AITA for saying my boyfriend’s friend can’t visit us now that I’m pregnant?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine waddling through your own home, craving a moment to flop on the couch, free from the weight of a bra or the need to tiptoe around a guest. For one pregnant Reddit user, this simple dream clashed with reality when her boyfriend’s friend—a #vanlife wanderer—kept turning their house into his personal pit stop. His visits, complete with dirt trails and dish piles, pushed her patience to the brink, especially now that she’s growing a tiny human.

This isn’t just about a messy guest; it’s a tug-of-war over privacy, respect, and what it means to feel at home during pregnancy. When she asked her boyfriend to set a boundary, he called her cruel, leaving her wondering if she’s the villain or just a tired mom-to-be. Let’s unpack this messy saga and see what’s really stirring the pot.

‘AITA for saying my boyfriend’s friend can’t visit us now that I’m pregnant?’

My boyfriend has a friend who is currently doing the whole #vanlifing thing and living out of his van. The past several months, this friend has been coming by our house a couple days a week. Each time he's here, he stays around 10 to 12 hours to use the shower, kitchen, washing machine, and WiFi.

I've been unhappy with the lack of privacy and the extra work for quite a while, which my boyfriend is well aware of, but have been putting up with it because the friend is down on his luck and could use some help. However, now that I'm pregnant, I'm ready for this situation to end.

I want to be able to lay on my couch without pants, not shove my giant, tired boobs into a bra constantly, and talk about my private medical details with my partner without having to whisper about them in another room. I'm also just worn out in general, and the friend is generating so much extra work.

He comes into our home after doing construction jobs and tracks in tons of dust and dirt. Every time he showers he somehow leaves a thick coating of body hair all over the shower I have to clean up before I can shower again. After he uses the washing machine there's sticks and leaves and sand all over the laundry room.

Not only does he h** the kitchen when I want to cook meals sometimes, but he also leaves all his dirty dishes for me to deal with afterwards. Ideally, I'd have my boyfriend deal with the extra work, since he's the one who's inviting the dude over, but with his busier work schedule, most of the household work falls to me.

So to me, it's a no-brainer that the friend finds somewhere else to be for a couple months to give me some privacy and a break from the added work. However, when I brought this up to my boyfriend and told him it was time to set a boundary with the friend, he told me it was first of all, a very awkward and weird thing to ask his friend, and secondly, a cruel and insensitive thing for me to request.

e's willing to do so for me, but at the same time, is making it very clear he thinks I'm a monster for even asking him to do this. Is it actually reasonable for me to put a no-visitors rule in place for a few months or not?

Pregnancy can turn your home into a sanctuary—or a stress zone if boundaries get trampled. The Reddit user’s plea for peace pits her need for rest against her boyfriend’s loyalty to a friend. She’s craving privacy to navigate her changing body, while the friend’s visits—leaving dirt and dishes—feel like an invasion. Her boyfriend’s pushback, labeling her request as cruel, misses the mark on her very real exhaustion.

This clash reflects a broader issue: household labor often falls unevenly, especially during pregnancy. A 2021 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family found that pregnant women often take on 70% more housework than their partners, amplifying stress (https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/10.1086/717413). The user’s not just cleaning up hair and sand—she’s carrying an unfair load while growing a baby.

Relationship expert Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger, notes, “Boundaries are about self-respect, not selfishness” . Lerner’s wisdom underscores the user’s right to a comfortable space. Her request isn’t monstrous—it’s a bid for dignity. The boyfriend’s defensiveness sidesteps her needs, turning a practical issue into an emotional standoff.

A solution could start with teamwork. The boyfriend might clean up after his friend or limit visits to specific hours, ensuring the user gets her rest. Open dialogue—calmly laying out the mess and fatigue—could bridge the gap. It’s about balancing kindness to a friend with prioritizing the mother-to-be’s well-being, creating a home where everyone feels respected.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s crew jumped into this domestic dust-up like it’s a lively tailgate party, tossing out cheers and cheeky advice with equal gusto. Imagine a crowd swapping stories over a bonfire, some nodding at the user’s stand, others chuckling at the boyfriend’s blind spot. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the comments, packed with wit and a sprinkle of shade:

Prestigious_Fig7338 − It's your house and space. Friend has to find somewhere else to impose, now and after child arrives. OP, if moocher ever visits again, I'd also advise you not do ANYTHING to assist clean up, instead text a list of all that needs doing - due to moocher's dirt - to your partner, and have him do all the clean up, no matter what hours he works, because the only reason he doesn't understand the load is because he isn't carrying most of the practical task load.

lujza_blaha − INFO: Aside from the fact that the father of the baby you’re expecting called you a monster.. What’s his plan for when the baby comes?

bub-a-lub − Is he vanlifing or is he living out of his vehicle? There’s a difference. But either way a lot of places have facilities that people can utilize when choosing to life a vanlife.

NovelTeach − NTA. He has overstayed his welcome by being a horrible guest. These are just the consequences of his actions. As a grown adult, he shouldn’t even have to be asked to scrape the grime that falls off him and his clothes off the surfaces he dirties up. I’m picturing an adult Pigpen from the Peanuts comic strip, and I definitely wouldn’t have wanted him polluting the space I was trying to get ready for an infant, or have signed up to be his unpaid maid.

Historical-Hall-2246 − Great. Then your boyfriend can pick up and clean after his friend starting today. He doesn’t care about how exhausting it makes you so you can also overlook how exhausting his work schedule is. That’ll help him understand where you’re coming from. Hopefully your partner can come to his senses and realize you’re pregnant and shouldn’t be stressing or doing so much work like that anyway.

MaterialMonitor6423 − NTA. Even if he was courteous, put food in the fridge and cleaned up after himself, it would still be out of line to have what's essentially a third roommate in your space during the majority of your awake hours. This would be infuriating.

Curious-Antelope-868 − The friend should join a gym and use the showers there

kykyLLIka − NTA. Ouch. Pregnant & dealing with a spineless bf & a moocher? You can take a couple different routes, if a productive conversation cannot be had with your boyfriend. But honestly, you need to explain to the bf how fkup this is that he's making someone else a priority and not the mother of his (future)child.

- Tell your bf from now on he's responsible for cleaning up after his friend, who's only allowed for X number of hours, no more. You're not running a motel, if you were, you'd be charging. - Go about your routine as usual when the

Don't put bras on on his account. You're too hot, too tired, too sore, too hungry. DO talk about OB/ medical procedures. Heck, I'd put on a birthing documentary or something on, on full volume. Make HIM as uncomfortable as possible. You're in your own house, and he's not a welcomed guest. EDIT: typos

peony_chalk − NTA. It's your house and you deserve to be comfortable there. It's incredibly awkward and disrespectful for your girlfriend to have to clean your friend's pubes out of your shower every week, but here we are, eh?

It's cruel and insensitive for him to ask you to take on these extra tasks and to spend your time picking up after a grown man (and really ... is it just one man you're picking up after, or two? I'm betting it's two), and that hasn't stopped him yet.

And instead of working with you on some sort of compromise - limited hours, limited use of the worst mess areas, friend leaves the place pristine, boyfriend comes home early when friend is there and mops up behind him, - he jumps to telling you that *you're* in the wrong for expressing that you're not willing to keep dealing with this while you're exhausted and growing a new human? What?

I kind of love the idea of flapping your tits out and talking loudly about mucus plugs and bleeding and constipation and hemorrhoids and puking and all that jazz every time the friend is around though. He wants to invade a pregnant woman's private space? You SHARE that space with him.

mgrateez − Or maybe he could also tell his friend to be a damn adult and clean up after himself when he’s at guest at someones home?

Redditors rallied behind the user as a fed-up hero, though some teased she might be running a free motel. These takes swing from fiery support to playful jabs, proving this saga’s got everyone hooked. It’s Reddit at its best—bold, messy, and all-in.

This Reddit tale leaves us mulling over the balance between hospitality and self-care. The user’s boundary wasn’t about cruelty—it was a cry for peace in a chaotic time. Maybe she’s a champion for her space, or maybe there’s room for compromise. Either way, her story nudges us to think about our own homes and limits. What would you do if a guest overstayed their welcome—roll out the red carpet or lock the gate? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo rolling!

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