AITA for “ruining” a family dinner?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a cozy family dinner, buzzing with excitement to meet a brother-in-law’s new girlfriend, moving closer to home after years apart. The host rolls up her sleeves, crafting a rare, mouthwatering lasagna homemade sauce, fresh sheets, a labor of love for 19 guests. Plates clear, laughs echo, and all seems golden.

Then chaos pounces: Tinkerbell, the family’s tough old mutt, barfs up beef and cheese. The culprit? The new girlfriend, a vegan, quietly fed the dog her share. Tempers flare, apologies spill, and tears flow, turning a warm welcome into a night of glares. A recipe for drama unfolds!

‘AITA for “ruining” a family dinner?’

My BIL recently annouced that he has a serious gf and that they are hoping to move in together. This is a big deal since he lives in a different state and we never get to see him, but they plan to move closer to home. Great. Everybody is happy. Ok so now it's time to meet the girl.

BIL suggests we all get together and he introduces her to everybody at once. Even better. I suggest we have dinner at out place. BIL and gf agree. So far so good.. This is where the shitstorm starts brewing. A few times a year I make this lasagna dish.

I almost never make it since it's a huge pain in the ass to make it. I make my own tomato sauce and lasagne sheets. It takes forever but in the end it's worth it. So I make the lasagna for 19 people. BIL comes over, we meet the girl, everything is going great, the plates are empty and nothing seemed weird.

Half an hour later my kid comes out and yells 'Tinkerbell barfed'. Tinkerbell is our dog, the kids named her so don't judge. Anyway I go clean it up no big deal. Except she barfed up my lasagne. I can clearly see the cheeese and the beef. Someone fed my f**king lasagne to the dog. Now I am upset. Not angry just upset.

Now the grand finale. BIL's gf comes over and offers to help with the clean up. Great. Then she admits it was her. She's vegan. She is very very sorry. She didn't think it would hurt the dog. She is oh so sorry. I on the other hand am PISSED. I did raise my voice at her but it was nowhere near yelling.

I was angry as f**k but i walked away without saying what I actually wanted to say. Now the girl starts crying. Everybody hears it. I explain but everybody thinks I'm a huge b**ch. Dinner is ruined. They only person who took my side is my mother in law.. So, am I the a**hole is this scenario?

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EDIT: oldest kid admitted to husband that she saw BIL'S gf giving 'something' to the dog. Bil called like an hour ago saying that the girl is devastated and was afraid of being 'that' kind of a vegan so she panicked and just fed half od it to the dog. She offered to take us all out to eat as an apology. Now it's official I'm a b**ch..

EDIT 2 : The dog is fine. She's an old mutt but she's tough as hell.. Last EDIT I swear. The dinner was yesterday. OK THIS IS THE LAST EDIT: Again I was never close to yelling at the girl but I did say some things that might sound harsh.

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I can't quote exactly what I said but my first question was 'WHAT were you thinking?'. Also I said something along the lines of 'do you know how much spices I put in the food dogs can't handle that'. Last thing was something like 'just go outside I'll clean it up.'

A labor-intensive lasagna, crafted with care, lands in a dog’s belly when a vegan guest, new to the family, panics in a tough spot. The host’s frustration spiced with sharp words meets the girlfriend’s tears, souring a big night. Good intentions and a sick pup collide in a classic mix-up.

Dietary needs can trip up any gathering. A 2023 survey by the Plant Based Foods Association shows 6% of Americans are vegan, yet many hosts miss the memo. The brother-in-law’s silence left the guest floundering, her sneaky move a clumsy bid to fit in.

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Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner, in her book The Dance of Anger, notes, “Clarity in conflict keeps us connected; blame breaks us apart”. The host’s upset was fair—dogs and rich food don’t mix but a gentler tone might have eased the sting. The guest’s regret and offer to make amends show heart.

Moving forward, clear chats before meals dodge surprises ask about diets early. A laugh over this mess could mend bonds, especially with a pup now wagging again. Missteps happen; grace and a redo dinner might turn this into a tasty tale for years.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit leans toward the host, nodding at her right to fume. Feeding lasagna to Tinkerbell without a word—risky and rude—drew heat, with blame tossed at the brother-in-law for skipping the vegan heads-up.

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Sympathy sways both ways: the guest’s panic earns a pass, but her move baffled many. Voices cheer the host’s restraint, urge a reset, and chuckle at a night gone to the dogs. Intentions clashed, lessons landed.

Martino231 − This is an interesting one - I think you're going to get a wide variety of judgements here.. I'm going to say NTA. Your BIL really should have mentioned beforehand that she was vegan. I do feel for her because it must be extremely awkward meeting your boyfriend's family for the first time only to have them serve something that you can't eat.

With 18 other people around all gathered with the sole purpose of meeting you - it would be incredibly awkward to suddenly announce that you can't eat the meal because you're vegan. That said, feeding it to the dog wasn't a great way of dealing with it.

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This ultimately sounds like a miscommunication for which neither of you are really at fault. I mean I guess you could have asked beforehand if she had any dietary requirements but to be honest I'd say the onus was on your BIL there.

Try not to hold too much resentment against her. Put yourself in her shoes and just imagine how tough a situation that would have been to deal with. She made a silly decision but to be honest there weren't many things she could have done that didn't make her look like an a**hole. 

[Reddit User] − NTA. Yes you raised your voice, but she fed your dog human food without permission! I thought vegans were supposed to love animals, this one sure has no problems treating them as walking garbage disposals.

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Hapless_Asshole − NTA. I was initially going to say there weren't any, but then I thought, 'Why the heck didn't her BIL mention that his new girlfriend is vegan?' That's a major factor in planning a meal! It's also a pretty big thing to 'forget' to mention to a hostess.

There were a million things you could have done to accommodate her diet. I feel awfully sorry for your BIL's girlfriend, though -- no wonder she cried. Of course, feeding the lasagna to the dog was a pretty a**hole move. Poor Tink.

[Reddit User] − NAH. Vegan here, so I will be downvoted to hell. I can 100% understand you being pissed because 1) she fed a meal you painstakingly prepared to your dog and 2) she could have killed your dog. However, I can assure you this girl feels awful. Let me give you some perspective - Imagine the following reddit post:

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***TIFU by nearly killing a dog to avoid hurting a hostess’s feelings.*** *My new boyfriend invited me to meet is family, and we were invited for a meal. I have never met these people or spoken to them. Imagine my surprise when I walk in to a party of almost 20 people.

Then I learnt that his SIL had prepared her famous lasagna dish – she spent HOURS on this, as she makes her lasagna sheets and tomato sauce from scratch! My genius boyfriend never told them that I am vegan. Thanks honey.

I absolutely panicked – I really like my BF and I really don’t want to be that kind of vegan on the first FIRST f**king day I met his family! Cue the f**k-up: I surreptitiously fed my serving to their dog, who was super grateful. Bullet dodged. Until the one kid yelled “Tinkerbell barfed!” Of course. The rich lasagna was not suitable for their elderly canine.

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SIL was pissed. I try to rescue things and head over to help her clean up. I confess that it was me and tell her that I am really sorry. She turns around and walks off without saying a word. I started bawling. Disaster. I offered to take everyone out for dinner to make amends, but BF’s mother and SIL were still angry. Thank God the doggo was fine. Please kill me now.*

I would like to add that I am not downplaying how sick the dog could have gotten; I have a very sensitive dog, and this would actually have lead to a vet visit. Hopefully you can both see the situation for what it is and move past it. It may be a funny story for you guys to bond over one day.

PlatypusAnagram − Lots of people have already addressed the main issues (your BIL is the real problem, for not mentioning it). I just wanted to add one thing for you to keep in mind going forward: It sounds like this woman is a thoughtful person, who did her best to handle an awkward situation.

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She must have been very hungry! But she prioritized keeping things going smoothly because she valued your family and building a relationship with you. It's true that the path she chose was stupid and even dangerous for your dog. But people make mistakes.

What I'm trying to point out is what this mistake was made in the service of attempting to be an undemanding guest, on a day that was very important to her, because your and BIL and his family are obviously important to her. Many people would have been more selfish or self-centered.

Try keeping that in mind in the future when thinking about this woman and her place in your family. (It could even be worth saying as much to your BIL or to her; recognizing the good intentions behind someone's mistake is a great way to start a reconciliation.)

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rottenpoetry − INFO. You don’t tell us what specifically you said to her, just that you didn’t say everything you wanted to say and the aftermath - you raised your voice, she cried, everyone heard it. Knowing the contents of what you said might be crucial information in determining if this is N-T-A or E-S-H, but what I can say is this:

If she was vegan, she (EDIT: or your brother-in-law, if you were in contact with him) should have told you so from the beginning, so you could plan accordingly with what to make; it’s surprising to me that neither mentioned it.

And regardless of whether she’s vegan or not she never should have fed even a small bite of food to the dog without your permission, and she could have made the dog seriously sick through her actions. So she’s definitely an a**hole in this situation, even if she did try to apologize and offer to help cleanup.

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However, whether or not you are also an a**hole depends on what specifically was said; being angry is justified, but there’s a huge difference between “How could you do this to my dog?! What were you thinking?!” and launching into a profanity-filled tirade.

alittlebitiffy − NTA. My dog has red meat protein allergies, had she done that in my house my dog would be dead. You didn't ruin the family dinner, she did with her stupidity and poor decision making.

literally87 − NTA. She shouldn’t have fed your meal or any meal to the dog, and you had a right to be upset. It sounds like you were restrained. And also yeah BIL should have told you about dietary restrictions or BIL’s gf should have just declined to eat.

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baristashay − ESH. Dude I get it. I cook. It's a pain to make a nice dinner and it sucks when people don't eat it. She should have told you she was vegan and feeding it to your dog was not the right way to go about it.

But she was scared. First time meeting everyone, she was bound to be nervous and want to make a good impression. She didn't want to be 'that' vegan and she f**ked up. She tried to help you clean. She apologized.

[Reddit User] − NTA feeding things to someone else's dog is a d**k move, especially something full of onions/garlic etc. and rich sauces.

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A family dinner, plated with homemade lasagna, crumbled when a vegan guest fed the dog, sparking a mess and a tense showdown. Upset flared, tears fell, and a night of welcome veered off course yet apologies hint at hope. Tinkerbell’s fine, but bonds need a boost. What would you do with a meal mishap this wild? Share your takes, stories, or wisdom below let’s savor this spicy saga together!

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