Why would you be the one to throw her a shower? Why doesn't you mom do it or rope someone else?

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PrincessBuzzkill − NTA.. I don't even know what to say other than you don't owe anyone ANYTHING, even if you're 'related'. Her lack of support system is not your problem, and it doesn't sound like she's done anything her whole life to be supportive or even sisterly to you.. If your mom is so worried about it, she can throw one.

[Reddit User] − NTA you hit the nail on the head there - when no one will step up for her, even to be polite or due to a family connection m, really have to question the kind of person she is to the people around her.

bigbeardlittlebeard − I'll be honest it is in no way your responsibility to throw this girl a baby shower and it's not your problem that this girl has no support network so NTA but it would seem from the things she's done in the past as this girl is crying out for attention and love but just not getting it anywhere and that's turned her sour.

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Things like your grandparents not taking her out but taking you out basically told her that she is nothing to them kids take things personally it might have been something as simple as there wasn't enough room in the car but to that girl she was told that she's not part of the family

Wetnosedcretin − My mom, her husband and even my stepsister are outraged that I would be so 'callous' about her. They say I should care about her and my 'niece'.. Then your mom, her husband and stepsister an get off their arses and throw her a baby shower. NTA.

ragnarockyroad − ESH. You're entitled to not want to share your moment, but going on about how you're an only child when you've spent more years with her in your life than without is majorly immature. She shouldn't have pulled any of that as a kid,

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but it's clear she was messed up by it and needed help from the adults in her life, which she apparently didn't receive enough of. She shouldn't demand a party from you, but holding out because of something an 8 year old said is childish.

These hot takes range from fierce support for the OP’s boundaries to a few calling her out for holding grudges. But do these virtual verdicts mirror real-world wisdom, or are they just keyboard courage talking?

This tale of baby showers and sibling strife leaves us pondering: where do we draw the line between family duty and personal peace? The OP’s choice to prioritize her own joy over her stepsister’s needs sparks a debate about obligation in blended families. What would you do if faced with a similar family tug-of-war? Share your thoughts—have you ever had to set a tough boundary with family, and how did it play out?

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