AITA for ruining xmas with my weird eating habits?

In a snow-dusted home glowing with Christmas lights, a 16-year-old sits quietly, their stomach churning not from hunger but dread. Fresh from hospital care for an eating disorder, this teen faces a holiday ultimatum: eat like everyone else or hide away. Their mother’s plea for a “normal” Christmas dinner feels like a mountain too steep to climb. The air hums with festive cheer, but for this Redditor, it’s a battle between recovery and family expectations, pulling heartstrings tight.

This isn’t just about a plate of turkey and trimmings—it’s a raw snapshot of navigating mental health under pressure. Readers feel the teen’s panic, the weight of wanting to please yet needing to heal. The clash of holiday traditions and personal struggles sets a poignant stage. Let’s unpack this heartfelt Reddit story that’s sparking empathy and debate.

‘AITA for ruining xmas with my weird eating habits?’

I'm 16 and I quite recently got out of hospital for an eating disorder. I'm not doing that great, there are a lot of things I'm trying to deal with but it's stressful and I'm so worried I feel sick all the time. I haven't really eaten solid food in a few weeks now.

My mum has been saying I need to be 'normal' on xmas day, meaning I eat what everyone else is eating without being anxious or upset, and physically idk if I can do that. I've spent so much time dreading how sick and panicky I'll feel.

I've tried multiple times to explain and find a compromise so I'm not so anxious but she finds it really annoying. I'm annoying her a lot and she's said she preferred me before I had treatment. Today I tried one last time

and she said why don't I just stay in my room like always because no one wants a ghost sitting at the table making everyone miserable. I know it sounds simple to just eat for one day, and I know it's a really important holiday for her. AITA?

Christmas can feel like a warm hug or a pressure cooker, especially for someone recovering from an eating disorder. This teen’s plea for understanding clashes with their mother’s push for “normalcy,” highlighting a painful disconnect. The teen’s anxiety is valid—pushing past their limits risks setbacks. Yet, the mother’s frustration, though poorly expressed, may stem from worry or denial, a common reaction when parents face mental health challenges.

Eating disorders affect about 9% of people globally, with recovery often taking years. Forcing “normal” eating can trigger relapses, as structure and safety are key. The mother’s dismissal—“I liked you better before treatment”—betrays a lack of empathy that could harm recovery.

Dr. Cynthia Bulik, an eating disorder specialist, says, “Recovery requires a supportive environment where patients feel safe to progress at their own pace”. Here, the mother’s demands undermine this, placing holiday optics over her child’s health. Dr. Bulik’s insight underscores the need for compassion over conformity. For this teen, small steps—like a safe food option or eating privately—could ease tension. Therapy to address family dynamics is crucial, as is documenting dismissive comments for professionals, as Reddit suggests.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s got some fiery takes on this one, dishing out support and shade in equal measure. Here’s the lowdown from the community—straight-up and full of heart.

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mall_goth420 − NTA Jesus Christ your mom is way out of line for forcing extra stress on to you. The holidays are bad enough for people with ED and she had plenty of time to figure out how to be more supportive

pixelatednarcissist − NTA. You are in no way TA for wanting to eat in ways that minimize your anxiety/discomfort while still enjoying the company of your loved ones. You are not a ghost. You are a whole-azz person who deserves to enjoy the holidays too.

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Aurumia1 − Hey Stranger,. Pause and breathe, and read this: I am the wife to an amazing, brilliant, saint of a man. Phd student, amazing Husband, adoring dog dad, he is the love of my life. He struggled with food his whole life. I don’t have to tell you the details, you have your own.

You know that food is complicated. Some food more than others. Sometimes it is easy to eat, sometimes it is hard. Sometimes it is easier to keep food private. It takes a lotttt of trust for my husband to eat around people. It has taken two years for him to have dinner in a restaurant with me.

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My family knows. They make his favorites for thanksgiving and Christmas, and if he chooses to eat with us, he grabs a plate and sits and the table and no one says anything beyond “enjoy!”. If he eats meat, as a largely vegetarian based eater, no one says anything.

If he has nothing at the table, but chooses to eat with me later that that night in the comfort of safe company, no one says anything.. Listen to me, please.. That is OKAY.. I love him. Adore him. Food is my love language, but it is not his. And that is OKAY.. Your normal is different.

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No one interrogates how you shower, what side of the bed you sleep on, how you dry off one arm before the other - no one sees these things. Just because food is public, doesn’t mean people have the right to comment on it. Your body is yours.

And I pray and hope that you grow to be comfortable in it, to give it what you need to feel strong, and safe in your own skin.. And THAT is what is important. I’m here, if you want to pm me. I promise you that the road you are on isn’t as lonely as it feels right now.. You are NTA.

ETA: we had Christmas dinner tonight, he had the cat in his lap and spent the dinner feeding Mr. Kitty bits of prime rib. He and I are staying up late and he is enjoying his cereal and protein shakes while we watch the Witcher... No one said anything 💛

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He even found two new cereals he let me pick out for him for Christmas that he loves. I promise you, it will get better. Take care of yourself however you need to, and give yourself the grace, space, and time you need to take care of yourself.

My husband is LC with his dad, largely due to his influence on my hubby’s health and his anxieties around food.  Distance there has helped him so much, as has therapy and most of all, time and self acceptance. I know there is no easy out for you right now,

but hold onto the hope that there will be days where you don’t have to defend yourself. Put distance where there needs to be, and draw close to those that give you the space to be at peace & make choices that are safe for you, and bring healing to your body & mind.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. My God, WTH is wrong with your mother? Is she even CAPABLE of thinking about anyone other than herself? You JUST got out of the hospital. Is she TOTALLY CLUELESS?. You do what is right for YOU. Forget about what she is saying.. I so hope that you are able to have a happy holiday.

a_toxic_rose − NTA. Your parents need to get over themselves. From your comments it sounds like they are denying your ED even exists because they seem to think they are at fault for it. They are trying to sabotage your recovery.

I am so sorry you are having to go through that on top of everything else. You deserve so much better. Do what you need to do, follow your doctor’s and therapist’s advice and ignore what your mother says. Her feelings are irrelevant. You need to do what is best for you and your health.

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Make sure your therapists and doctors know what is going on. You may need to go stay with a friend or relative so you can actually recover, because your parents may not allow you to while you live with them.

Editing to add: Start making a journal and noting down when your mom says things to you like “I liked you better before you had treatment” and whenever she dismisses or refuses to follow the doc or therapists’ advice. Note the date and time.

Show this to you therapist and doctors. I really think you need to be removed from their care. I know that sounds horrible and terrifying, but what they are doing is at best n**lect. You are SICK and they are not caring for you.

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TinyRascalSaurus − NTA at all. You're in recovery for a serious medical issue. Expecting you to put the normal course of recovery aside for appearances is selfish of her. Badly managing recovery of eating disorders often leads to relapses. She was also unnecessarily n**ty about it to you, and is the AH here.

allforgabe − NTA. My 16 yr old son has an eating disorder too. It’s heartbreaking to see your child shrink so much, and be so unhappy. We are doing our best to support him; but it’s hard to know what to say and do. We love him so so much. Sincerely, I hope that you can find more support and understanding-even if it isn’t with your mom.

Being 16 is tough. It was in the 80s, but I think you guys have a far more complicated world that you’re trying to navigate. Do not judge or doubt yourself too harshly. It is far more than opening your mouth, chewing and swallowing. Be safe, take care of yourself and pls keep reaching out.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. I had surgery a few years ago, Christmas was liquid for me. I even went to family celebrations revolving around pizza, alcohol, and cookies - no one was perturbed by my 'weird' diet because they loved me. No one suggested I not come.. Your mom is a piece of work.

goosenschmirtz − NTA, but your mom is one, holy s**t. I'm so proud of you for getting treatment, it couldn't have been easy to go through. It's going to take time for you to get to a point where you feel okay eating 'normally', and that is totally okay.

The important thing is that you're eating what you're able and taking care of yourself. You're doing great. Your mom is being an inconsiderate a**hole, and the fact that she can't see that is completely incomprehensible. Don't listen to her.

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What you eat doesn't have any bearing on whether other people can enjoy their day. Your mom should be grateful that you're around to share the day with regardless of what you eat. If you feel up to it, by all means make up a little plate of food to pick at;

you might find that you have more of an appetite than you think. You also might find that you can't stomach any solid food yet, and that's completely fine. You can only do what you're able to do, and that is more than enough.

fieleamcknight − NTA. You have an eating disorder you are barely learning to handle, you should in no way be expected to eat in any way that will only make your issues worse, yet alone be expected to do it while magically not experiencing the issues. You aren't ruining Christmas, your mothers attitude is.

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These Reddit opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full complexity of recovery and family ties?

This Reddit tale leaves us wondering: how do we celebrate together when everyone’s needs differ? The teen’s struggle to honor their recovery while facing family pressure is a gut-punch reminder of empathy’s power. Christmas is about connection, not perfection. What would you do if a loved one’s health clashed with holiday plans? Share your experiences below—have you navigated similar challenges? Let’s keep the conversation going.

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