AITA for rudely telling my SIL that I’m not babysitting my own kid?

Picture a bustling grocery store, a proud new dad juggling a cart and his 10-month-old daughter’s giggles, when his sister-in-law drops a casual comment that lights a fuse. Calling his time with his daughter “babysitting,” she unwittingly taps into a tired stereotype, prompting a sharp retort that leaves her stunned. What started as a lighthearted encounter turns into a family feud over respect and roles.

This Reddit tale, brimming with parenting passion, captures the sting of outdated assumptions about fatherhood. The dad’s fiery response to his sister-in-law’s quip raises questions about gender norms and family dynamics. Was his tone too harsh, or was her comment the real misstep? Let’s unpack this relatable clash and explore the heart of modern parenting.

‘AITA for rudely telling my SIL that I’m not babysitting my own kid?’

My girlfriend gave birth to our daughter 10 months ago, and it's been a bunch of sleepless nights, dirty nappies, and a lot of stress - but nevertheless, she is my pride and joy. My girlfriend and I try to spilt baby duties in half (as much as we can, she still does significantly more the work than me simply because she's a mum)

and I wouldn't have it any other way. My girlfriend still has other obligations to attend to, so the best way I think I can support her is by helping out. My girlfriend wanted to get her hair done at the hair salon, which meant I would have the baby for a few hours - perfectly fine.

I was doing some light shopping when I bumped into my SIL. She was pretty stoked to see her niece - and then she told me that it was cute that my daughter and I were having a 'daddy's day.' I thought it was cute.

Then, she asked basic questions about 'where my girlfriend was, how my girlfriend was, what my girlfriend was doing etc' My SIL, to make small talk I presume, then asked me 'How babysitting was going?' and when I was confused.

She elaborated by making assumptions about how I'm not used to spending time with my daughter alone. I corrected her assumptions, but then she started chuckling (as if I was joking) so I rudely told her that I'm not babysitting my own kid - because that would be absurd.

I think she was taken aback by the harshness of my tone, and kind of just walked away from the conversation. She then proceeded to text me, 'You didn't have to get so offended over me asking you how babysitting was going.' . My girlfriend is on my side, but my brother and my SIL obviously aren't. AITA?

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This grocery store spat is a snapshot of how outdated stereotypes can spark modern tensions. The dad’s sharp rebuke to his sister-in-law’s “babysitting” comment defends his role as an equal parent, but its harshness stirred family drama. Her assumption reflects a lingering bias that dads are secondary caregivers, not primary parents.

Gender norms in parenting are shifting. A 2023 Pew Research study found 63% of fathers now share childcare duties equally or more than mothers, challenging old views of dads as “babysitters”. The sister-in-law’s comment, though likely meant as small talk, hit a nerve.

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Parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham notes, “Assuming fathers are less involved dismisses their role and undermines equal parenting”. Here, the dad’s reaction, while blunt, was a stand for his identity as a hands-on parent. His girlfriend’s support suggests they share this value, but a softer tone might have clarified without escalating.

This story highlights broader issues of gender expectations in families. Open dialogue—like explaining why “babysitting” stings—could foster understanding. The dad might reflect on his delivery, while the sister-in-law could rethink her assumptions.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s take on this parenting clash is as lively as a toddler’s tantrum! From cheers for the dad’s stand against stereotypes to gentle nudges about his tone, the community dishes out a mix of support and critique.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Dad's aren't babysitters to their own children and that is such a f**ked up mindset, no matter how common it is. There's a difference. Good for you!! Tell her stay mad then. 🤷‍♀️. Parents, *of any form [biological/step/adopted/etc]*, aren't babysitters to their kids, period.

[Reddit User] - NTA, also you are not 'helping' your gf with the baby, as it's your baby as well (you also don't 'help' with any chores as a matter of fact, you take part in them as you live there too, etc).

When you say your gf does more around the baby 'because she is a mum', I hope you mean that she is a stay at home mum and you work, not implying that the mum is supposed to do the heavy lifting no matter what.

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Critical_Aspect - NTA Your response was perfect, and her text proves that she still doesn't get it.

PurpleProboscis - Tentatively NTA because I hate when people call dad's babysitters, but you might also look at how you talk about the way you help with your daughter. For example, you say your girlfriend still does significantly more simply because she's the mum.

Apart from breastfeeding, what can she do that you can't? It shouldn't be a significant amount. You also phrase it as 'helping her out', implying childcare is her duty and your assistance is merely helping her in her duties, which is almost like calling yourself her minder while mom takes care of her 'other obligations'.

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Depending on the way you talk about it with family compared to what you've typed here, maybe you've accidentally planted these seeds. Just one take based off a very pedantic reading of your post. Sometimes people are just assholes. I still think NTA pending any potential comments and replies that would provide further insight.

lightwoodorchestra - INFO: what exactly does 'she still does significantly more of the work than me simply because she's a mum' mean?

DaTinMon - NTA what you doing is called parenting.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. People make this assumption about dads a lot and it is harmful. I’m a mom and I’ve seen dads at the store, park, gymnastics class, story time, etc get so much praise just for simply being out with their child and taking them to an activity alone lol. I’m glad to see you don’t have those same thoughts!

Outside-Question - NTA. It shits me off when people assume that dads don't put effort into raising their own kids. You weren't babysitting to give mum a break you were being your daughters dad.

depressivedarkling - NtA. Dad's don't babysit. It's called parenting. People need to stop making that assumption about men. It's sexist, rude and completely uncalled for.

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[Reddit User] - INFO. how did you actually word your response? I get what you’re saying (you’re parenting, not babysitting) but she still doesn’t. So what did you actually say to her?

These reactions highlight the tension between intent and impact, but do they capture the full nuance of this family dynamic?

This dad’s grocery store showdown proves that even small comments can spark big feelings about parenting roles. His fierce defense of fatherhood challenges outdated norms, but the family fallout shows words carry weight. With his girlfriend in his corner, it’s a reminder to stand tall but speak kindly. Have you ever faced a jab that questioned your role? How would you handle this parenting clash? Share your stories below!

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