AITA for saying my dad’s wife is not a parent when asked about listing her as Mother of The Bride at my wedding?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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Wedding plans are meant to sparkle with joy, but for one 25-year-old bride-to-be, a digital program ignited a family firestorm. Orphaned at three weeks old when her mother died, she and her brother were raised solo by a devoted dad who later married Jane when the bride was 20. Jane, eager to play “mom,” pushed for the title of “Mother of the Bride” in the wedding program, but the bride shut it down, declaring Jane no parent of hers.

Jane’s hurt feelings and a family plea to “keep the peace” have left the bride questioning her stance. With a history of Jane overstepping—echoed by a former stepson’s warning—this clash is more than a program note; it’s a battle over boundaries and identity. Was the bride’s blunt refusal a fair defense of truth, or a harsh snub to her dad’s wife? Step into this wedding-day dilemma and weigh in.

‘AITA for saying my dad’s wife is not a parent when asked about listing her as Mother of The Bride at my wedding?’

I (25f) am getting married in a few months and my fiance and I have a digital program guests are going to get beforehand. This is where the trouble comes in. My dad married Jane 5 years ago. So I was 20, out of the house, and definitely not looking for mommy 2.0.

My mom died when I was 3 weeks old and my brother was 2. Dad didn't want to date for a long time, he wanted to focus on us and give us a good childhood without the complications that stepfamilies can bring. He did a f**king amazing job with us too and gave us the best childhood he could under the circumstances.

Jane was always a little bit odd. She acted like my brother and I were toddlers when we first got to know her. I remember her saying how she had always wanted to be a mom and couldn't wait for her relationship with me and my brother to grow into that.

My brother pointed out we were both adults and she said but we'd come home for summers, etc. Once she actually married dad she started talking about 'her two kids'. A year into their marriage I was contacted by someone who was her former stepson.

Seems her first marriage ended because she tried to push him to let her be his mom, and his dad finally had enough. My dad hadn't known about this and told her that we were adults and did not need a mom and that she needed to accept that.

She said she did. She has said things over the years that have made me think she's not okay with that but lives with the hope that we'll change our minds one day. Then the wedding program came up. We had the wording parents of the groom

and late mother of the bride (mom's name) + father of the bride and wife, Jane. Jane said she didn't like how the program othered her and she should be listed as a parent not just as a spouse of the parent. I told her she wasn't a parent to me and I wasn't going to pretend that she was.

She's not happy with me. My aunt on my dad's side asked could I not just do it to keep the peace, since dad is finally with someone again and the marriage doesn't need any trouble.. AITA?

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Wedding programs seem like small details, but they can unearth deep family fault lines. The bride’s refusal to list Jane as “Mother of the Bride” isn’t just about wording—it’s a stand against a stepmother’s persistent push to redefine their bond. Jane’s desire to be a mom, while heartfelt, ignores the bride’s reality: she was an adult when Jane arrived, with no need for a new parent. Jane’s history with a former stepson suggests a pattern of overstepping that’s hard to ignore.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes, “Stepparents who push for parental roles with adult stepchildren often create resentment, not closeness”. A 2022 survey found 55% of adult stepchildren prefer clear boundaries with stepparents. Jane’s insistence, despite the bride’s and her father’s clarity, risks alienating her further. The aunt’s “keep the peace” plea, while well-meaning, dismisses the bride’s autonomy.

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This reflects a broader issue: stepparents must respect existing family narratives. Jane’s hope for a maternal role doesn’t trump the bride’s truth. Dr. Papernow suggests stepparents “build trust gradually, not demand titles.” The bride could calmly reiterate her stance to Jane, emphasizing respect for her as dad’s wife, not a parent. A family therapist might help navigate ongoing tensions.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s crowd didn’t mince words, rallying behind the bride with sharp insights and a touch of sass. Here’s what they had to say:

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tatasz − NTA. Any sane adult sees what you see. It's a her problem, and she should get therapy and stop bugging you to keep the peace.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I would have told Jane that if she's not happy with her place in the program, she can always be taken out of the program all together.

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jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj − NTA The real problem is that she has always been pushing this issue, in this relationship and the one before this, not accepting how her SO's children choose to relate to her. This is not a matter of giving in to offer a small politeness that will be understood for what it is and then let go of.

Giving in to her in regard to such an important event will just set the stage for her to escalate and fight to keep the status she will insist you have already granted her in front of the whole family. Don't make a rod for your own back.

[Reddit User] − NTA - give a mouse a cookie, and they will ask for a glass of milk

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TemptingPenguin369 − NTA. I'm sorry your dad didn't notice this before he married her, but considering this behavior caused her first marriage to end, I can't see this working well for him. She's completely unreasonable in pretending that she has a maternal role to play here. Do your program the way you want (and keep an eye on her at the wedding when she's misleading your guests).

000-Hotaru_Tomoe − NTA. Jane is not your mother, you barely know her, so she isn't entitled to be called 'mom' by you. Not at your wedding, not in your daily life. Even if Jane is devoid of malice,

she seems a bit off to be honest, given also her past with stepson. Maybe a past trauma, perhaps the desire for motherhood that never materialized.... but whatever it is, it's certainly not your problem to solve.

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stophittingthyself − NTA. Tell your dad to stop burying his head in the sand and see that his wife needs professional help. That this problem isn't going to go away what happens at your wedding. They need to be a reasonable

and responsible adults and finally get her help to deal with the grief of not being a mother. As you are not a professional, you can't help her or bear the responsibility. You wish them good luck!

MicIsOn − NTA. She really does sound a little loopy though

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bothsidesofthemoon − NTA. This seems more like a statement of fact than pushing her away. A mother or father is someone who raised you, and could be biological, step-parent, or adoptive. However, in her case, she married your dad when you and your brother were adults and had already moved out of the family home.

If you choose to, you could completely embrace her as family, you could grow to love her, and become her best friend for life. It wouldn't change what relationship she has to you: your dad's wife. You are two individuals who met as adults.

She played no part in raising you. She isn't your mother, and never will be no matter how close you become. She needs to accept this if she wants to form any kind of relationship with you. Her trying to force something that isn't there for you is what will make her feel left out.

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Limerase − NTA. It's not keeping the peace, it's being a doormat, and you are not a doormat. You're the bride. If she doesn't like it, the other option should be that she isn't listed at all.

These Reddit takes are fierce, but do they capture the full nuance of this stepfamily standoff? Or is there room for compromise?

This wedding tale weaves a thorny thread of loyalty, loss, and family roles. The bride’s refusal to call Jane her mom was a raw defense of her reality, but it stung a stepmother craving connection. Was she right to stand firm, or could a softer touch have eased the strain? How do you navigate stepparents who overreach, especially on your big day? Share your stories or advice—what’s the best way to honor your truth without sparking a family feud?

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