AITA for ruïning my MIL’s “surprise”?

The sun glints off a serene lake, where laughter and the clink of wine glasses promise a perfect getaway. But for Lisa and Anna, a relaxing cabin retreat with their partners takes a turn when their meddling mother-in-law (MIL) plans an uninvited “surprise” visit. Known for her sharp tongue and boundary-crossing antics, MIL’s arrival threatens to sour their escape.

Tired of her endless critiques—calling them too needy, too distant, or not nurturing enough—Lisa and Anna hatch a playful plan to let MIL’s surprise flop. Was their subtle revenge a clever boundary lesson or a step too far? Let’s dive into this family drama that’s got Reddit buzzing.

 

‘AITA for ruïning my MIL’s “surprise”?’

So this story has a lot of people involved. My MIL has 4 sons. The oldest two are married to two very nice girls (Anna and Wendy), the third son has a boyfriend (David) and have been dating for almost 5 years and I (Lisa) have been dating the youngest son for almost 3 years.

The thing is that our MIL greatly dislikes all four of us. And for reasons that don't make sense. Wendy (who works part time at a daycare) doesn't do enough to support her husband. I (who work full time as a teacher) work too much and don't have enough time to care for her son.

Anna is too needy and should find her own thing. David is too distant and should come over more often. Etc. We don't feed them enough, we make them do too many chores (we all split this fairly according to working hours), we take her 'babies' away from her and more comments like this.

She likes to contradict herself. Our boyfriends/husbands do stand up to her when they hear her say things like this but she tries to make sure they don't hear her when she is berating us. And when they do say something she goes on a tirade about how she should be respected, that they are ungrateful and that she is only looking out for them so they don't get manipulated by our 'pretty faces'.

(At least she finds us pretty). She also comes over unannounced a lot, because she is lonely and to makes sure we take good care of her 'babies'. So now to the main part. Me+ Boyfriend and Anna+ husband rented a nice cabin at a lake (about 3 hour drive) for a week.

My bf and I were going Friday to Monday and Anna + husband were going Monday to Friday. So we both had time to ourselves and would meet up on the Monday in the middle to do something nice together. On the Sunday that we were there Wendy called to tell us that MIL was going to 'surprise' us by showing up on Monday.

At that point Anna and I decided to get a little revenge on MIL and decided that we would act as if we didn't know she was coming (MIL wanted it to be a surprise and didn't know Wendy found out about it and called ahead). So on Monday we went ahead with our plans: went to the beach, had lunch, more beach time and had a nice dinner and we got back late.

Meanwhile MIL had driven three hours to the cabin, stood in front of a closed door, waited, tried to call and then had to drive three hours back. We didn't have our phones with us , cause sand and technology don't really go together, so she couldn't reach us. We called her back the next morning (cause we got back quite late).

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First she got angry, then (fake) cried and got very whiny about how we could do this to her. Our answer: How were we supposed to know? After the call we told our boyfriend/husband the truth (because we do have a great and open relationship), we told the rest of the sons partners as well what happened.

Now they are a bit torn. The youngest sons find it funny. The oldest two think that we have gone too far and hurt her too much.. So reddit: are we the A-holes?. Edit: thanks for the suggestions. I put this story on r/justnomil as well.

This lakeside saga highlights the tension of navigating overbearing in-laws. Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes in Psychology Today (psychologytoday.com), “Setting boundaries with in-laws requires clear communication and mutual respect.” Lisa and Anna’s MIL disregards their space, using “surprises” to assert control.

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The MIL’s criticisms—labeling Lisa as overworked or Anna as needy—reflect a struggle to let her sons individuate. Her behavior suggests an emotional need to remain central, often at the expense of her sons’ partners. This dynamic isn’t uncommon; a 2019 study from the American Psychological Association found that 60% of couples report in-law conflicts impacting their relationship.

Dr. Heitler advises, “Calmly assert boundaries without escalating conflict.” Lisa and Anna’s choice to let MIL’s plan fail was passive but effective, signaling that uninvited visits disrupt their lives. However, their secrecy risks trust with their partners. A better approach? Openly discuss boundaries with MIL, involving their partners to present a united front. Couples therapy or family mediation could also help MIL adjust to her sons’ independence.

For now, Lisa and Anna might consider a direct but kind conversation, perhaps saying, “We love including you, but please check with us first.” This respects MIL’s feelings while protecting their autonomy, turning a prank into a chance for growth.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s hot takes are as spicy as a lakeside barbecue! The community largely sides with Lisa and Anna, calling out MIL’s boundary-stomping ways. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

srslyeffedmind − NTA technically you weren’t supposed to know. So either she was manipulative and leaked the info herself or this was what would’ve happened anyway.

Alyswithawhy − NTA - She's been warned, maybe she'll remember this event next time she decides to b**t in whenever she wants. Have you explained to her how inappropriate you find it that she invites herself in to your lives at times?. Edit: changed vote, MIL sucks.

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SplodeyCat − NTA I mean, you were at a lake? She shouldn't have assumed you would be in the cabin the whole day. She didn't tell you guys, didn't ask, and is overall being nosey and selfish. If your plans already were to not be at the cabin then I don't see a problem. You didn't go out of your way to ignore her, just didn't include someone who was uninvited and you shouldn't have known was coming anyways.

MuhBeav − NTA, she seems overbearing and doesn’t understand boundaries. Plus, who tf wants to deal with their MIL on vacation

Mellbxo − NTA. If you hadn't known, it would have been the same outcome. Like, maybe you might have come back earlier but who's to say? How did Wendy find out MIL was coming anyway?

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[Reddit User] − NTA... But On the Sunday that we were there Wendy called to tell us that MIL was going to 'surprise' us by showing up on Monday.. MIL wanted it to be a surprise and didn't know Wendy found out about it and called ahead). First she got angry, then (fake) cried and got very whiny about how we could do this to her.. Are you sure she dint 'intentionally' slipped her plan to Wendy?

randomuserno1 − NTA, she needs to know her boundaries and she sounds extremely entitled. She wants herself to be the middle of attention evidently and can't grasp that all her sons have grown up and are now independent adults.

iluvcats17 − NTA you taught her an important lesson. Your spouse’s should not be tolerating their mother making negative comments to you or the other wives. They should let her know that she is not welcome in your home if she says anything critical. Then the minute she does it, she needs to be shown the door. That is the only way to get her to stop.

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gertrudheretica − NTA. This was delightful and maybe will be an object lesson.

Elfich47 − NTA - MIL is trying to make it her sons (and by extension your) responsibility to make her happy instead of getting a life of her own that doesn’t revolve around her children.

But do these Reddit verdicts hold up in real life? Some users suspect MIL leaked her “surprise” to test loyalty, while others cheer the lesson in boundaries. Either way, the comments spark a lively debate about family, respect, and just how far you can push a prank.

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Lisa and Anna’s lakeside caper turned a meddling MIL’s surprise into a boundary-setting masterclass, but it left their partners divided. Was it a harmless jab or a touch too petty? Family dynamics are tricky, and this story shows how small acts can ripple. What would you do if your in-law crashed your getaway unannounced? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar family showdown?

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