AITA for reporting my ex step daughter to the military?
A Facebook post celebrating a young woman’s military enlistment caught the eye of her former stepmother, stirring unease. Years earlier, the stepdaughter was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, conditions the stepmother believed barred her from service. When the young woman admitted she hadn’t disclosed this to recruiters, claiming she felt “fine,” the stepmother acted swiftly, contacting the recruiter to report the omission. She insisted her motive was protective, fearing legal consequences for lying to the government.
The fallout was explosive. The stepdaughter, devastated, accused her of sabotaging her dreams, while her ex-husband severed all contact, enraged by the betrayal. As family ties frayed, the stepmother stood by her choice, but faced a wave of criticism for overstepping. This story delves into the murky waters of family loyalty, mental health stigma, and the consequences of unsolicited intervention.
‘AITA for reporting my ex step daughter to the military?’
This case illustrates the complexities of intervening in other people’s lives, especially when it comes to mental health. The woman crossed a line by reporting her former stepdaughter’s diagnosis to the military, despite claiming to be concerned about her. This decision not only violated privacy, but also perpetuated a stereotype about mental illness, implying that people who have suffered from depression or anxiety are not fit to serve. The girl, now an adult, had the right to make her own decisions about disclosing her health.
Depression and anxiety are common, and the military has a rigorous mental health evaluation process. If the girl had not disclosed her previous diagnosis and was now stable, the consequences could have been disqualification, not necessarily imprisonment. The woman’s actions without understanding the rules showed a lack of consideration, perhaps motivated more by personal motives than by concern.
The psychologist advised that intervening in a sensitive matter requires consent or a close relationship, which the woman did not have with her former stepdaughter. If she was concerned, she should have spoken to the girl’s father or encouraged her to make amends, rather than contacting the military directly. This action damages trust and family relationships.
To avoid a similar situation, respect the other person’s autonomy and learn before acting. The woman could have apologized to make amends, even if it was difficult, and learned to set boundaries. Readers in this situation should prioritize dialogue and avoid judging mental health. The story highlights the importance of respect and empathy when dealing with sensitive issues. Share your thoughts below.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Reddit users overwhelmingly labeled the woman as wrong, criticizing her for violating her ex-stepdaughter’s privacy and stigmatizing mental health by implying those with past diagnoses are unfit for service. They saw her actions as spiteful rather than protective, noting she should have discussed concerns with her ex-husband or stepdaughter first, not the recruiter.
Many veterans among the commenters clarified that nondisclosure of past mental health issues, if stable, rarely leads to jail time, debunking her fears. They urged her to stay out of the family’s affairs, emphasizing that her ex-stepdaughter’s choices and risks were hers to manage, not the stepmother’s to control.
This woman’s decision to report her ex-stepdaughter’s mental health history to the military, meant as concern, instead fractured family ties and exposed deep-seated biases. Her intervention, bypassing trust and dialogue, left her ex-stepdaughter’s dreams at risk and her ex-husband’s anger burning. As she reflects on the fallout, her story prompts us to consider the line between care and control. How would you handle concerns about a family member’s choices? Share your experiences or advice below—let’s keep the conversation going.
