AITA for removing all the cutlery and dishes in my shared apartment?

Imagine coming home to find your most cherished possessions—say, a set of delicate dishes passed down from your grandmother—being casually used by strangers at a party. For one Reddit user, this wasn’t just a fleeting irritation but the final straw in a saga of roommate disrespect. Their special cutlery and bowls, reserved solely for personal use due to deep sentimental value, were repeatedly grabbed despite clear rules.

After a bold move to lock away every pot, pan, and spoon in their room, they’re now facing a storm of roommate tantrums and accusations of being a “dicklord.” Was this a justified stand for respect, or an overreaction that’s turned a shared apartment into a battleground? Let’s dive into this juicy drama that’s got everyone picking sides.

‘AITA for removing all the cutlery and dishes in my shared apartment?’

I have always set a pretty basic rule for my roommates, and that is that only I can use a certain set of cutlery and dishes that has special sentimental value to me. All the other cookware, pots, pans, plates, and so on in the house belong to me,

but I told them they could feel free to use all of those things rather than have to go buy their own, which would add up to a pretty large amount. Things worked pretty well at first but over time I caught my roommates (all of them) using my special things.

After the third or so time I sat them down and reminded them that this stuff was off limits and wasn't to be used by anyone other than me. They all pleaded ignorance and claimed that they just grabbed whatever their hands found, and I told them to be more careful because it meant a lot to me.

I came home yesterday and found my roommates hosting a few friends of theirs and all of them were using my special bowls and cutlery and nothing else but that. I see no way for this to accidentally happen, they were absolutely trying to bait a reaction out of me,

but instead I just went to my room and waited for the guests to leave. After this during the middle of the night I took every pan, pot, knife, fork, bowl and plate and locked them in my room. It took up a lot of space but a point had to be made. Queue this morning, they wake up and find absolutely nothing available.

Queue bitching. Queue tantrums and accusations about me being a 'dicklord'. I don't give in and tell them that if they can't respect a basic rule they can buy their own s**t. I'm pretty confident in my decision and expect them to see my point after a good sit down and think,

but when I regaled my boyfriend with the details he said everyone was going to think I'm an ass for good now and I had only created an awkward situation that won't go. I have no regrets, and I don't think I'm an ass, but given I lurk this sub a lot I'm curious for your verdict in this matter. AITA?

This roommate saga is less about dishes and more about boundaries—or the lack thereof. The OP’s frustration stems from repeated violations of a clear rule, which feels like a personal betrayal given the sentimental value of their items. Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a psychology professor, notes, “In shared living, respect for personal property is a cornerstone of harmony. Ignoring boundaries signals a lack of empathy”. The roommates’ casual disregard, culminating in using only the off-limits items during a party, suggests either negligence or intentional provocation.

ADVERTISEMENT

Shared living often tests personal boundaries, with 40% of young adults in shared housing reporting conflicts over household items, per a 2021 Apartment Therapy survey. The OP’s decision to remove all kitchenware, while dramatic, was a response to feeling unheard. However, storing sentimental items in a communal space invited risk.

Dr. Whitbourne advises, “Protect cherished items by keeping them private, and address violations calmly to avoid escalation.” OP could return shared items but store their special set separately, perhaps in a locked cabinet. A house meeting to reset rules might also clear the air.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on this kitchenware caper, served with a side of humor and blunt advice. Here’s what the community dished out about this household showdown:

MonPetitCoeur − NTA You allowed them all to use your pans, pots, cutlery etc so they didn't have to spend money on their own. You told them just not to use something sentimental to you. They used it multiple times

ADVERTISEMENT

and then you had a sit down with them and explained again to not use it and why. They ignored all of that and used it when their friends were over. To make it worse they threw a tantrum the next morning that you put up your own stuff after they disrespected you

and didn't even apologize. In fact they called you names. I'd honestly keep all of your stuff in your room from now on and they can go to the store and start purchasing stuff they will need.

ADVERTISEMENT

Edit: Got a lot of replies. Someone said the roommate responded but I have no idea if that is real or not (If real then OP is the a**hole and not the roommates). So I'm just going on the post since I don't know what is real. Also, to the people who are saying 'this is what is wrong with this subreddit' 'No one listened to the META post' etc...

Yes, there are situations where you will still be the a**hole in real life even if the subreddit says you aren't the a**hole here but I don't personally believe that to be the case in this situation. At what point do we continue to allow people to be disrespectful to us for social points?

Some people clearly are more okay with this then I am, but my line was crossed with the tantrum and name calling which seems entitled to me. Will her roommates think she is an a**hole? Sure. But I don't. Sorry if that upsets some of you, but that's just my personal opinion.

ADVERTISEMENT

aevenora − INFO: Did you somehow separate the items you would want to be just for your own use? I mean it can be hard to check everytime you pick a spoon out of the drawer and try to remember if you were allowed to use that one.. If you clearly separate the ones for common use and the ones for yourself, NTA.

Milam1996 − ESH - communal areas are for communal things. You can’t occupy communal space with things specifically only you can use. Space is a rare commodity in shared living and you’re occupying it with your special belongings. Keep them in your room.

[Reddit User] − I'm gonna go against the grain here and say ESH, because sentiment display dishes should be kept in a display area rather than amongst the regular communal dishes. I'd also think it's strange that you would immediately assume they're baiting you?

ADVERTISEMENT

It seems more like negligence or wanting to impress their friends with the 'good china' rather than trying to actively start something. Not that that makes it okay but intent matters.

Maybe keep important sentimental things separate. It sucks that they used them after being asked not to, but seems more like thoughtlessness than aggressiveness. If it's that important to you though, keep those things separate.

[Reddit User] − YTA. Big time. Leaving aside the fact that it’s seriously weird to have “special” dishes and cutlery that only you can use because they’re “sentimental,” you left these items in the kitchen where they were evidently mixed in with the everyday items that everyone else uses.

ADVERTISEMENT

“I’m just going to leave all this important stuff out here in the open but only I can use it. You can’t touch it, ever!!!” How naive and selfish can you be. This is a shared space. Your personal items should be kept in your personal space, i.e. your room. You handled the situation completely wrong.

When you first noticed the issue, you had an opportunity to move your special items out of the kitchen where you would no longer risk them being used by your roommates. Instead, you left them there. Then, when it happened again you moved EVERYTHING else from the kitchen to your room,

which was a complete overreaction and d**k move. Your roommates shouldn’t have used your personal items but YTA for storing them in a shared space and for your ridiculous overreaction. Put the shared items back and put your special stuff in storage. Grow up and be a decent roommate.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − ESH. All of this is supremely childish. But this put me in mind of the post made yesterday about the difference between real-world perception and internet perception.. You come off here like a major a**hole, one who’s bent on revenge.

They used your stuff for cooking. You retaliate by hoarding all the utensils. This likely will be a story told about for years to come. For what it’s worth, I think they really suck for doing what they did. But I do think you’ll be seen as the largest a**hole.

Edit — look, I get it. If you reply to a comment close to the top, your comment has better visibility. But it’s been hours and this topic is not extremely interesting to begin with. Moving on.

ADVERTISEMENT

BarefootJacob − ESH. If these things were special then you put them out of reach of your room-mates (I.e. in your own room). Your room-mates should have respected your wishes, especially having been told several times.Your actions however massively inflamed things

and lead to a lot of completely unnecessary tension. You could and should have easily de-escalated, by saying something like 'how can you help me ensure that my special crockery and cutlery isn't used? I'd hate to have to store everything in my room.'

Vertigo_Space69420 − NTA. As other shave said, yes you should have kept the sentimental items in your room HOWEVER, you left them out with the understanding and agreement that they would not be used. Trade off is they get to save money and use all your kitchenware.

ADVERTISEMENT

Deal was off when they breached the terms by using the items you specifically asked them not to. So, since they breached the terms of your verbal contract, multiple times, they have willingly given up their right to use them and accepted that you can take all your s**t back and will no longer be saving them money..

Simple as that. 'I said yall can use my s**t as long as you respect these few items. We have talked about this multiple times. However, it seems yall dont care and have been using the restricted items. And so all bets are off and yall can get your own stuff now.'. Ezpzlmnsqzy

For those talking about a 'shared space's and 'communal area' uh, excuse me, but did yall miss the part where the kitchenware space completely belongs to her? They have no communal space or shared rights to that s**t because it's all hers..

ADVERTISEMENT

Edit: Omg, first time I've seen the drama.unfold like this. Turns out someone on the opposite end of the story posted their experience.. After taking both sides, my judgement is amended to ESH.. The NTA judgement was predicated on the agreement being made

and having been warned multiple times. While the other party seemed indifferent about the items, they should have put their foot down sooner. OP should have separated her s**t from the kit hen a long time ago.

delpigeon − *Cue. Cue is to time something in, queue is a line of people waiting for something. NTA though, anyone who takes advantage of your things but doesn’t respect them should be ready to have access to those things removed. Reminds me of everything I hated about shared living!!

ADVERTISEMENT

pyromanix13 − EDIT: YTA op, clearly. if it's all cluttered together then it's easy to get mixed up, calm yo tits. My coffee mugs are on a totally different shelf from everyone else's coffee mugs because I care about them

and I like to be the only one using them and separating them from the communal dishes allows my housemates to know those are mine. It's that easy. INFO: are these special dishes in the same cabinet as the regular dishes?

These Reddit opinions are hotter than a skillet left on the stove, but do they get to the heart of the issue? Is OP’s lockdown a masterclass in boundary-setting, or a recipe for roommate disaster?

ADVERTISEMENT

This tale of forks and fury leaves us pondering: when does standing your ground cross into petty revenge? The OP’s drastic move sparked chaos, but it also forced a reckoning over respect in shared spaces. Whether you’re Team OP or think everyone’s a bit spoon-y, one thing’s clear—living with others tests patience like nothing else. Have you ever had to draw a hard line with roommates over personal stuff? What would you do if your treasures were treated like common goods? Drop your thoughts and stories below!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *