AITA for Saying My Friend’s Boyfriend Boundary Is Ridiculous?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A simple chat between friends turned explosive when an 18-year-old questioned her friend’s demand that her boyfriend stop kissing his mother on the cheek, labeling it “cheating.” Calling the boundary controlling and absurd, she faced her friend’s fury and accusations of siding with “abusers,” unraveling their bond and sparking rumors.

This isn’t just about a kiss—it’s a story of clashing views on boundaries and loyalty. The narrative pulls us into a fiery friendship fallout, raising questions about when honesty crosses the line and what boundaries really mean.

‘My (F18) friend (F20) came to me for advice about her boyfriend (M21) violating her boundaries, but I think her “boundaries” are ridiculous. Now she’s mad at me for saying that. Am I wrong for disagreeing with her?’

Basically, my friend Tanisha (F20)

Tanisha then came to me saying how she feels

Boundaries are *not* a trump card you can play when you feel like it, and he's not an abuser or even an a**hole for declining to respect it. He has every right to decline to comply and it is unreasonable to demand he change how he shows platonic affection to his own mother for her comfort.

No boundary is impenetrable to being questioned and the best ones are ones that are reasonable, respectful of both parties, and are done with as much personal accountability as possible. She then goes that no normal person cares about any of that and tells me he either respects it or she dumps him.

I was really tired and agitated this day so I regret saying this, but I said

I feel like I'm right but she and some of her friends argued with me that I'm

Boundaries are supposed to be only about what YOU will do when faced with unwanted behavior, not what you hope other people will do. But they were mad and wouldn't listen and are now ignoring me and spreading rumors that I side with abusers.. Am I wrong?

An 18-year-old’s blunt critique of her friend Tanisha’s “boundary”—that her boyfriend Maron’s cheek kisses to his mother are cheating—was a bold call-out of controlling behavior, though her delivery fueled conflict. Tanisha’s demand isn’t a boundary but an attempt to dictate Maron’s familial affection, rooted in insecurity or possessiveness.

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True boundaries define personal actions (e.g., “I’ll leave if disrespected”), not others’ behavior, as the teen correctly noted. Tanisha’s escalation, labeling Maron “abusive” and rallying friends against the teen, suggests deeper issues, possibly jealousy or mistrust.

Misused boundaries strain relationships: a 2023 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study found 25% of young adults confuse control with boundary-setting, often alienating partners or friends. Relationship therapist Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab explains, “Boundaries protect your well-being, not control others’ actions”.

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The teen should apologize for her harsh tone but stand firm on her perspective, suggesting Tanisha seek therapy for insecurity. If rumors persist, disengaging from the friend group may be healthiest. She’s not wrong—her friend’s rule is unreasonable, but tact could’ve softened the blow.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit unanimously backed the teen, declaring her NTA for calling Tanisha’s boundary ridiculous, labeling it controlling and manipulative rather than a legitimate boundary. They criticized Tanisha’s claim that kissing her boyfriend’s mother is cheating as irrational, with some questioning her mental health or suggesting she’s unfit for relationships.

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Many praised the teen’s clarity on boundaries versus control, urging her to share the post with Tanisha to highlight the consensus. Commenters recommended distancing from Tanisha and her friends, warning that her behavior could escalate, and encouraged Maron to end the relationship for his own well-being.

littlescreechyowl − A real friend tells their friend when they are being ridiculous. Good for you, she’s bananas.

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U_Wont_Remember_Me − The difference between defining a boundary and being a controlling POS is shown right here.. Will he be “allowed” to talk to his female colleagues next?

Glittering_knave − Boundary: something I will or will not do. Example: I will not kiss a smoker Control: dictating what someone else can or cannot do. Example: you can't eat fish because I don't like the smell.. Tanisha is controlling, not setting a boundary.

Sailor_Chibi − Tanisha is a f**king i**ot. She should break up with Maron. Dude deserves better.

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FachelRox22 − Your friend thinks that her bf kissing his mother's cheek as a sign of affection is...cheating??? Ummm, what the actual f**k is wrong with her? You are not wrong, and honestly, I would distance yourself from this level of crazy and the people defending her. Like, I'm so concerned about this girl's mental health if she thinks this is a normal thought process.

grayblue_grrl − I hope Maron realizes that she's insane, controlling and probably dangerous if pushed too far.. You might want to rethink the friendship.

BobTheInept − Drop Tanisha from your life, obviously. That’s it, that’s the post, as the saying goes, but I want to take a parting shot at her: She is suffering from big word-itis, like an alt-right person’s idea of a millennial. She is not upset, she feels violated. She doesn’t dislike something, it’s her boundaries.

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If he doesn’t immediately agree to her boundaries, he is controlling, and abusive. Obvious that she doesn’t know what any of those words mean; in her world, someone has to be the abuser in any relationship: Either you have to agree blindly to whatever is presented as a boundary (be controlled) or if you don’t, you are controlling.

MNConcerto − Not wrong, your friend's boundary is ridiculous.. Kissing a mother on the cheek is normal behavior.

P1ckl3R1ck-31 − I read the first line. Your friend is nuts

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InvisibleBlueRobot − Not wrong.. Your friend is an I**ot and everything you said was correct.. She is aggressively controlling and even worse She's manipulative and acting like a victim.. This dude (her BF) needs to unload her and move on.. She has issues she needs to resolve before she can be in a relationship.. Share this post with her. Let her read the comments.

This wasn’t just about a boundary—it was about a teen’s courage to call out her friend’s controlling behavior, even at the cost of their friendship. Her clash with Tanisha over a misguided rule reveals the fine line between honesty and tact.

As she navigates the fallout, it’s a reminder that true friends challenge each other with care, not ultimatums. How do you balance truth and kindness with friends? Share your story—what’s your key to keeping friendships real?

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