AITA for revealing to my cousin’s autistic daughter that pork/bacon and “nuggets” are made of meat?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy virtual family gathering, the glow of a laptop screen united relatives to celebrate a newborn’s arrival. Laughter and baby coos filled the air, but the mood shifted when a casual comment about food turned a joyful moment into a family firestorm. A 13-year-old girl, passionate about her vegan lifestyle, learned a shocking truth about her dinner, leaving her parents fuming and the family divided. This tale of honesty, misunderstanding, and dietary deception unravels a delicate balance of trust and parenting choices, pulling readers into a relatable yet thorny dilemma.

The story centers on a well-meaning relative who, during a video call, unwittingly exposed a hidden truth to their cousin’s autistic daughter. What seemed like an innocent remark spiraled into hurt feelings and accusations, raising questions about honesty, respect, and family boundaries. With emotions running high, this Reddit saga invites us to explore the complexities of supporting a child’s values while navigating family dynamics.

‘AITA for revealing to my cousin’s autistic daughter that pork/bacon and “nuggets” are made of meat?’

Was doing a family video call with a bunch of different people from my family, celebrating the birth of my daughter. One of my cousins in the call has a 13-year-old daughter who is autistic. She frequently brings up how she’s vegan. Understandable, since that’s one of her “special focuses” as her parents call it.

Her daughter enters their room during the call and mentions she wants dinner. My cousin said “there’s bacon on the stove from earlier and nuggets in the freezer.” This confused me, since she was still so obsessed with a vegan lifestyle a week prior. When she looked at the call and commented on how cute the baby was, I said “Thank you.

I’m surprised you eat pig and chicken meat now. You retire from being a vegan?” She had a confused look on her face. Her parents looked bothered and slightly shook their heads at the camera subtly. She asked me what I meant. Here’s where I may have been the a**hole, because as a parent, I think lying to your daughter about something as severe as their health choices is disrespectful.

Despite their expressions, I said “Bacon is pork, which is pig. Nuggets are usually chicken. I mean, maybe your parents are giving you meat-substitutes, so that’s cool too.” Her parents FLIPPED on me. She started crying and ran out of the room, her dad screamed “Are you f**king kidding me?” and stomped off after her, and my cousin called me a “scumbag” and hung up.

The rest of my family just kind of sighed and we went back to talking about my daughter and how everyone is doing during Covid. The next day my mom called and said my cousin’s pissed at me because “Now she won’t eat meat” and apprently lying was the only way she would eat “healthier.”

Mom said she agrees that I was an a**hole, because I should have known that was a line not to cross. Something about “Not your daughter, not your problem. You have your own daughter to worry about.” Added INFO: She is a vegan because she hates dead animals, and that’s the only reason. She can eat anything without problem as long as she knows it’s not a dead animal. So, am I the a**hole?

Tl;dr: Told cousin’s autistic vegan daughter the truth about bacon and nuggets being meat, now some family think I crossed a line. Also f**k anyone who’s making implications or negative comments about my daughter. Don’t bring her into this, assholes. This is about me possibly being an a**hole for teaching a person about food.

No need to imply I should pray my daughter doesn’t grow up with mental problems. Alright, I’ve got the opinions I needed. Majority says NTA, including opinions from autistic members, family members of people with autism, and other people with experience in all of this.

Thanks for the opinions. I won’t be reading any more, since I’m getting tired of the occasional “I hope your daughter suffers/dies” comments. Thank you to everyone who gave legitimate, fair answers and shared their reasoning.

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Update: After many long discussions with multiple family members, I have new information. According to my aunt who babysits this girl frequently, she has zero problems eating other foods. It’s literally just that she hates animal cruelty.

According to my uncle, the reason they didn’t want her to know about it was because sometimes it was more convenient to cook one big meal for the family than multiple separate meals for each individual, and sometimes the parents wanted meat.

Other foods I was told she has been eating is ham slices and bologna (being told they are types of exotic cheese.) he had been known to eat products with egg in it without caring, despite knowing what it is, so it’s not like her diet is ruined.

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This is far from child abuse, so those of you who claimed it as that, put your pitchforks down. It was merely laziness from her family and them taking a**hole shortcuts, choosing to disregard their autistic daughter’s moral views so they have less food to cook daily. End of story.

This family’s video call mishap reveals the tricky terrain of parenting a child with autism while respecting their choices. Dr. Temple Grandin, a renowned autism advocate, emphasizes in her book The Autistic Brain that individuals with autism often thrive on clear, factual communication (source). The parents’ decision to hide the truth about meat likely stemmed from convenience, but it undermined their daughter’s autonomy. By prioritizing ease over honesty, they risked eroding trust, especially critical for a teen whose veganism reflects her moral stance against animal cruelty.

The OP’s revelation, though unintended, aligns with broader issues of respecting dietary preferences. A 2021 study from the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders notes that autistic individuals often have strong ethical convictions, and supporting their choices fosters self-esteem (source). Here, the parents’ lie could have long-term effects, as their daughter might feel betrayed upon discovering the deception, especially in a public setting.

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Dr. Grandin advises that parents should provide clear explanations tailored to a child’s understanding, rather than withholding truths. The OP’s blunt honesty, while poorly timed, opened a door for the teen to assert her values. For parents, preparing vegan meals might feel burdensome, but resources like the Vegan Society offer simple family-friendly recipes (source). Instead of criticism, the family could explore these options together, reinforcing trust and respect.

To move forward, the parents could acknowledge their daughter’s feelings, explain their intentions, and commit to supporting her veganism. This approach not only rebuilds trust but also models accountability, encouraging open dialogue within the family.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of support and sharp takes with their usual flair. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the online crowd, buzzing with opinions on this meaty family drama.

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Asshole-Expert − NTA She is 13. Autistic doesn’t mean stupid and she was going to find out, probably in a very public and embarrassing way at school... The parents are assholes for creating the problem in the first place.

little-angelfuck − as ur friendly token autist , OP, NTA, your cousin was going to find out inevitably. what was the plan here. how were they planning to keep your cousin in the dark forever??

WhyIsEvrUsrNmTaken − NTA. Whether autistic or not, the girl deserves her choice to be respected! Instead of doing some research on veganism, nutrition, etc. and helping her eat healthy, her parents chose to lie to her. Plus frozen nuggets and bacon are not even healthy foods. Sounds to me like they just couldn't be bothered to make an effort.

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Jumpyropes − NTA. I understand that people will say it's not your place to reveal lies that her parents told her, but imo if you lie to someone, you have to deal with the fact that the lie will likely eventually be revealed. They're just pissed that they can't get away with lying to their daughter anymore. They should have known that one day she'd find out that they were feeding her meat when she didn't want it.

Final_Commission4160 − Um. Bacon and chicken nuggets aren’t “healthier” sounds like maybe they don’t want to make the effort to make good vegan food.

emz272 − NTA, trying to hide that bacon and nuggets are meat from your child is pretty messed up, and infantilizing. That’s pretty disgusting behavior on their part, and it sounds like you just followed your understandable surprise, which is natural. She was going to find out someday, and better it be with family rather than being humiliated by her peers..

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(Also... suggesting your child just eat bacon and nuggets for dinner is also pretty gross...) It sounds like her parents are o**rwhelmed with her needs and preferences, and are dealing with that very poorly. And trying to bring the rest of the family with them.

daisy_golightly − As the parent of a child with autism, NTA. I’d never lie to my kiddo about something like that, because they are so fact driven that they would find out one way or another. IMO, you potentially saved her from some major awkwardness. Can you imagine her talking about being vegan and then talking about loving bacon and nuggets? Or making vegan friends and ordering pancakes and bacon?

EAM85 − Info- how autistic is she? Is she basically a functional 13 yo? Or is she mentally a younger child. It's ok to lie to little kids, because they can't always understand things, but if she's mentally a teenager you're a good person

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perfectlyaligned − NTA. It's not your fault they lied to their kid and didn't tell anyone not to mention the origins of bacon and nuggets to her. They brought it up in the first place, on a video conference, and since their daughter always talks about being vegan,

of course that would beg the question. I would be curious, too. The toothpaste was already out of the tube even before you specified what type of meat these items were and it's irrational to blame you for the fallout of their lies.

[Reddit User] − NTA - Yeah she’s 13. You’re allowed to tell her Santa isn’t real too.

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These Redditors rallied behind the OP, calling out the parents’ deception while empathizing with the teen’s distress. Many argued that honesty outweighs convenience, but do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the family feud?

This family’s clash over a vegan teen’s diet reveals the delicate dance of honesty, parenting, and respect for individual choices. The OP’s truth bomb, though messy, exposed a deeper issue: balancing convenience with a child’s autonomy. As the dust settles, it’s clear that open communication could have prevented this blowup, leaving room for growth and understanding. What would you do if you stumbled into a similar family dilemma? Share your thoughts and experiences—how would you navigate this tricky terrain?

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