AITA for saying my brother ruined his own life and it’s no one else’s problem but his?

Weddings are meant to spark joy, but for one family, they’ve ignited a firestorm. A young man, set to usher at his cousin’s out-of-state wedding, finds himself caught in a family feud when his brother—barred from leaving the state due to legal troubles—can’t attend. The couple chose the venue to accommodate two elderly relatives, but the man’s parents and aunt demand a change, prioritizing his brother over 90-year-olds who can’t travel.

When he snaps that his brother’s troubles are self-inflicted, the family erupts, accusing him of betrayal. This Reddit tale dives into a messy clash of loyalty, accountability, and wedding plans gone awry. Is he wrong for refusing to meddle, or is his family dodging the real issue? Let’s unpack this drama and see where the fault lies.

‘AITA for saying my brother ruined his own life and it’s no one else’s problem but his?’

Family pressure to rewrite a wedding for one person’s mistakes is a recipe for resentment. The OP’s brother, unable to attend due to legal fallout from lying about a car accident, is at the heart of this conflict. His family’s push to move the venue—ignoring the needs of elderly relatives—shifts blame from his actions to the couple’s reasonable choice. The OP’s blunt words, calling out his brother’s self-inflicted ruin, hit a nerve but reflect a harsh truth.

This scenario underscores a broader issue: enabling versus accountability in families. A 2021 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 40% of families struggle with enabling behavior, often excusing harmful actions to avoid conflict. The family’s defense of the brother risks perpetuating his avoidance of responsibility.

Psychologist Dr. John Townsend notes, “Holding adults accountable for their actions fosters growth, while shielding them stalls it”. The brother’s lie, which harmed an innocent driver, and subsequent probation violation show a pattern of poor choices. The family’s coddling doesn’t help him learn.

Advice: The OP should maintain his stance, supporting his cousin’s decision while calmly explaining to family that his brother’s consequences aren’t their burden. Virtual attendance via Zoom, as suggested by Redditors, is a fair compromise. Resources like Boundaries by Dr. Townsend can guide families on setting limits.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit brought the sass, dishing out support for the OP’s no-nonsense stance. From praising the cousin’s resolve to slamming the brother’s actions, the comments are a spicy mix of reason and shade. Here’s what the community had to say.

These Reddit takes are bold, but do they oversimplify the family’s loyalty? Is the brother a victim of circumstance, or fully accountable?

The OP’s sharp words about his brother’s self-inflicted mess cut through the family’s denial. His cousin’s wedding shouldn’t bend to accommodate one person’s mistakes, especially when elderly relatives’ needs take precedence. This story reminds us that accountability, not enabling, builds stronger families. What would you do if family tried to rewrite a wedding for someone’s bad choices? Share your thoughts—have you ever had to call out a loved one’s actions?