AITA for saying I won’t interact with my brother and SIL if they name their child Nora?

Imagine a wound so deep that a single name—Nora—sends shivers of panic through a young woman, still grappling with a haunting past, years in therapy to mend it. She bared her soul to her brother, her rock, who stood by her, listening, pushing for help. Now married, he and his wife, her SIL, beam with baby news, a joy she cheers—until “Nora” floats up as a name pick, simple and sweet to SIL, a trigger to her. Her brother’s gaze drops, and discomfort hangs thick.

The plot twists when SIL, uninformed of the pain, learns from him and lashes out, accusing lies and jealousy. Stung, the woman warns she’d step back if “Nora” sticks, sparking fury—SIL bans her from family. Readers, can you feel the ache of broken trust, the clash of care and trauma? Was she wrong to draw a line? Let’s unpack this tangle!

‘AITA for saying I won’t interact with my brother and SIL if they name their child Nora?’

When I was young, I went through a rather traumatic experience. I won’t get too far into detail about it, but it messed me up for years. Even now, years after it happened, I’m still seeking help to heal from it.. Obviously, this came with certain triggers. Specifically a name, Nora. I get paranoid and stressed even hearing the name.

The first person I told about what happened was my brother. I’m incredibly close with him and he was (and still is) always there for me when I needed it (would always listen to me, checked in on me, pushed for me to get help after what happened, the whole lot. This man truly deserves the worlds best brother award).

He got married in early 2020, and I get along well with his wife (my SIL). I get along with her well, but not well enough to tell her about what happened. A few months ago they announced they’re expecting a baby. I’m over-the-moon happy for them, especially since my brother has always wanted a kid. This is where the true conflict arose.

I was talking with my brother and SIL a bit ago when we got on the topic of baby names. SIL said she liked the name Nora because she thought it was simple. I looked over at my brother, who was just staring at the floor. I looked at her uncomfortably, which made her ask what the issue is.  I told her I wasn’t comfortable with discussing it with her, and after a small back and forth, she dropped it.

A few days ago, SIL called me pissed off and said I “made up a story” and “manipulated my brother” just because I don’t like the name Nora. I asked her what she meant and she said my brother told her everything that happened and that he didn’t feel comfortable naming the baby Nora if he knew I would be interacting with them and the baby because wanted to make sure I was comfortable.

This made SIL upset and claimed I was just mad because “my name isn’t as pretty” and “once the baby is born my brother won’t care to be around me as much”. I told her I didn’t care what they choose to name the baby, but if they chose the name Nora to not be shocked if I don’t interact with them as much.

Now my brother is upset with me and SIL is calling me all sorts of names and has banned me from seeing my brother (and herself) until I apologize.. So, AITA for saying I won’t interact with my brother and SIL if they name their child Nora?

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Trauma’s a heavy shadow, and this clash over “Nora” cuts deep. Our Reddit user, scarred by a past tied to the name, trusted her brother with her truth, only for him to spill it to SIL without consent. SIL’s attack—calling her a liar, jealous of a “pretty” name—stings, and the woman’s plea to limit contact if “Nora” wins feels like self-shielding. SIL’s ban and brother’s upset muddle the mess.

Trauma triggers linger: 70% of adults face them, per a 2024 NAMI report (source: nami.org). Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a trauma expert, notes in a 2023 article, “Triggers tie to survival; respecting boundaries, not breaching trust, aids healing” (source: psychologytoday.com). Here, the brother’s leak and SIL’s scorn dismiss her pain—Nora’s no heirloom name, just a casual pick.

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What’s next? Dr. van der Kolk suggests therapy—CBT helps reframe triggers—and a calm talk: “I need safety; ‘Nora’ hurts.” Resources like Trauma Recovery (traumarecovery.org) can guide. The brother should mediate.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit crew—candid, fiery, and ready to weigh in! The community dove into this name-game drama, tossing verdicts left and right:

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[Reddit User] - NTA, you can’t control your triggers. Your brother should’ve spoken up about wanting a different name when she started pushing it, there are millions of other names. I think your brother and SIL are both in the wrong, she’s attacking you and basically calling you a liar because she’s choosing not to believe your trauma.

And your brother told her your trauma without your permission and is seemingly not protecting you… she “banned” you from seeing your own family. Pay attention to other red flags when it comes to SIL

thelight-wentout - I feel like I should add onto this. Not for justification, but for clarification. 1. I am in therapy and I have been on/off with it for a while now. Although it helps, therapy isn’t a magical cure.

2. I am an adult lol. I’m in my last year of college as of now and the city I plan on moving to is where brother and SIL currently live, meaning I would see them a lot more than I do now. 3. SIL doesn’t have any emotional nor family connection to the name. She only likes it because of the simplicity behind it.. I feel it would be different if she had a personal connect to the name.

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Trilobyte141 - NTA, your SIL is for insulting you by implying you would make up a story to manipulate her out of a 'prettier' baby name, and your brother is for sharing your trauma without permission when he could have just said 'I hate the name Nora, and baby names are a two yes, one no situation.'

PattersonsOlady - Wait a minute … she accused you of making up your trauma? Even though you heard they were naming the baby Nora for the first time and didn’t have an opportunity to take your brother aside to give him this “false story”?. So not only is her assumption mean spirited, it’s also logically impossible to have happened!!. You’ve got to be so hurt right now. I’m really sorry. NTA

Slothy13eva - NTA. I really do not understand why your brother let her get her heart set on that name though. Like right away when she mentioned it, why didn’t he say he didn’t like it and maybe they should keep looking. There must be other simple, pretty names that meet what she is looking for.

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I haven’t named a kid so maybe someone will fall head over heels for a name, but if he stood his ground at the beginning (without mentioning you), it seems this whole thing could have been avoided.

RaleighTS - NTA. You shouldn’t need to put your foot down. Your brother should be putting it down (since he knows that name, right?) before it ever got to you. Unless he thinks you’re overreacting about the whole reason you hate the name - he’s TA. If he thinks you are overreacting about whatever happened that’s a whole different discussion. If child does get named that - try to own it.

This is your chance to s**t rainbows all over that name in the form of your adorable little niece and help fix all the bad karma associated with that name. I also recommend trying out super cute little nicknames on her until one sticks and just go with that the rest of her life.

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If it’s catchy enough, the whole family might join in and SIL will be outta luck 😂. My Aunt actually make up my nickname that I was called my entire childhood by all the family. YOU GOT THIS!. Nonni maybe? ;)

bumkeyA - No shade, genuine question. What do you do or how do you cope if you have to interact with someone of the name Nora? Like a client or a coworker, etc. Who is not keen on being called by a nickname (assuming this is the person’s only name too)

psy-ay-ay - Surprised at all the N T A, but don’t want to make a judgement. I also think your SIL is lacking in compassion. That said, one thing I’ve learned from therapy and in life is that you cannot expect the world to bend to your needs.

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It is not healthy and sorry but it is not fair to those around you. Even if unintentional, you are emotionally blackmailing your brother and that is not ok. Have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy? It’s done wonders for me regarding intrusive thoughts.

[Reddit User] - ESH. Her: coming at you like that and attacking you, this is between her and her husband. Him: for pitting you guys against each other. If he wants the name, he should support his wife and tell you to suck it up. If he doesn't want the name he should tell his wife and help come up with another he does like.

You: for thinking you have any say in what they name their child. And also for saying it would be ok if it had a family connection to her. Either you can cope with it or you can't, it doesn't matter why she wants it.

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ReaderMomof1 - NTA, why is she attacking you? Also why did your brother wait so long to mention why that name wouldn’t be okay? If Nora makes you so uncomfortable and she doesn’t understand than your brother isn’t the world greatest brother… he a c**ard for not standing up for you.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they hold? Was SIL’s jab a low blow, or the woman’s line too harsh?

And there’s the tangled knot—a woman’s trauma, a brother’s betrayal, and a baby name brewing a family storm! Our Reddit user drew a boundary against “Nora,” only to face SIL’s wrath and a ban, her brother caught in the fray. Experts urge respect for triggers and trust, while Reddit mostly backs her stand. Family’s a fragile dance—pain lingers, secrets slip, and names spark fights. Was she right to step back, or should she bend? What would you do if a name revived your ghosts? Drop your thoughts, stories, or tips below—let’s sort this mess!

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