AITA for resenting my mom?

In a quiet suburban home, a 16-year-old girl sits in her room, the weight of years of unspoken hurt pressing down like a heavy fog. Once, her mother was the heart of every class party, baking cookies and driving for field trips, but that warmth vanished when work took over. Now, after years of being raised by her grandparents, a heated argument erupts, laying bare a painful truth: her mother chose her job over her daughter. The Reddit community buzzes with opinions, but who’s really in the wrong here?

This story unfolds with raw emotion, pulling readers into a family dynamic where love and neglect collide. As the teen grapples with resentment, her mother’s absence raises questions about duty, parenting, and reconciliation. Let’s dive into her story, explore the Reddit reactions, and unpack the deeper issues at play with a touch of humor and heart.

‘AITA for resenting my mom?’

My (f16) mom was a SAHM until I was in 4th grade when she got a job as a teaching assistant. She said it would be great because she’ll have something to do when I’m in school and she’ll have weekends and breaks off. It was great at first and she seemed happier but around a month later she started tutoring after school, on breaks,

and on weekends all day and I couldn’t be in the house when she was tutoring because it was too distracting for the kids so I started going to my grandparents house during the day. My mom went from being room mom and making dessert for class parties and driving on field trips to never taking a day off or canceling a tutoring session for anything.

My grandparents drove me to school/picked me up, and took me to all my softball practices and games and took care of me when I was sick and took me to all my doctor/dentist/orthodontist appointments. I would go home to sleep and that’s it.

My parents would leave on weekends to “take a break” so I slept at my grandparents house on weekends. My grandpa started driving on field trips and my grandma cooked for every class party (my classes all got used to Arabic food because of her).

The only time my mom ever took a day off work was when her brother died 2 years ago. She refused to take me to the funeral because she “couldn’t deal with me”. Now I’m in my junior year and my mom and I don’t talk. I don’t think she even knows how old I am. My grandparents and I are very close because they’re the ones that raised me since 4th grade.

I came home one night and my mom started yelling at me for never talking to her and complaining that we aren’t close anymore. I yelled back that it’s because she abandoned me when I was 9 and always cared more about her job than me and went back to my grandparents house.. My mom’s back to pretending I don’t exist and now I feel bad.

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Edit: I asked my grandparents why my parents are like this and my grandpa said all he knows is my dad called him one day and told him they don’t want to be parents anymore with no explanation on why. Edit 2: this was their compromise. My parents were going to give me up and put me in foster care (legal in my state).

This tale of a mother’s absence cuts deep, revealing the sting of emotional neglect. The daughter’s resentment is a natural response to a childhood overshadowed by her mother’s work obsession. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, notes in a 2019 article on Psychology Today (psychologytoday.com), “Emotional availability is the cornerstone of secure attachment in families.” Here, the mother’s choice to prioritize work over presence fractured that bond, leaving her daughter to seek stability elsewhere.

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The opposing perspectives are clear: the daughter craves connection, while the mother, perhaps overwhelmed or driven by unseen pressures, withdrew. This isn’t just about one family—it reflects a broader issue of work-life balance. A 2021 study by the American Psychological Association found 60% of parents struggle to balance work and family, often at the cost of emotional closeness (apa.org). The mother’s extreme absence, coupled with the foster care consideration, suggests deeper personal or marital struggles.

What could the daughter do? Experts suggest open communication, perhaps through family therapy, to address hurt and rebuild trust. For now, leaning on her grandparents’ support offers stability. The mother, too, could benefit from reflecting on her choices and seeking professional guidance to reconnect. Small steps, like shared activities, could mend the rift, but only if both sides are willing.

Ultimately, this story highlights the need for parents to stay emotionally present. Neglect, even unintentional, leaves scars. As Gottman advises, “Small, consistent moments of connection can heal even the deepest wounds.” The path forward lies in mutual effort and understanding, but the daughter’s feelings are valid—and her voice deserves to be heard.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes, and they’re serving up empathy with a side of shade. Here’s what the community had to say about this family drama:

ifsnakescouldspeak − NTA All im hearing is she basically didn't parent you or ever see you and you were raised by your grandparents. You have full rights to resent her because it seems like she chose her job and money over you. I'm so sorry :( Also, uh, taking every weekend off as a 'break from your kids' is not normal behaviour and is incredibly unfair. Also, what happened on birthdays?

ironyinsideme − NTA, it’s not okay for any parent to just dump their child onto someone else, regardless of if they were your grandparents or not. I understand that it’s difficult to raise children but you don’t get to just “take a break” when you’ve decided to bring them into the world.. Your mom abandoned you and it’s justified that you feel angry about it. That’s not your fault.. ETA: what about your father? Is he in the picture?

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ComfortableZebra2412 − NTA that are some truly bizarre behavior something major must have happened for her to basically abandon you to your grandparents and have almost nothing to do with you for years where is your dad in all this

eugenesnewdream − NTA. My goodness, this took a turn. I was a SAHM until my oldest was 7. At that point I went back to work full-time and yeah, it led to me being a BIT less available for classroom volunteering and such, but this is way too far! Kicking you out of your own house so she could tutor? That's bizarre, she should have a separate space for that to minimize distractions,

but anyone being tutored in someone's home has to know there may be other people at home at the time. Letting your grandparents completely take over the parenting role is just too much. And then 'taking a break' every weekend? Do not feel bad for just speaking the truth to your mom. I'm glad at least you have your grandparents to care for you.

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xplantxcathx − NTA. Anyone saying otherwise must have judged before the edits or have poor reading comprehension. Your parents **emotionally neglected** and effectively **abandoned** you. I'm glad to hear that you were taken care of by your grandparents,

but you have every right to feel resentful towards your parents for their blatant and deliberate absence from your life. I'm sorry you had to go through this. If I were you, I'd work on moving in with your grandparents permanently and cutting contact with your parents until they apologize or unless otherwise necessary.

Majesticogopogo − NTA - honey go talk to your grandparents though. If they are the adults that you’re close to it is important to let them in on how you feel and maybe they can give some insight on your parents behaviour or help broker peace for you about the situation.

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Sometimes parents suck. Maybe they were struggling financially or in their relationship and didn’t want to tell you. It doesn’t excuse their behaviour, but sometimes we have to be more adult their our parents and try to understand them to foster peace.

Dood74 − INFO: did your mom go back to work because your family needed the money? Where was your dad this whole time?

[Reddit User] − NTA- holy crap your two edits broke my heart. JFC your parents are horrible people. Move to your grandparents if you can and go NC with your parents. Doesn’t seem like they’ll care anyway. Live your life and don’t give those s**tty people you call parents another light of day.

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Diamond-TTB − NTA- I want you to remember the moment your grandfather told you that your parents 'didn't want to be parents anymore', and were ready to dump you in foster care. Why? There will come a time when suddenly, they want to be proud parents or grandparents. Remember that selfish, entitled, loveless moment.

You have every reason to resent both your parents. They are horrible people who only think of themselves. Place your trust and love in your grandparents. Move in with them if you can and leave the other two behind. Don't even think about them. Move on and enjoy your life.

Lopsided_Marketing64 − NTA. Sorry you have s**tty parents

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These hot takes from Reddit are raw and real, but do they capture the full picture? Some see the parents as villains, while others wonder about unspoken struggles. Either way, the daughter’s pain resonates loud and clear.

This story leaves us with a bittersweet taste—a teen’s justified resentment, a mother’s absence, and grandparents who stepped up when it mattered most. It’s a reminder that parenting isn’t just about providing; it’s about being there. What would you do if you were this teen, caught between hurt and hope? Share your thoughts, experiences, or advice—have you ever faced a family rift like this? Let’s keep the conversation going!

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