AITA for ruining family dinner because I didn’t want to talk about my ex and suggested we talk about everyone’s exes?

A cozy family dinner, filled with laughter and warm memories, took a sharp turn for one guest. Expecting a night of bonding, they were blindsided when their sister and parents dredged up their old online romance, poking fun at their ex and their choices from years ago.

Feeling cornered and disrespected, they fired back, suggesting everyone share their own ex stories—silencing the table and igniting a feud. This Reddit tale of clashing boundaries and hurt feelings questions who really ruined the night. With fiancés and boyfriends caught in the crossfire, let’s dive into this dinner gone wrong.

‘AITA for ruining family dinner because I didn’t want to talk about my ex and suggested we talk about everyone’s exes?’

Had a family dinner this past weekend. It included myself, my fiance, my sister, her boyfriend, and our parents. My sister got divorced maybe a year ago and has a boyfriend. I really like him, he's great. And they are so great together! I'm happy that she is finally happy.

I've known my fiance for 10 years and have been 'together' for 6 or 7 years. Things are great with us, too. At dinner, we were talking about old memories and laughing. Generally having a good time all around. We eventually talked about how much dating has changed over the years and now the majority of people meet online/through an app.

I should mention here that my sister met her boyfriend on a dating app. Nothing wrong with that, it is 2019. Then my sister brought up my ex because I had met my ex online but before all these apps were status quo (12+ years ago). Back then, I got sooo much s**t from my family about how I met my ex.

They all were less than nice to me and to him and it's something I've never forgotten. That relationship lasted 2.5 years but eventually we broke up but for other reasons. When I look back, I do have the 'what the hell was I thinking' reaction that everyone has when they think about their exes

but I also have a bit of sadness and anger towards my family about how I was treated. So obviously, I don't like going back there. My sister just kept talking about my ex and how unsafe meeting people online was back then and I'm so lucky he didn't end up being a s**ual predator or serial k**ler!

She and my parents were talking about my ex and how horrible he was while myself, my fiance, and her BF just stayed quiet. Honestly, my ex was a nice guy, just not for me, so I took offense to what was being said as I was also being painted as being foolish. I'm not proud of what I did but I loudly said something like

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'Ahhh, this must be the portion of the family dinner where we all talk about our past relationships! Does anyone else want to talk about their exes? Dad, how about your exwife from when you got married at 20? Mom, anyone? BF and fiance... do you want to talk about any of your exes? Sister, how about we talk about your exHusband or exBF? I heard exhusband is finally selling the house.'

It was dead quiet for what seemed like an eternity until I was told I was wildly inappropriate. I mentioned that I thought it was wildly inappropriate at all to bring up anyone's ex while everyone's significant other is sitting right there. There was an argument.

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Fiance and I excused ourselves and we went home. Got some texts afterwards about how I ruined dinner and I should apologize but I don't think I'm the one who should be apologizing. I see this as a 'you can serve it but not take it' situation so I don't feel I owe anyone an apology. AITA?

Family dinners can turn into minefields when past relationships become the main course. The OP, already stung by their family’s past judgment, faced renewed jabs about their ex, painting them as foolish. Their sharp retort, dragging everyone’s exes into the spotlight, was a defensive jab that escalated tensions.

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Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Healthy families respect individual boundaries and avoid shaming past choices.” The family’s focus on the OP’s ex, especially in front of partners, ignored this. A 2022 survey found 65% of people feel family gatherings often breach personal boundaries, amplifying discomfort.

This reflects a broader issue: navigating sensitive topics in families. The OP could have calmly redirected the conversation, but their family’s insensitivity set the stage. Moving forward, setting clear rules—like no ex talk—could prevent repeat offenses.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit users dished out spicy takes and sharp advice on this family feud. Here’s what they said:

zipfsch − NTA You did not ruin dinner. They could have taken it in good grace and then changed the topic, but they didn’t.

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AprilL4163 − ESH. I was on NTA until you mentioned including asking your fiance and sister's boyfriend about their exes. They didn't do anything to deserve your family's drama. Everyone sucks except for the two of them.

ninasimonerules − NTA. You were standing up for yourself. I like the way you handled it. I personally would have a word with the participants and suggest they may want to knock it off in future as you'll handle it exactly the same in future.

[Reddit User] − NTA, and I rather think you have something of a flair for the appropriate.

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Krak2511 − INFO. Did you say 'can we talk about something else' (or something similar) or try to change the topic somehow before you said that?

hajitaha − ESH. OP did an a**hole move, but it's definitely more justified than what his/her family did. That said, you could've diffused that situation in a much more peaceful way,by trying to switch topics, or saying you're uncomfortable talking about your ex.. In case that doesn't work, then you could've resorted to this.

[Reddit User] − NTA you did not ruin dinner, they did. If they don’t want want to talk about things that make themselves uncomfortable they shouldn’t force the conversation into others.

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Deadly9750 − ESH. They shouldn't be talking about ex's at a family dinner. You could have handled it better though.

Otherwise_Window − NTA. They totally deserved it.

IvalicianWarlock − NTA your family was incredibly inconsiderate and frankly rude to. 1. Bring up YOUR past relationship at dinner without asking you if it was ok. 2. Proceeding to crack jokes and talk s**t about the person and your relationship to them at the f**king dinner table.

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3. Get pissy over you calling out their behavior and reminding them they have past relationships they don’t want to be the subject of ridicule over family dinner. You have nothing to apologize for and I would stand firm on that. They ruined dinner the moment they decided your personal relationships were the topic of conversion without your volunteering or approval.

From clapping back to calling for calmer heads, these comments show how family drama stirs strong opinions. But do they point to peace or just more plates to break?

This story of a dinner derailed by ex talk highlights how quickly family fun can turn to friction. The OP’s clapback may have been sharp, but was it unwarranted? Could a gentler nudge or a firm boundary have saved the night? What would you do if your family crossed that line? Share your stories and solutions below—let’s keep this table talk going!

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