AITA for ruining my friend’s engagement?

The salty breeze of Portland, Maine, wraps around a historic lighthouse, where a woman snaps a carefree photo, unaware it’ll light a fuse. Weeks later, her friend’s boyfriend picks that same spot for a surprise proposal, only to claim her Instagram post stole their thunder. After helping plan the engagement, she’s stunned when the couple accuses her of betrayal, bans her from their wedding, and demands an apology.

As texts turn icy and friendships fray, she wonders if a single photo could truly dim such a shining moment. This tale of social media slip-ups and hurt feelings pulls readers into a modern-day drama, where a scenic snapshot sparks a surprising fallout over love and loyalty.

‘AITA for ruining my friend’s engagement?’

A few weeks ago, I (26f) went to Portland, Maine with my boyfriend. I had never been and only live 2 hours away, so he thought it’d be a nice weekend trip for us. We had a great time exploring the city, eating out and what’s important to this story..... visiting the lighthouses.

While there, I posted on my Instagram a photo he snapped of me in front of one of the lighthouses he took me to. Now, for the past few months I’ve been helping my friend (26f)’s boyfriend (28m) get ready to propose. Usual friends duties like sending him styles she expressed interest in, finding her ring size, proposal plans, etc.

After he got the ring, he told me that he came up with a plan to propose during their yearly trip to Maine by renting an air bnb and proposing in the room so she wouldn’t be the center of attention, which would be happening in a month or so. I told him that sounds great.

So, fast forward and they go to Portland, Maine this past week and he proposes to her in front of the same lighthouse I had posted a picture at in the weeks prior. Super happy for them, I send my congratulations to both and that’s when things start to get weird

I hadn’t heard back from them after sending a couple texts and trying to call, which I thought was weird having helped plan this but figured they were newly engaged and enjoying this moment. It’s now two days after, still no word from either and then I finally receive a text message from him saying...

“Hey, thanks for the congratulations and help with the ring. However, I’m bummed you went to (the lighthouse) weeks before and posted a picture at it. Intentional or not, it took away from something special I had planned and told you about.”

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To say I was confused is an understatement. I responded with a question mark and he explained that by me going to the spot he was proposing at weeks before and posting a picture there, he felt betrayed and I ruined their special moment.

In addition to his message, I reached out to my friend to ask what was going on and why I was also now blocked on Instagram, to which she responded completely berating me.... swearing at me, telling me I ruined her proposal and made her and her fiancé feel betrayed, embarrassed and screwed over.

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She told me the first words out of his mouth after he proposed were that “This was suppose to be special and (I) took that away from them.” They’re demanding me that I apologize and told me that I’m banned from their future wedding.

I responded to this with my thoughts that a social media post from weeks ago shouldn’t have any influence on their proposal and that an apology is not in the cards. I did not argue nor did I feel the need to because I don’t think I did anything wrong.

I even sent back the screenshot of the original proposal plan he sent me saying he was getting an air bnb and proposing in the room.. SO..... AITA for going to Portland and posting a picture there before he proposed?

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EDIT 1: I did send the screenshot of the proposal plan he sent me to both of them. They still want an apology. UPDATE: Thanks for the feedback everyone! When I wrote this post, I wasn’t sure if I should be the one to apologize or not and if I did anything wrong.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, just the most extreme which makes me think it won’t also be the last. After hearing about others similar experiences and assurance that I’m NTA, I’ll be moving on from this friendship.

A proposal gone awry over a social media post reveals how expectations can clash in friendships. Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, notes in Best Friends Forever (Psychology Today), “Miscommunications in close friendships often stem from unspoken assumptions.” The boyfriend’s shift from an Airbnb proposal to the lighthouse, without informing the friend, set the stage for this misunderstanding, while his reaction frames her innocent post as sabotage.

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The couple’s outrage suggests deeper insecurities—perhaps about the proposal’s originality. A 2024 study shows 55% of couples feel pressure for “Instagrammable” engagements (The Knot, Wedding Trends). By blaming the friend, they deflect from their own pivot, unfairly targeting her role in their narrative. Her screenshot of the original plan proves her innocence, yet their demand for an apology ignores this.

Levine advises addressing friendship rifts with calm clarity. The friend could express hurt over the accusations while reaffirming her support, inviting dialogue. However, the couple’s extreme response—blocking and banning—may signal a need for distance.

For readers, navigating social media in friendships requires care. If planning surprises, communicate key details to avoid overlap, and if conflicts arise, seek understanding before casting blame to preserve bonds.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit gang didn’t hold back, serving up support with a hefty dose of sass. From mocking the couple’s lighthouse obsession to praising the friend’s restraint, the comments were a lively roast fest. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

rinatric − NTA. Seriously?? Do they own Portland? So self-centered.

orangella___96 − NTA - wouldn't be surprised if he saw your pictures and changed plans last minute cause he liked that location better.. Super sad tho, that they can easily quit a friendship over this. You're probably better off without them.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. There are people before you that already took pictures of the exact same lighthouse.

[Reddit User] − NTA. How were you supposed to know that he was going to deviate from his plans? And if a 'unique' spot was so important, he had weeks to choose somewhere else.

Anywhere! Also, how sad it is for your friend that after she got engaged, her fiancé started talking about you, thus ruining the moment completely. Take it as a blessing that these people are now out of your lives. Their wedding will be a self centered nightmare.

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JabbaInBlueJeans − Be thankful you found out what a couple of assholes they are during the engagement because being in that wedding party would have been a nightmare for you.. NTA.

WaDaEp − So he's gaslighting you and his fiancee? When you sent 'the screenshot of the original proposal plan,' did you send it to her or only to him? Because I think he knows he's gaslighting everybody unless he has some mental issues.

Anyhoo, this all sounds like bad news to me. Save the screenshot indefinitely in case they try to use his story against you in the future. As for them blocking you, now you know that he's a snake. If she saw the original proposal plan and she's still sticking with him, then that just shows she likes snakes..

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AITA for ruining my friend’s engagement?. You didn't ruin it. I don't know wtf he's doing. I would just start staying away from them. If he's going to set you up and blame things on you, then I wouldn't trust him anymore. And I wouldn't trust her judgment either.

Murmelurmeli − NTA. Your friends seem to have trouble understanding how time works. How can a post in the past ruin a moment in the present? Even if he had secret plans to propose in front of that exact same lighthouse, he could have changed his plans. Or, you know what, actually I think your post gave him the idea to propose there.

He might have been afraid that his girlfriend thinks he's a copycat, so he twisted it for her and blamed you for stealing the place retrospectively. Either way, that's totally screwed up and he acts pretty crazy. Don't discuss with crazy. Save the post and the text in case other people chime in, but don't engage with them any longer.

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basiccivics − NTA. I live in Portland Maine. Guess I ruined it too. However, you guys are assholes for traveling here from out of state during a pandemic.

starwarschick16 − NTA- i would literally search out every pic on IG posted of that spot and send them to her, cuz i'm petty like that. Be glad the trash took itself out.

whynousernamelef − Nta. That's pretty weird actually, like obviously if he had told you about the lighthouse then you would be ta. Did they see your pictures before he proposed there? Seems such an odd thing for them to throw your friendship away for. Is there anything else going on behind the scenes do you think?

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Redditors rallied behind the friend, calling the couple’s reaction petty and self-centered. Some suspected the boyfriend copied the spot; others urged cutting ties. But do these spicy takes miss any nuance, or nail the drama?

This lighthouse saga shines a light on how fast a photo can flare into friendship fallout. The friend’s innocent post became a scapegoat for a couple’s redirected plans, raising questions about blame and boundaries in the social media age. Her story invites us to reflect on how we handle misunderstandings with those we care about. What would you do if a friend blamed you for stealing their spotlight? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s navigate this one!

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