AITA for saying my husbands Babymomma can’t be at our house when I’m not home?

Picture this: you walk into your cozy living room, expecting a warm welcome from your infant daughter and maybe a quick chat with your mother-in-law, only to find your husband’s ex lounging in your favorite recliner, shooting you side-eye like she owns the place. For one 22-year-old woman, this wasn’t a sitcom scene but a jarring reality. Caught between her husband’s complicated co-parenting ties and her own need for respect, she’s wrestling with a question that’s got Reddit buzzing: is she wrong to demand boundaries?

The tension simmers in a blended family where loyalties blur and unspoken rules reign. With her husband shrugging off the issue and her mother-in-law playing matchmaker for the ex, our protagonist feels like an outsider in her own home. It’s a story that tugs at the heartstrings, blending frustration, loyalty, and the messy beauty of modern families. Let’s dive into her tale and see where the lines should be drawn.

‘AITA for saying my husbands Babymomma can’t be at our house when I’m not home?’

So I (22F) and my husband (25M) live together and have for about a year. My husband is the father to his ex's child (the child is not biologicaly his but he is the only father figure in their life). Him and his ex broke up years ago. Let's call her Ashley. Ashley doesn't seem to like me very much. My husband hates her. I try and be neutral but I flipped the other day.

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My MIL was watching my three months old daughter and when I came home I found Ashley sitting on my recliner. I was pissed but didn't say anything, and acted normal. She ignored me like usaual and just shot me dirty looks. My stepchild was there hanging out with their baby sister so I guess it was alright. My MIL was there as well.

Ashley is super close to my MIL, like weirdly close. Like get over it and move on please, close. She doesn't drive and my MIL takes her everwhere so it shouldn't have been such a surprise. But it was and that is the issue. My husband wasn't informed and I wasn't informed.

My husband thinks we should drop it but I don't want to. I know that he feels nothing for her but she came over with my MIL the other day while I was at work and my husband was home. It made me super uncomfortable.

I've never had issues when them coparenting, doctors apts, birthday parties, ECT, normally I'm invited anyway. But this is different it felt like she deliberately waited until I was gone to come over. So AITA for not wanting my husbands BabyMomma in my house? 

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Navigating a blended family can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield of emotions and expectations. For this young wife, the unexpected presence of her husband’s ex, Ashley, in her home highlights a classic boundary issue. The wife’s discomfort stems from a lack of communication and respect, while Ashley’s bold visits—enabled by the mother-in-law—suggest a power play. Both sides have valid feelings: the wife craves control over her space, while Ashley may feel entitled due to her child’s bond with the family.

This situation reflects a broader issue: blended families often struggle with boundaries. According to a 2019 study by the Pew Research Center, 16% of U.S. children live in blended families, and conflicts over roles are common. Clear communication is key, yet it’s often missing here. The husband’s passive stance only fuels the tension, leaving his wife feeling sidelined.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Boundaries are essential for trust. Without them, resentment builds, eroding connection”. In this case, Ashley’s uninvited visits breach the wife’s trust, while the mother-in-law’s involvement complicates matters. Gottman’s insight suggests the wife’s reaction is justified—she’s protecting her emotional safety.

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The husband must step up to clarify roles, or risk deeper conflict. To move forward, the couple should set firm rules: no unannounced visits, and the mother-in-law’s role as babysitter needs reevaluation. Open dialogue, perhaps with a family therapist, can help align expectations.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community rallied around the wife’s story, offering a chorus of support and sharp insights. Most agreed that Ashley’s uninvited visits were a bold overstep, with many pointing to the mother-in-law’s role as the real catalyst. The husband’s reluctance to act drew scrutiny, as users emphasized that homes should be sacred spaces, not open to exes without consent.

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While some acknowledged the child’s tie to the family as a factor, the prevailing view was that respect must come first. The mother-in-law’s cozy bond with Ashley raised eyebrows, with users urging the wife to set firm boundaries. These opinions capture the heart of the issue: in blended families, clear rules are vital to maintain peace and protect personal space.

Agitated-Buddy2913 − NTA. This is all weird. Set a boundary. He is not the baby's father and the baby isn't that old. He really should have extracted himself from the life immediately. His mom is trying to get him back with Ashley.

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If his mom won't distance herself from Ashley, then you need to distance yourself from the mother and from Ashley. If your husband won't do it you need to distance yourself from him. That's the bottom line.

Mom2rats47 − First stop referring to her as my husband’s baby momma. She’s not. She is the mother of a child that your husband is a father figure to. If they were not married and he did not adopt the child then there is absolutely no ties there especially since he “hates her”. Boundaries need to be made! By him. By you. With your MIL, the child and with the ex. Sounds like Ashley still wants to be part of the family.. And you’re NTA

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Alone-Firefighter283 − This seems a bit strange. They broke up years ago and the child is only 5 so why does your husband play such an important role in the child’s life. How old was the child when he left?

Queasy_Beyond2436 − This sounds like a MIL problem, so it should be your partner's responsibility. He should set the boundary with his mom as to whom she can bring to your house. However, if you want free babysitting from grandma, you may need to compromise.

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slendermanismydad − This is not going to work out for anyone in the long term. 

Capable-Pressure1047 − That child's biological father needs to step up to the plate, not your husband. As your family grows, this is going to get even more weird and complicated. 

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The two of you need to have a very serious discussion - as long as your husband plays ' Daddy' to this child, Ashley is not going to leave him alone. Do you really want her as the third partner in your marriage? Take off the blinders and look at the sea of red flags in front of you.

ElleArr26 − NTA and I think she shouldn’t be allowed at all until she treats you with respect in your own home.

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Rendeane − If you husband truly 'hates her,' why is she in your home? He does not hate her enough to tell his mother not to bring her or her child into his home.. Do you have genetic proof that he is not the child's father? Co-parenting, attending doctor's appointments and birthday parties is NOT NORMAL between people who 'hate' one another.

Does Ashley's child have medical problems? Were you brought in and impregnated just to provide future donor material or to be a caregiver for the older child?. Ashley and MIL are awfully comfortable in your home. Your husband is awfully passive.. I think they are all lying to you.

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Dramatic_Lie_7492 − When they broke up years ago and the child in question is now 5, they were a baby when they broke up? How does your husband justify to stay in a baby's life after a bad breakup. Why are you doing this.

Frecklefacemom319 − How dare your MIL bring the ex into your home without asking. Totally disrespectful

This tale of uninvited exes and tangled family ties reminds us that homes are meant to be sanctuaries, not stages for drama. The wife’s stand for respect is a bold step, but it hinges on open communication and unwavering boundaries. How would you navigate a partner’s past lingering in your present? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this conversation flowing!

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