AITA for ruining dinner by pointing out one of my dad’s guests used to bu*ly me?

The clink of wine glasses filled the air, but the warmth of the elegant dining room couldn’t thaw the chill one guest felt. Seated among their father’s business associates, the Reddit user spotted a familiar face—Julian, a tormentor from their school days. His casual question, “Have we met?” lit a fuse, pulling old wounds to the surface. The room, adorned with crisp linens and flickering candles, turned into a stage for an unexpected showdown.

The user’s heart raced, torn between silence and the urge to speak out. Their parents, aware of Julian’s past cruelty, had invited him without warning, leaving the user blindsided. Readers can feel the sting of that betrayal—how could family overlook such pain? This story of courage and confrontation at a seemingly polite dinner hooks us into a tangle of loyalty, past hurts, and family expectations.

‘AITA for ruining dinner by pointing out one of my dad’s guests used to bu*ly me?’

Trapped at a formal dinner with their parents’ business crowd, the Reddit user faced a ghost from their past: Julian, a former bully. Here’s their raw account:

My parents were hosting dinner with some business associates of my dad’s and I was required to attend. One of the guests, Julian, was one of my school bullies. My parents both know that him and his friends used to bully me so I was upset that they would invite him to dinner without warning me beforehand.

I tried not to speak to him and just ate quietly but then he directly asked me if we had met before because I looked familiar. I probably could’ve lied but seeing his stupid arrogant face again annoyed me so I reminded him that he and his friends used to bully me.

At first, he denied it, but then I listed some of the things his friends did to me and he remembered. My dad was visibly angry by this point and I was upset too so I just excused myself because I didn’t want to make him angrier. Julian did try to apologise to me but I ignored him.

After everybody left my dad yelled at me for causing a scene, embarrassing him and acting like a child. He wants me to go to lunch with Julian since apparently after I left he kept telling everybody how awful he felt for what he did as a child and he wanted to make it up to me.. AITA?

Family dinners shouldn’t double as emotional ambushes, yet this Reddit user was blindsided by a past bully’s presence. Their choice to confront Julian was a bold stand, but their father’s anger—favoring business over his child’s feelings—steals the spotlight. The user’s hurt stems from a lack of parental support, while the father’s push for a lunch with Julian screams misplaced priorities. It’s a classic case of image over empathy.

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Bullying’s long-term effects are no small matter. A 2021 study by the American Psychological Association found that 20% of adults report lingering emotional impacts from childhood bullying, like anxiety or low self-esteem. The father’s dismissal risks deepening this pain, signaling that business trumps family.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Validating a child’s emotions builds trust; dismissing them breeds resentment”. Here, the father’s reaction undermines trust, pushing the user to reconcile for his sake. The user should calmly explain their hurt to their father, emphasizing why Julian’s presence stung. Declining the lunch respects their boundaries.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up opinions spicier than the dinner’s main course. Here’s the crowd’s take, raw and unfiltered:

Aiyokusama − NTA your dad set you up and is mad that you didn't roll over like a good little victim.

mzpljc − NTA. Your dad is the a**hole. I would be reducing contact with my dad after this.

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tosser9212 − NTA, but your father is - for thinking that his business associate is more important than his child. I'm going to Julian's okay on this one.

Initial denials notwithstanding (because no one wants to think of themselves as evil), he's has apparently matured into remorse for past behaviours, and learning that the effects of said behaviours are long-lasting isn't a bad thing for him.. Good luck with your father. He's the real problem here.

readshannontierney − NTA. What's wrong with your father?

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Mortis_Limpkins − INFO: Did your dad know this was the same Julian who used to bully you? I mean, I had good parents, but I don’t think they’d recognize any of my school friends after years.

jimmap − NTA. How old are you and Julian? I wouldn't go to lunch or ever bother meeting with him. He would probably just be lying to you to make himself look better in your dad's eyes. Your parents probably forgot Julian bullied you.

MountainHistory5848 − NTA. What a horrible parent your dad is. You did nothing wrong OP and neither should you feel like you did.

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Your parents are so inconsiderate it’s pathetic. If you do not want to forgive Julian you shouldn’t have to, don’t give in, bullying is not something that should be taken lightly and I’m sorry you had to go through that. Are your parents always this inconsiderate towards your feelings or just you in general?

snickers_the_rat − NTA either way. But. INFO: youre female, arent you?. My gut says, Julian only wants to apologize cause He likes you/your looks now.

[Reddit User] − Your father values his business associates more than his son. Nice.. NTA. I’m proud of what you did. Your father should be too.

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[Reddit User] − Hmm..... you are NTA. Your dad clearly is.Julian.... maybe he was an AH when you were younger, but the way that you have written this, he may have genuine remorse about what happened in the past.

Clearly he cannot 'make up' for all the crap he and his friends had done, and there is no way you should be forced to spend time with him. If he is trying to make amends for what he did, then he would need to work that out with you directly, and not through your dad (who clearly has a motive for you spending time with him).. Good luck OP.

These are Reddit’s loudest voices, but do they nail the truth? Is Julian’s apology sincere, or is Dad just playing business chess with his kid’s emotions?

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This dinner-turned-drama proves old scars don’t fade under fancy chandeliers. The Reddit user’s bravery in calling out their bully shines, but their father’s business-first attitude leaves a bitter aftertaste. Should family loyalty bow to professional gain, or should parents protect their kids from past pain? If a childhood bully crashed your family dinner, how would you handle it? Drop your thoughts below—let’s stir the pot!

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