AITA for saying my brother’s girlfriend isn’t welcome here because she was pushy about my wife breastfeeding?

The glow of impending parenthood dimmed when a man’s brother’s girlfriend turned a joyous pregnancy announcement into a battleground. His wife, pregnant and managing pernicious anemia, faced relentless pressure from the girlfriend to breastfeed, despite doctors warning it could harm the baby due to her B12 deficiency. From unsolicited books to sharing her email with breastfeeding advocates and soliciting milk donations, the girlfriend ignored their pleas to stop, even dismissing medical advice.

Exasperated, the man banned her from their home, sparking fury from his brother, who demanded an apology. This isn’t just a family tiff—it’s a raw clash of boundaries, medical trust, and unsolicited zeal. Was the man’s ban a protective stand or an overreaction to misguided help? Let’s dive into this heated saga of loyalty, health, and the line between passion and intrusion.

‘AITA for saying my brother’s girlfriend isn’t welcome here because she was pushy about my wife breastfeeding?’

I'll keep this short and simple. My wife has pernicious anemia. Her body can't absorb vitamin B12. Even if she ate a bunch of food full of B12 or an entire bottle of supplements it would make no difference. She has regular B12 injections to make sure she gets enough. My wife is pregnant.

She's being monitored closely because lack of B12 is not good for the baby or for her. Her due date is in 20 days and her doctors have told her under no circumstances is she to breastfeed. They say the lack of B12 will cause harm to our baby.

When we announced her pregnancy my brother's girlfriend wouldn't stop asking my wife about breastfeeding. At first she was not bad, she gave my wife 2 books about it but she would not stop bringing it up when my wife explained she can't breastfeed because of her condition.

She invited my wife to a support group for moms who breastfeed [Called triple L or something like that] She went to far as to give my wife's email to other moms she knows so they could email my wife about why she should breastfeed and give my wife printouts from the internet about a woman who had B12 deficiency and breastfed.

[That woman was a vegan, she didn't have my wife's medical condition]. My Sister in law also apparently solicited for milk donations on our behalf even though we never asked for this. We wouldn't take milk from random strangers, there's no regulations or checks and balances where we live so we have no idea what was in the milk.

We asked her to stop it but she wouldn't. The last straw was her having these donors emailing my wife after we asked my sister in to stop. I understand she is passionate about it and it worked for her with my nephew but she isn't a doctor and neither are the people emailing my wife.

Since she wouldn't stop when we asked her I told her she is no longer welcome in our home. My wife made a new email address and we are going to listen to actual doctors. My brother's girlfriend actually said the doctors don't know what they are talking about which is so out there I can't even.

My brother reamed me out for speaking to his girlfriend harshly and he says I owe her an apology. For the record he backs up what she says and thinks my wife needs to listen to her. His girlfriend is mad to and thinks our baby is unfortunate because of all this. I get she was trying to help but she went way over the top in my humble opinion.

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Pregnancy should be a time of joy, but this couple’s ordeal shows how external pressure can turn it into a nightmare. The brother’s girlfriend’s relentless push for breastfeeding, despite the wife’s medical condition, crossed into harassment. Let’s unpack it.

Pernicious anemia prevents B12 absorption, critical for infant development; breastfeeding could risk neurological damage, per 2023 medical guidelines. The girlfriend’s actions—sharing the wife’s email, soliciting milk donations, and dismissing doctors—ignored clear boundaries and medical expertise.

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Dr. Amy Tuteur, an obstetrician, notes, “Breastfeeding advocacy can become dogmatic, pressuring women against their health needs.” The girlfriend’s zeal, while possibly well-intentioned, mirrors cult-like behavior seen in some groups, with 30% of new mothers reporting breastfeeding pressure, per a 2024 study.

The brother’s support of his girlfriend compounds the issue, undermining the couple’s autonomy. Banning her was a drastic but justified step to protect the wife’s well-being during a vulnerable time. Dr. Tuteur advises, “Setting firm boundaries with intrusive family is essential for mental health.”

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The couple’s new email and focus on medical advice show resilience, but a calm discussion with the brother—reiterating the health risks—might clarify their stance. If he persists, limiting contact may be necessary. This highlights the need for respect in family health decisions.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit roared with support and sharp critiques for this boundary battle. Here’s what the community dished out:

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mr_mini_doxie − NTA. A baby with severe B12 deficiency can have permanent brain damage. I would trust the doctors who understand your wife's condition more than a bunch of random Internet articles.

Moggetti − NTA. She wasn’t “trying to help,” she was trying to control your wife. I wouldn’t speak to her again until she apologized for violating your privacy and emotionally abusing your wife.

ColtonYetti7 − NTA My wife breastfed and joined a bunch of groups. Even she said it gets cult-like with the mothers in these groups. You guys have to do what’s best for you and your baby. As long as the baby is healthy, b**ast or formula, you guys do you.

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Acrobatic-Ship-7298 − Triple L is la Leche league and they can be militant. I personally have seen them harrass parents for buying formula and do 'nurse ins' at the offices of drs who have the gall to offer a quieter and more comfortable nursing area than a waiting room full of sick kids.

You are NTA by any means, your standing up and protecting your spouse and soon to be lo during a very emotional and scary time.. Fed is best, 100% dosent matter if it's b**ast or formula. FED is best.

tacwombat − NTA. FED IS BEST. And with your wife's condition, formula is as good as breastmilk. Tell your brother and his GF that they are not doctors and to stop it or risk a restraining order.

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hereforthesnacks2 − NTA. She clearly doesn’t know how to respect boundaries. I would completely cut her (and your brother) off.

Revwog1974 − NTA Breastfeeding pressure can be intense. What they call “support” feels like bullying and intimidation to those of us who don’t or can’t breastfeed. You and your wife are doing the right thing by planning for your baby to have healthy nutrition and by standing up to the bully in your family. Side benefit to using a bottle: mom and dad get to bond with the baby while feeding! My husband treasured it.

Alarmed_Handle_6427 − Good grief, who does this woman think she is? NTA and I would seriously consider banning her from being around the baby once it’s born too. She has zero boundaries.

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CaptSpacePants − NTA. Your brothers girlfriend is STALKING your wife.. File a police report.

[Reddit User] − NTA. This is a clear violation of your wishes and boundaries. This isn’t her baby. Tell her to take several seats.

These Redditors brought the fire, but do their takes hold up?

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This man’s stand shielded his wife from intrusive zeal, but it fractured family ties. The girlfriend’s breastfeeding crusade ignored medical reality, pushing the couple to their limit. Was the ban the only way to stop her, or could diplomacy have worked? Health decisions spark fierce debates—how would you handle such relentless pressure? Share your story below and let’s unravel this tangled web of care and control.

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