AITA for saying I could never live with my sister after she and my parents suggested she could live with me while she settles into the city?

Imagine a cozy Zoom call, a family brainstorming to ease a 23-year-old sister’s leap into a new city for her first job, her eyes bright with hope but pockets light on cash. The 26-year-old big sister, settled with her fiancé, tosses out tips for apartments, only to hear a curveball: “Why not live with you?” Parents chime in, painting a rosy picture—rent money, sisterly bonding, and a wedding fund boost. Sounds like a sitcom setup, right? But for this woman, the idea lands like a spilled bowl of cereal in her tidy life.

Dredging up memories of messy Christmases and chaotic cousin stays, she balks—her sister’s a tornado of clutter and rule-breaking! With a firm “I could never live with her again,” she digs in, but the family’s stung. Was her stand a boundary worth keeping, or a harsh snub? Let’s unpack this sibling showdown!

‘AITA for saying I could never live with my sister after she and my parents suggested she could live with me while she settles into the city?’

This tale of family ties and tangled boundaries spills a relatable mix of love and limits. Here’s the original Reddit post, serving up the full dish on this move-in mess:

My (26f) younger sister (23f) got her first job after graduating college. It's in my city. She's never been here before and she's got a month left to find a place but it's proving hard as someone with no connections and not enough money to rent on her own. My parents did a zoom call with us last week and we were talking about her struggle.

I made a few suggestions to her but then she said this would all be solved if she could live with me for a while and pay me rent while she settles in. My parents were like oh that's a wonderful idea! Think of how nice it would be for you girls to live together again, etc. How my fiancé could get to know my sister better (since they met once and don't know each other that well) and how nice it would be to have some extra money coming in with the wedding coming up.

I said it wasn't a great idea but I could try and find more suggestions. My sister asked why not. We're family. It's perfect. I told her it wouldn't work for me and my fiancé. She asked why. I said I could never live with her again, that we're too different and she doesn't like following other people's rules. This was actually an issue twice. One time we were both visiting our parents for Christmas.

We were meant to stay in our childhood bedrooms but hers got mold so she slept in mine with me. The room was such a mess the whole time. She threw stuff around, brought food into the room and ate in the pull out bed and left bowls around the room to stink. When I asked her to tidy up she ignored me.

The next time we were both staying with a cousin and my cousin told her to tidy up after herself, to stop bringing food into the room but she refused and ended up getting kicked out after three days (we were there for a family wedding and ended up extending our stay for a funeral). I won't go through that. Despite us being sisters I don't consider us close.

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She drives me crazy and I could not live with her again. Not even for a day. Which is why I always make sure that if I visit my parents and she might be too I stay in a hotel. Cuts back on any drama that could happen. Also makes it easier to not want to shake her. My reaction as well as the r**ection of her living with me have pissed them all off. They say I was harsh and what I said was uncalled for.. AITA?

This sisterly saga twists with good intentions and messy history—parents and sibling see a win-win, but our heroine’s flashing red lights over past chaos! Saying “I could never live with her” stings, yet it guards a home shared with her fiancé, where peace isn’t negotiable.

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Zoom out, and it’s a classic boundary battle. A 2022 Pew Research study shows 57% of young adults lean on family for housing help, but cohabitation flops when habits clash (Source). Past moldy bowls and ignored rules signal trouble—her sister’s track record justifies the pause.

Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner notes, “Boundaries protect relationships; clarity prevents resentment” (Source). Dr. Lerner’s wisdom fits here—saying no shields her space and sanity, though a softer chat might’ve eased the burn. She’s not wrong to stand firm! Try this: explain calmly—past messes make co-living tough. Offer help: search listings, split a mover’s fee.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit squad dove in with gusto, dishing support and a sprinkle of spice—here’s the tastiest takes from the crowd, served with a sly grin:

Lovely-summertime − NTA. ‘Being family’ doesn’t give her any privileges. And this is not just your house, it’s also your fiancé’s. And I think it’s actually quite rude of your sister to just kind of invite herself to stay with you? She can find a place on her own.

magicpole − NTA. You never offered for her to live with you. You tried to be nice about it and they are the ones that pushed the issue. Boundaries are healthy and your relationship with her will likely be better in the long run if you don't live together.

--BMO-- − NTA. This sounds weirdly like a set up. Were your parents almost suspiciously quick to jump on the idea?. Look after yourself and your fiancé, there’s not much can cause a nightmare like an unwelcome house guest.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. You set boundaries, and explained only when pressed why it wouldn’t work - because of previous boundary violations. It’s their job to manage their feelings after you’ve stated yours.

ogCoreyStone − NTA. Not sure how “I don’t think that is a great idea but I will continue trying to help in your search” was misconstrued as something harsh and uncalled for. If sister or parents push on the reason behind it, express what you did here. Based on prior history, and on multiple occasions, you have enough evidence to effectively prove that this is, in fact, not a “great idea”.

Lotex_Style − 'How my fiancé could get to know my sister better (since they met once and don't know each other that well) and how nice it would be to have some extra money coming in with the wedding coming up' For some reason I'm 100% sure that they planned this as some kind of a**ush and prepared some arguments (money, fiancé finally gets to know her better) in advance to steamroll over you.

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Because they know she won't get her living situation sorted out otherwise. Also fantastic idea to move in with someone who you've met once and whose habits you don't know AND who's also family on top of that, so you can't really kick him out.

I'm pretty sure that are all things they took into consideration, especially your parents since they know hos she is (messy and unable to follow rules), so you pretty much seem like the only option that might give her enoug leeway to not get kicked out after a month or so. Don't let them guilt you into anything here. NTA.

whitewer − Nta, it's your place your rules and you don't have to have anyone living with you that you don't want to. No is an acceptable answer.

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old_gold_mountain − NTA - being a live-in landlord to a relative who you know is going to be a bad tenant/roommate is a fantastic way to torpedo your relationship with her and cause a rift in the family.

phnmnl-cnfdnc − NTA She needed to hear the truth because your reasons will be the same reasons why she will have problems with her future roommates.

FirmlyThatGuy − NTA. You’re under no obligation to take on tenants in your own home even if they’re family.

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These hot bites sizzle, but do they untangle the knot? Is this a boundary win or a family fumble?

From a hopeful Zoom pitch to a firm “no way,” this sisterly standoff blends love, limits, and a whiff of old messes. Our 26-year-old heroine guards her home from her sister’s chaos, but her blunt block left family feathers ruffled. Was “I could never live with her” a savvy save of sanity, or a tad too sharp? She’s juggling loyalty and a quiet life—where’s the line? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts, laughs, or clever fixes in the comments—let’s sort this roommate riddle together!

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