AITA for “ruining” my SIL’s baby name?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture this: a cozy family gathering, the air thick with the scent of fresh coffee and the faint hum of anticipation for a new baby. Suddenly, a bombshell drops—a sister-in-law (SIL) demands to claim the name of your darling daughter, a name woven with the tender memory of your late mother. This isn’t just a naming spat; it’s a heartfelt tug-of-war over legacy, love, and loyalty.

Our storyteller, a 26-year-old mom, finds herself in a whirlwind of frustration as her SIL, 32, pushes to override her daughter’s identity for the sake of her unborn child. The tension crackles—will family ties bend or break under this bold request? Readers, buckle up for a juicy tale of clashing wills and emotional stakes!

‘AITA for “ruining” my SIL’s baby name?’

My SIL (32) does not like me at all (26F). She’s always tried to one up me as she married into the family first (our husbands are brothers) and she resents that I had a kid before her. I got pregnant at 21 when my husband and I were then dating and our darling girl Lily (fake name) was born in 2016. She’s now 4.

some background: my husband and I already had a name picked out for Lily. However my mom died suddenly early on in my pregnancy. Lily was her middle name so we named our daughter that and used her original name of Sophie (fake name) as her middle name hence she is now Lily Sophie.

Well SIL is pregnant and she’s having a girl and said that the only name she liked was Lily. She said absolutely no other name will do and she even came up to me and asked if I would start calling my Lily by her middle name of Sophie so the only Lily in the family is her kid.

I was furious. I told her no, that’s my daughters name and she just had to pick the one name that has some meaning to me cos it was my moms middle name. I know she is doing this just to spite me. She keeps harassing me and I told her to leave me the f**k alone and she can pick any other name in the world that didn’t belong to MY dead mom who has no meaning to her.

I heard she and my BIL have reluctantly picked another name but she is calling me an AH for “ruining her perfect name.”. This woman is so f**king ridiculous and everyone is expecting me to apologise for upsetting a pregnant woman.

Edit: I never meant to come across saying she couldn’t have the name. If she approached me saying she liked the name Lily that would have been cool. What’s annoying is that she knows how traumatic my moms death was and is expecting me to just call my kid by her middle name.

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Naming a child can feel like planting a flag on a mountain of personal meaning—especially when it honors a loved one. This clash between our storyteller and her SIL reveals a classic family friction: one side clings to a cherished legacy, the other chases a dream name, perhaps with a sprinkle of rivalry. The SIL’s push to reassign the OP’s daughter’s name, Lily, tied to her late mom, feels audacious, maybe even a tad theatrical. Is this a genuine love for the name or a subtle jab in a long-running sibling-in-law saga?

Zooming out, baby name battles tap into a broader social dance—identity, tradition, and boundaries. A 2019 survey by BabyCenter found 10% of parents faced family pressure over names, often sparking resentment or compromise. The SIL’s insistence on exclusivity hints at control, while the OP’s fierce defense channels grief and pride for her mom’s memory.

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Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, notes in a Peaceful Parent article, “Family conflicts often escalate when emotions like grief or envy go unacknowledged” (source: peacefulparent.com). Here, the SIL might crave a unique spotlight, but ignoring the OP’s loss risks deeper rifts. Dr. Markham’s insight suggests empathy could’ve softened this mess—perhaps a chat about shared names or alternatives like Lila or Willow.

For the OP, stand firm but stay calm—try a gentle, “I love that you like Lily, but it’s special to us for my mom.” Suggest a family naming brainstorm to cool tensions. For the SIL, flexibility is key—plenty of lovely names await!

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Here’s the Reddit squad, swooping in with hot takes—candid, cheeky, and ready to roast! Was the SIL’s request a wild overreach, or could two Lilys coexist in this family circus? Dive into the buzz:

mckinnos − NTA. I'm sorry, what? This is unbelievably entitled. Surely there are other names in the world that aren't a. your daughter's name and b. deeply meaningful to you on account of your mom! Your SIL sounds like a major, un-empathetic AH. I don't know if there's a term for a pregnancy Bridezilla-Babyzilla? Momzilla?

Bug_a_boo_Mama − NTA. She is being ridiculous. She can still name her daughter 'Lily' just seems pissy that its your daughters name and shes just trying to start drama

5373n133n − NTA. Honestly she can call her daughter Lily too and leave you out of it. Expecting to own the copyright of a name is just ludicrous

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NomNom83WasTaken − NTA You didn't ruin a damn thing, she's just trying to pick a fight so you can look like an AH for not giving the pregnant lady what she wants. What a manipulative, toxic, waste. I would steer clear until your niece is here b/c she's definitely going to cook up some other 'OP's so mean!' plots.

I do think it would have been kind of hilarious if you called her bluff and said, 'You know what? You should totally name your daughter Lilly!' She knows your Lilly was there first so hers would become 'Lilly Last Initial' or 'Little Lilly' and she would have changed it, anyway.

Chairchucker − You know damn well you're NTA.

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JabbaInBlueJeans − I have to ask. Did you really think you could possibly be the a**hole in this situation?. NTA.

Craftyallthetime − So your SIL wants you to effectively change your 4yo daughter’s name because she wants to use it for a baby that hasn’t been born yet?. NTA If she wants to use it so badly she could use it as a middle name. But she does not get to use that name as a nickname.. (Did she have any justification other than “that’s the name I like”?)

cranbeery − NTA but you both need to let. It. Go. She's (albeit reluctantly) using another name. You already have your Lily. This should never be a topic of conversation ever again (if she makes it one, say, 'I am not discussing this' and walk away), and the two kids especially don't need to be party to the dumb bickering.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Being pregnant doesn't excuse this kind of behavior. Maybe you could suggest a similar name (ex. 'Poppy'), or look through some name lists and find another one. If she keeps insisting, she's just being unreasonable/holding a grudge, and there's not much you could do.

Coollogin − Well SIL is pregnant and she’s having a girl and said that the only name she liked was Lily. She said absolutely no other name will do and she even came up to me and asked if I would start calling my Lily by her middle name of Sophie so the only Lily in the family is her kid. I was furious.

I told her no, that’s my daughters name and she just had to pick the one name that has some meaning to me cos it was my moms middle name. I know she is doing this just to spite me. I don’t understand why you were furious. I would have laughed my ass off at such a ridiculous request.

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End of story. Crazy lady asked me to do something crazy, and I laughed at how crazy she is. There’s really nothing wrong with cousins having the same first name. It used to happen all the time. When you read about Henry VIII, it quickly becomes apparent that every woman was named Ann or Jane or Mary or Margaret.

There is no doubt that all of those women had cousins with the same name. I have a cousin with the same name as me. We thought it was pretty cool when we were kids. It was an uncommon name at the time, and I had never met anyone else with it. It later became super popular, so there are way too many twenty-somethings with my name.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe the SIL’s just auditioning for the drama queen crown, or perhaps there’s room for a Lily duo.

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This baby name brawl leaves us chuckling and scratching our heads— a heartfelt tribute clashing with a bold demand, all in the messy arena of family. Our storyteller held her ground, honoring her mom, while the SIL swerved to a new name, albeit with a side of sass. It’s a quirky reminder: names carry weight, and feelings run deep. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts, experiences, or clever name ideas below—let’s keep this chat lively!

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